Is Text Messaging Cheating?

[orkara]

Oh no he di'nt. Flirting over text, the phone etc etc is definitely foul for me. The first few weeks of our relationship, I remember my bf was text mates with someone. It was bordering on flirting so I told him to stop, and he started ing because they were just friends and it wasnt going to lead to anything. It was during that time that I created the 'fair rule' in our relationship. Which to sum it up is : Whatever he can do, I can do too.

I found myself my own text mate :P

He stopped texting the person immediately.

The thread title brought back memories.

[ThexMrs]

Okay... I hate to relive this because it's so recent but this is my story. My boyfriend worked in the same building with a woman named Tracy. They talked on their smoke breaks and one day she asked him to help her move. He's really a nice guy so he said yes.

One night we were on the phone and I heard a clicking noise. At first I thought he was on the computer so I stopped talking until I heard him stop clicking. He asked why I stopped talking and I told him that I was waiting for him to finish whatever he was doing on the computer. He told me this story about his bank account that seemed so long that it was a complete lie. I called him on this and he decided to get off of the phone. I was kind of upset so I texted him and said, "That ended weirdly." He text me back and said, "Would I do that for work? Yes. " I couldn't believe it. He was texting someone else while we were on the phone. I texted him back and wrote, "What?" No response. I then called him and he knew he had messed up so he refused to answer.

Later on that week I talked to him about this and he told me it was Tracy, the woman from work. I told him that after he helped her move I would appreciate it if he cut ties with her and the communication ended. I mean, no woman should be texting my boyfriend at 11 pm at night. He agreed and was very sweet about it. He told me that he understood how I felt and that he would do as I asked.

Two weeks later he had sex with her. Yes, he cheated on me. I was devastated. I am still am. We were together for a year and I did everything he ever asked of me.

So texting can be dangerous even if it's just flirting.

[mumie]

i always snap my so called boyfriend texn or chating to girls online that makes me wanna punch him in the face it makes me feal like im worthless and ugly the sadest part about it is i have a baby to him and hes my first true love so im whipped on him like crazy we broke up las year and str8 awae not even a weak later he had another gurlfriend he told her he lovd hur al dis and he was sleapin wid me...i tryd 2 tel hur nd he tld hur dnt beleve me dat i was makin it up me nd him got bk 2geda i feal like the main reason we stay 2geda caus of our son...al this has bean rollin threw my head no one noes about wat hes like so its me 2 pik up ma own pieces i hav bad dreams nearly evry nite about him and otha gurls that i wake up cryin ma eyes up he tells me 2 shut up and go 2 sleap he sumtyms treats me bad and has hit me b4 hes way bigger then me so i cnt stik up for my self... i keap it from my family that hes like that cause they get along with him if i was strong enough i would leave him im just w8n for the write tym to....if your boyfriend,fiance,husband is cheating on you then confront them wen i try snap him dont jump str8 into it get the fone go into the contaks luk for gurls names or even boys that you havnt herd of dn tex thm hus dis i bet ya theyl tex bak sayn hey or sumfng dodgy bustards...they treat you like (edited) and think they can get away with it stay strng cauz i no that this has made me stronga......

[jstew86]

Mostly - do you feel like it is cheating? If you do... then you need to address the problem with him! If you feel like it is okay and you trust that nothing happened then you have to forget about it.

To me... my fiance having a relationship (obviously emotional - it's lasted 5 months with NO sex) is absolutely UNACCEPTABLE!

Make your feelings known and if you need to let her know as well. Get your marriage back in place and make sure you know that your husband doesnt need any other woman in his life to occupy his time!

[WildChild]

If your fiancee is doing this you should give very serious consideration to walking. Marrying someone who is not fully committed emotionally is fraught with problems. My first husband was "in love" with another woman but swore he loved me and would kill himself if I left. I stayed and paid. It was miserable and still ended in divorce. It would have been better for me to have ended it much sooner. Marriage is a big challenge adding in one partner who isn't all the way there makes it really tough.

[mumie]

yea i no but it is really hard to im in love with him and the more he says he loves me the more i love him u no it just sucks cauz if we did brake up he would just go stay down the road and il no that he has a new gurlfrend and it will feel like i cant move on you no like it would be beta if we lived in seprated places but where i come from evrybody noes everyone thats the hardest thing a part of me wants to cal things off but anatha part is telling me dont it is very hard that we have a son together or i would of walked along time ago it just feals like im not preety enough for him because if i were he wouldnt do these things to me......very hard to chose he says he wnt do it then he does and i jus brake down...so confused..

[renee69]

My husband was texting a woman .he sasid the same thing"theres nothing going on", but breing the nosey person that i am i texted texted the woman from my phone an played on her intelligence. Told her that i lost my phone but enjoyed her the other night. Ashe replied "yeah,i always thought you were good in bed now i know!" so if its just harmless flirting ift will end up being the actual thing!!!!!!!!! Cut it short now if its not 2 late!!!!!

