Is Text Messaging Cheating?

[YummyMummyNat]

I agree with ^^ completely

There's no such thing as innocent flirting

[kmvond]

I can't believe I stumbled onto this site. I am dealing with the same thing. A year ago I caught my husband in a "text message affair" and he did it again to me a year later. Last year I expressed how I felt it was cheating and I wouldn't put up with it. I don't know what to do. We have 2 kids -- a 3 month old baby and a 2 year old. I don't want to break up our family, but I also don't want this in my marriage. I feel like I've been hit by a bus. I can't even look at him. He explained that it was harmless flirting and didn't see anything wrong with it. Well -- we are never going to get anywhere or recover from this if he doesn't see the severity of it. I can't believe he did this to me AGAIN, after promising never to make me feel like this again.
To add fuel to the fire he also has a drinking problem. That night I found the text message he went into feed the baby and I heard screaming from the baby a half an hour later. My husband passed out and the baby was almost on the floor. I just want to cry, I feel so depressed and hurt. I've talked to him on several occasions regarding the drinking -- but again he doesn't think it's a problem, so why change. Ahhhh, I don't know what to do. I don't want to be a pushover, but I have a family, I don't want to take my kids away from their father. However, I don't want them to be in harms way when my husband drinks.
I could vent for hours. Thanks to everyone for listening. I know this thread was posted months ago.

[kaylar]

It is far passed the time of talking; kmv...
it's leaving time.

Many men will do something, get caught
promise never to do it again, and do it again.

Their word means nothing.

Hence, don't knock yourself out...
leave. it gets worse.

[MELISSA REYNOLDS 29]

I know how you feel. I found out that my husband has been texting with his ex lover for almost 2 years. We have been together a little over 2 years and are expecting twins in august 09. I found out by accident. I was going thru our online account with alltel and it had all these phone numbers to montana (where he is from and she lives). When I asked him about it, he lied to me and said he was talking to his friends dana and mooney. Then I looked at it one night when I couldn't sleep and the texts and phone calls were all when I was either at work or gone somewhere. Most are in the middle of the night. I confronted him and he said that she is having problems with her relationship and they just talk, so me being the person I am I told him that I could read the messages that were sent between the two of them. He got upset and said that he needed to explain that they were just joking with each other about how they missed each other and the sex talk. I felt like I couldnt breathe and I just went numb all over. It has been almost 2 weeks. I tried to pretend that I am ok with him talking to her because now that he thinks I can read the text messages he forwards them to me after she sends them and forwards what he sends her. I told him that I didnt care anymore and he could do whatever he wanted. He said I was being childish because she is in Montana and we are in Texas and that he married me and not her. My husband is strange is his in his mid 40's no children ever (cept in aug 09) and never married but to me. He said that I am the one he loves and if he wanted to be with her he would have gone back to Montana...but I wonder...I can't really see what they are talking about but just by the way he got after I told him, I wonder...
What I guess I am trying to say is I know how you feel. I feel like mine has cheated on me and betrayed my trust. I feel like I don't know which way is up anymore.....

[CHANDLERS WISH]

so me being the person I am I told him that I could read the messages that were sent between the two of them. He got upset and said that he needed to explain that they were just joking with each other about how they missed each other and the sex talk.

Welcome to the Forum, this is an old thread, 2007 so the threader won't reply but we will to your post.

You caught him out in short, it's a woman's way sometimes, i guess... make a comment see how they react and he has said to you " they talk about sex talk"..

You can take this two ways, (1) that they had a way of communicating, via text messages, before... And, ask yourself, if this missing in your lives?

I know your pregnant and "congratulations" that's awesome. Twins!!!

But you've established they started when you two started out, that's not right...

He did marry you, but, showing you what she is writing now and then his replies?

I need to ask you this, WHY is he still texting her? And him her?

he forwards them to me after she sends them and forwards what he sends her.

The moment he realized he hurt his wife. He should have telephoned her, in front of you and said, I have made a grave mistake, I love my wife and what i have done is wrong, sorry but this has to now stop.

So, not much consolation to you but, ask him to do exactly that....

The trust has been broken I am not sure how you will fix this, it's sad that he thinks stupidly yes, that's my opinion, that he can still text her and her him and get you to read them?

I don't get this...

You need to also concentrate on you at the moment and your babies, and tell yourself you will deal with this in September, and not now as well somehow...

That's sad, sorry....

