In law MADNESS (especially sis in law)

[GOHawks1979]

My husband and I have been together for 11 years and married for a year and 5 months. We have a 9 year old son together. My mother in law had my husband and his sister very young and very close in age and they all were very close growing up. When I met my hubby I was so excited to become a part of a close knit family because I have a very small pretty dysfunctional family.

Right off the bat things between my sis in law and me were tense. I could sense some jealousy but I just brushed it off. When me and hubby met he was actually getting out of a "bootie call" relationship with his sisters best friend. My sis in law was getting married right at that time and the break up caused issues with the wedding because the friend was upset over the break up and now didn't want to be a part of the wedding. I felt like it was my fault or at least that I was being blamed partially for the eruption of the wedding plans. After the wedding things sort of calmed down and bit but I was never really warmly welcomed into the fold. I wasn't one to sit around the table and "girl" talk with them and so I felt a little ostracized but I tried to get along anyway and be pleasant with them at family functions. It was starting to hurt my relationship with my mother in law though and that drove me to start talking to my hubby about it. He really didn't have any answers.
Then my sis in law got pregnant and I got pregnant 6 months later. They tried to act like I got pregnant on purpose just because she did. After her daughter was born everyone of course adored her and paid attention to her. When my son was born he was basically treated like a step child, like he wasn't my hubbys. My mother in law worked less than 3 minutes from our home but went the first 3 months of my sons life without seeing him. Said she just didn't have the time, but she sure made time for my niece.
Things just kept snowballing and tensions got worse and my relationship with my sis in law turned into frenemys instead of sisters.
Years went by with tension at family functions and my hubby and I ended up moving to MN for a few years and our dysfunction with each other continued through email.
We were after a few years finally able to come to be friends but it was always short lived and always one sided. She would get mad at me for to me the littlest of reasons and just rip me a new behind until I would end up apologizing to her just to smooth things over.
Her and her husband began having problems and through that we became very close friends and I thought, FINALLY! Things were great, we spent so much time together and babysat each others kids and things seemed like they were really on track. That was until my hubby and I showed support for her ex. We didn't want them to split up and probably became way to involved in their personal lives but that's what happened. We tried to stay neutral between the two of them but in the end it just ended up driving us apart and she ended up "writing me off", literally, she emailed me and said, I can't have contact with you if you have contact with me. That was pretty much the end of that. We have "gotten back together" once or twice since then but then she met her now current husband who happens to be someone I went to school with in elementary school and that also that goes to my same church, our family's have gone to church together for years. Things got rocky when they started dating and once again my sis in law's relationship took a turn for the worse. Then, she decided to get married and wanted to make contact again to get me and my hubby to her wedding. Well it just so happened that they got married the day after me and my hubby and we were going out of town for our anniversary. When we didn't come, she once again turned on me. She has come between me and my mother in law, and other relatives because she constantly spreads lies and just has this stature in the family that she is right and everyone else is wrong and is basically a spoiled brat. No one wants to step up to her abuse because everyone is scared of her. When I step up to her, I get quickly put in my place.
It's just so hard to deal with her and her constant bi polar mood swings. I want to forgive her for past hurts and I'm working on that but I just don't know how to deal or confront her at this point. We haven't spoken since May of this year except for a few attempts of hers to turn my husband against me and to just cause trouble.
I don't want to pass this garbage onto our kids any longer. My son has relatives that he has nothing to do with because of this and it's so sad to me that he will never have a relationship with his cousins because of these issues.

Anyone have any suggestions??

[ssda]

From your post it sounds like your sister in law and you were friends except for the times when your SIL gets jealous of you and decides to make your life difficult just because her life is hard at the moment. I am surprised that you still want to talk to her and have a relationship with her. When someone tries to poison my husband against me, for me that'll be the end of that relationship just because I won't be able to trust that person again. If it were me I will stay away from your SIL and not try to have any kind of relationship. Atleast until she figures out things and maybe take some kind of initiative to show that you matter to her also.
I share your feelings of your kid not having a relationship with his cousins. I am in a similar situation with my sister. So if anyone has any advise on that I would also like to hear that .

[CHANDLERS WISH]

She truly has a jealous street and is seeking attention.

Her best friend with her brother.
Her best friend not wanting to attend the wedding.
She got pregnant first.
She would get mad at you.

She seeks attention, she could be bi-polar, she needs her family is the first thing that comes to my mind.

She is pleased, her friend is going out with your brother, - unites her and her brother.

She is pleased, she had the first baby for her parents, grandparents.

Was she that hurt as a child? That neglected?

CW