[stressed]

If this happens once then it always stays there in the back of your head, guilty or not. Unfortunately, you either wait for a while to let it pass or it comes back daily and makes your life . Either way, make him understand that flirting is unacceptable and very hurtful. If he loves you enough he will understand. Try to make him see it from your point of view.

[Chocomilk]

Sorry that this is so long...

Unfortunately, I'm going through the same thing. My live-in bf uses his phone a lot for texting and interacting on a message board. One day, he was asleep in our bedroom, and I was in the living room watching tv. He left his phone in the living room, and I looked because it kept vibrating. Well, seek and ye shall find...I saw several texts from a woman who sent him nude pics, and obviously he sent pics of himself because of her replies. She would comment that she wanted to "sit on it", and other things. He even sent her a text saying that he wanted to meet up with her. My stomach churned at reading the texts.

He and I talked before about how I disliked him looking at other women, because I felt that the way he looked at them was more than a passing glance, but he would near watch them walking down the street. I told him that I felt that I wasn't what he was looking for in a woman when he did this. But he said that he always looked at women, but I was what he wanted. So I ignore it, and just look the other way when he does it. I firmly believe that if you want to cheat, get your stuff and go. I would rather you leave than to cheat on me.

Anyway, I called my cousin just to talk, and then I started crying. I told her what I found, and she suggested talking to him and finding out what was going on. When he woke up and I talked to him, he said that it was nothing, and that he never met the girl. He asked me if I wanted him to leave, and in my heart I wanted to say yes, go, but I wound up saying no, I want you to stay. I wanted to try and work this through.

He talked to his mom about the situation, and she told him he was indeed wrong for sending the texts, etc. That was in April. Now, I still don't feel that I can trust him because he is always attached to the phone. If he goes to the bathroom, he takes the phone; to get something from another room, he takes the phone, and so on. He stepped out to meet his brother in the lobby of our apartment building and left the phone on the tv stand. In less than a minute, I could hear the keys jingling because he was trying to get back into the apartment, and of course, he grabbed the phone and left.

There are other things going on that make the relationship stressful too. I get constant yeast infections, and I sort of chalk this up to having diabetes. With having diabetes, I know that I am prone to getting them often, but prior to having this relationship, I NEVER GOT yeast infections, and I have been diagnosed with diabetes for about 5 years. He and I have been together for nearly a year. I'm seeing my Dr. this week to make sure I don't have an STD, or that my bf isn't the cause of the frequent YI's. I panic because I get them every 1-3 months.

His still constant phone attachment drives me nuts, and I do want to check his phone again, because honestly, I don't believe or trust him. And since this mistrust has been since April, part of me knows that I should call off the relationship, simply to save my sanity. I don't want to go through this relationship or life with this feeling that I can't trust any guy.

My cousin and my best friends have told me to get rid of him, but I don't know why it's so hard for me to do so. I feel that I've gone out of my way (and still do) to make things work, but now I feel like my efforts have been in vain (as well as unappreciated).

I guess part of me does feel that I don't want to be alone, but I feel lonely anyway. We don't go anywhere, and anytime that we have, it was my suggestion, on my dime, or something that I planned with friends, and he just tagged along. I don't mind staying at home and having a "nite-in", but it's become ridiculous. I know that what I'm saying equals kick him to the curb, but I don't know why I'm keeping him around.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

I think what you have to appreciate is that you are not a failure.

Often women stay because they feel that it's their fault and that they failed and so they remain to keep at it so they can get that end reward, yay, he's mine finally.

Or, as you say, you are scared to be alone, lonely but you are now anyway and if he is not spending a dime on you, talking you anywhere and only goes somewhere when you spend the money or have something to do that involves partners, then your not in a relationship anyway.

Friends are telling you to get, so they are standing by you, they are not going to get a shock or disapointment.

More disturbing than all of this is that he hasn't stopped because if he had, he wouldn't care that he left the phone inside, juggling to get back inside in 60 seconds to get it, would he.. You can't be blind there and assume that he's doing it cause you "snooped" and to teach you a lesson.. He is disrespecting you and possibly worse. Seems that he doesn't care either that you realise he's hiding his phone...

I'm glad your going to the Doctor to check. Thrush is passed back and forth, so it makes sense that you keep getting it, as he wouldn't have the symptons we have as women and possibily is un-aware of it and so passes it back and forward.

I'm not saying he cheated, I am explaining that it makes sense that you get it, it goes and you get it, your treating it and that should be the end of it. But, remember if the Doctor states that's all it is, and it could be due to other reasons, then he needs to be treated, to get rid of it once and for all.

If he can't be honest and tell you exactly what's going on or take you out ever, then why do you really want someone like that in your life anyway?

CW