CW

[MELISSA REYNOLDS 29]

Thank you for your words of wisdom. I look at the man I married and wonder if I ever truly knew him at all. He has lied to me for our entire relationship and I don't know what to do about the way I feel. I have asked him if he had spoken to her and he would tell me things like...we were just each others booty call and that she means nothing to him...but then to find out that the whole time they have been talking...I don't know I just feel stupid. Before we married I had found an email and it was from her and since he was not that good with computers he just kept hitting reply and so did she so I saw all the emails. We broke up and he came over and we talked, he called her and told her that he didn't want anything to do with her and handed me the phone. I told her then that I didn't mind them being friends because they had been friends prior to the sexual relationship and they had known each other for a little over 10 years. She told me that he would always have some kind of contact with her because she had his heart and I was a substitute. I got angry and told her that I didn't want her to contact him again, she laughed at me. I told him with her listening and he said it was over and he would have nothing to do with her ever again because of what was said and that she was the past....now I find out I was lied to. I keep thinking all this time, this was going on behind my back, in my home on my phone. He wanted to take over the phone bill...now I know why...

I keep thinking that all this time they were laughing at me, that I was the little joke..you know, "how stupid she is to not know we are doing this, how stupid she is not to know--kind of thing." I feel like a fool and I don't know what to do? I love my husband and we have a family. But this is more than I had bargained for. I feel like I have been living a lie and my whole relationship has been a lie. Everything I thought was real is not. I believed that we were happy but that can't be. If we were happy why would he need to lie to me all this time and keep in touch with her.

what do I do

[CHANDLERS WISH]

She told me that he would always have some kind of contact with her because she had his heart and I was a substitute.

She's quite a nasty little thing isn't she...

10 years.... how old are you? Not that that matters, but I suspect that this has been going on for 10 years.... that's the point I am getting at...

He can't rid her, there is something about her that he doesn't want out of a relationship as to why he didn't end up with her, but their chemistry "perhaps" was always smoking and so he can't ever let her go and she knows exactly how to hold that power.

I say this with authority, my first boyfriend and I were like that for years and years, i knew exactly how to win him back but eventually, thought him as scum.

And it was chemistry... " I hope my man doesn't read this haha" well I am older now and my chemistry is better anyway... I'm a woman now not a girl..

I am not saying he will never and didn't ever and doesn't love you... That's why he married you, she wasn't married material perhaps too many men in her life for instance... but she is a nasty thing.

Basically, he has to ulimately really make a choice it's that simple because you can't go on in life always wondering, nor have another woman always in your life....

That's not what marriage is about and not what you deserve, tell him so....

CW

[Duckiie]

Goodness, what technology has done to everyone today...

But I know how that feels. Not that I've been through it before, but the insecurity, the thought of being fooled, being lied to by the one person you gave your life to, and is about to have two more lives for... It's not a good feeling. Even if you two were to be together still, nothing will be the same. You won't trust him the same, and his words of consolation will mean nothing, because he's done it all before. But the only credit I can give him... Is that he has the balls to believe that after being caught and still expect you to love him all the same. But if he has the self-confidence to believe that... He might, and I say might because not all men are like this, have the balls to pull this all again.
But as for the coming children... Trying to make a relationship work for children is just an excuse. If two people really don't want to be together anymore, nothing, not even children can bring them back together. You would just end up ruining the childrens' take on relationships and how a family should be, and hurting yourself again.

[caterpillar79]

As far as I'm concerned that is considered emotional infidelity. If left unchecked, it could wreck havoc to your marriage. Nip it in the bud as soon as possible. I suggest you read the book: Emotional Infidelity: How to Affair-Proof Your Maariage and 10 other Secrets to a Great Relationship by M. Gary Neuman. I am currently reading it, and am discovering where mine went wrong. I am trying to explore how not to do the same mistakes I have done before. I want the love of my life and myself to enjoy the beauty of our relationship, and find refuge in the bond that we have now as we grow old, wishing it to last for as long as we both shall live.

Take care.

[Joy]

so sorry you are going thru this somepeople can't stand to see other people happy. I do't know why men risk hurting our hearts for people they say mean nothing to them when clearly they do.

It hurts a lot when we find out we are not getting the truth and when your busted don't lie more that is so lame. The lies hurt doen't matter what the situation is. When its other women that is a totally different hurt....

I hope you find healing for your heart and much joy for your babies.