how do i tell my friend i HATE her new guy?

[BabyGirl]

A Couple of things here caught my eye in your posts.

he's been in and out of prison

And

he lives at home with his mom, doesn't have a job or car and has a criminal background.

And

but he told her it's "temporary" and that he used to be a millionaire but got in trouble with the law & once he "gets his together" and becomes unbelievably wealthy again they will have it all...

What Part of BS and she is being Used can't she See ? Not to Mention, the Safety and Well-being of her son and herself ?

Being in and out of Prison, is not a one time, I made some money (into the Million $ Bracket) Defrauded or it wasn't Clean Money ) type thing.

Living with Mom, no Job, no Car, is not something even " Criminal " Millionaires can claim.Unless they are in for like 15 years and all assets were frozen. They almost always have some money put somewhere else in case they get caught then get out.

If he was a Millionaire before, a Decent person would have bought their Mom a nice home, a car and made sure they ( Mom ) was taken care of.Therefore ensuring the loan of a car from Mom or even just a beater car to use in case of bad times.

1) She needs to or and her Family need to do a Criminal Background Check on this Dude. Make sure that he isn't a Convicted Rapist, Child Molester, Wife or Other Assaulter. Never Stolen or burglarized, No Drug Convictions, DWI Manslaughter, Murder Rap's.

2) She needs to get a hold of her Life, Her son's Life, Take back her own Values,if she does not smoke or allow smoking around her son , Then She must Enforce that..

3) She needs to understand that Once Married She is responsible for any Bills he may incur while Married, His Bills, his " Tickets or Fines" he may get. Any Bills. like phones or Cable or Internet, rentals, Anything that he Charges or Orders. Can and Will Come back on Her.


For You ? I would just explain that you are getting not so good "vibes " from or about him. Wish her the Very Best, Hope and express that you want her Happiness. But you just cannot Falsely associate and act "OK"with someone who makes you uncomfortable.

With that, you are just being Honest, a true Friend and also possibly Protecting yourself & SO from getting involved in something you do not wish to be.

[leahbia_83008]

thanks babygirl. from my understanding he used to get his money from dealing drugs, but "lost it all" from going to prison... even if he does find it in his heart to grow up & take responsibility, it's going to be VERY hard for him with a drug charge on his record... my boyfriend has NO criminal background & is still struggling to find a job (he got laid off three months ago and wasn't employed long enough to qualify for unemployment) so i don't know how he figures he's better than anyone else. the only reason she's marrying him is because he tells her what she wants to hear & i see this working out one of two ways... either she's going to get sick of his lies and end up filing for a divorce she can't afford or she's going to continue to support him and he will do what he's doing now. nothing.

she sees him as this amazing guy because he puts her before his friends, associates with her son, and tells her she can have anything in the world. to me, these are the kind of things he SHOULD be doing, they're nothing extraordinary but maybe that's just my opinion.

[lizzardb63]

I actually went through something similar to this, except it wasn't a guy pulling my friend away and putting her in a rough spot, but another friend. She was hanging around this girl who was a bad influence and even moved in with her. Her friend would take home random men she met on the internet and my friend had a son who is 3. I was generally worried about her safety and her sons safety and voiced my opinion several times. It basically blew up in my face, she reacted angry, told me I was just jealous, etc... well, I decided "okay, I did what I could now and if anything should happen, I'll be there for her." and sure enough as time went on, she saw what I saw. I was there for her during the time that her friend moved out and we're getting close again. Your friend will wise up sooner or later, and as hard as it will be to be there for her even after you warned her...just do it. You'll regret it if you don't. And that's what true friends do.

[chelandoll]

I have a friend who seems to make bad decisions with men, and I have always been worried for her. I would tell her to be careful what she is doing, and how I am worried for her that she will do something that she will regret later. She just told me, "you are right. I will probably regret it later. And I can already see I won't be staying with him. But I will just keep things the way it is now."
I guess reading all the other posts, everyone is saying all you can do is wait. And I guess thinking to my own experience, even when you do say something, will the situation even change? maybe not. It is frustrating only being able to watch, especially when it is someone close to you and you don't see anything good coming to them.
Maybe you could sit down with her and talk to her about it, and get her to really think about what she is doing.
What really worries me when I read about your friend is the marriage. Why is it so early? I am worried the guy is lying to her, and am wondering if the marriage to him really is that true. And what about her son?
I hope the best for you and your friend. I hope something gets worked out in the end.

[Seeker_Advice]

At the risk of sounding redundant (based on what others might have said)...

Since you've shared how you feel, support, support, support her however you can and be there to pick up the pieces when this one fails too. History is a solid indicator of future performance, so it shouldn't be long...

[leahbia_83008]

well i haven't talked to her in a few days now... the last time we spoke was the day before valentine's day & i asked her if she was still tying the knot with him and she said yes. she told me, and i quote "girl he treats me like a queen. let's me make 99% of the decisions. kaiden (her son) is talking because he works with him. we work well together. i've never had this connection with anyone before. he told me that this ring is temporary and when he can afford it i'm getting a leo diamond ring. they are flawless. he used to be a millionaire. he wants to be again. i just don't want it done illegally...". i decided my best bet is to just stand back and wait and if she wants to talk or whatever she can come to me. i can't find it in my heart to act excited for her & tell her i'm happy for her when i don't agree with what she's doing so if she calls, she calls. if she doesn't, then i'll be able to see how she really feels...

[acerousme]

Leah...Good idea. That is all you can do. Maybe they will work out? who knows?

did they tie the knot?

[leahbia_83008]

she hasn't told me if they did or not & i don't feel right asking... i feel if she wants to tell me what's going on in her love life she will share.

[Aeryn Sun]

Different strokes for different folks, who knows, maybe they will be married 60+ years?

[BabyGirl]

On the other hand, There are people who have made bad decisions in their lives, been caught, gone to Prison, been Released and have actually Changed their owns Lives for the Positive Life.

I have a Brother that was into Drugs & Dealing, though he never became a Millionaire. After his and Quoting here...his Criminal Record that can be found online.

"There are 36 names that match your search criteria. "

This using Only his full Name, and Knowing they were all " Cordoba's", because he's my Brother.
The last charge he had was in 2009, for Stolen Checks, Forgery, and of course Drugs. But all 36 Charges were Drug Related somehow.

3 years later, he is now a Counselor ( Drug and Alcohol ) and holds AA Meetings in the actual Jail. It is hard to be allowed to Host AA meeting in a County Facility, twice a week,unless you are approved by the County as Clean and Sober .

Maybe this Guy is Just Sick of Jail or Prison, Maybe this guy Decided Enough is Enough ? Maybe this guy found your Friend, fell in Love and she with him ?

Maybe this will work out. My Brother changed, but it took him over 20 years to just " Get It " !!!!

So what I am saying is it is Possible that he may be really changing. Also remember when in Prison, he had to be Tough, and a Bully and Rude and the King of His Cell or Cell Block.


If they are or do get married or even before they do, maybe you can try to have a talk with him. A kind of...
You make " fill in name" Happy and I'd like to get to know you.. But you aren't in the " Cell " now, so you don't have to be rough and tough and have a hard shell around you.

I Dunno, it's worth a try hun. But if he comes back with an " f" you Biatch attitude, that's when you can just sit back, distance yourself and just wait for the Crash and pick up the Pieces of your Friend.