Problems with Boyfriend's Family

[Floridagirl]

I began dating one of my best friends 6 months ago. He is away at college, but his family is here where I live. When we first started dating his family was very curious and wanted to meet me, but after that initial meeting they haven't seemed to want much to do with me. When my boyfriend comes home he feels torn between spending time with them and me, and sometimes his time is really limited in town. This makes me feel bad because I appreciate that he is a family person, but I want to have time with him as well. We all go to the same church, so I always make sure to speak with them when I see them there and sometimes they will be very nice but other times it seems like like they are only speaking to me out of duty. The only family member who seems to genuinely like me is his Grandmother. I have tried pretty much everything I know to make them like me, at the one family function I got invited to (it was a birthday party for his mother and aunt), I brought them flowers. It just seems like they view me as someone who takes him away from them. He told me that they like me, but he has said things that lead me to believe that they make him feel guilty for spending time with me instead of them. For me, dating is for the purpose of finding someone you can marry. I always pictured being really close with whoever I ended up marrying's family. Any advice?

[steph*]

I know what you mean its not that his family doesnt like you its just that they are jealous!!!! its just that sometimes families get jealous because they area used to spending time with him. Thats how it is with me.. my boyfriends family like me but they sometimes feel like im taking away their son because they are so used to spending time with him since he is a family person too and sometimes my family feels the same way about my boyfriend its all natural eventually they'll accept that maybe in the future your gonna be part of their family

[JubesInquest]

I began dating one of my best friends 6 months ago. He is away at college, but his family is here where I live. When we first started dating his family was very curious and wanted to meet me, but after that initial meeting they haven't seemed to want much to do with me. When my boyfriend comes home he feels torn between spending time with them and me, and sometimes his time is really limited in town. This makes me feel bad because I appreciate that he is a family person, but I want to have time with him as well. We all go to the same church, so I always make sure to speak with them when I see them there and sometimes they will be very nice but other times it seems like like they are only speaking to me out of duty. The only family member who seems to genuinely like me is his Grandmother. I have tried pretty much everything I know to make them like me, at the one family function I got invited to (it was a birthday party for his mother and aunt), I brought them flowers. It just seems like they view me as someone who takes him away from them. He told me that they like me, but he has said things that lead me to believe that they make him feel guilty for spending time with me instead of them. For me, dating is for the purpose of finding someone you can marry. I always pictured being really close with whoever I ended up marrying's family. Any advice?

One thing's for sure in all this, and that is you can't please everyone ... and you're not going to!

If they don't like you, then they just don't like you. Accept that and let it be.
There's nothing that you can do to change how they feel about you. People are people and they have feelings and emotions.

So just like you're dating your "best friend" and have feelings for him, his family has the opposite feelings for you. They can't change that you like him; and no one can change how they feel about you--including YOU.

No matter how much you go to their church and talk to them and present yourself as decently as you please, that won't change them.

Instead, if you & your date like each other, leave it at that. Take it one step at a time.
You'll run yourself crazy trying to please everybody.