Insecure Fianc?. Need help to make it beter before the wedding.

[Quill.]

Hey. Well recently me and my guy got engaged, personaly I think he's perfect and I can't see a fault with him at all but he has always been insecure about the way he looks. Once we were sat in a cafe having lunch oh holiday and he said everyone was staring at him - when they wernt. He has had mild acne for years and he's forever looking at his skin in the mirror and losing his temper over it, he often hits doors and walls because it upsets him so much.

He refuses to listen to me when I tell him that his skin isnt as bad as he thinks it is - but it's really not, everyone says he makes it out to be a huge deal when it's not.

How can I make him see that he's over-reacting and blowing things out of proportion? I hate seeing him upset and I don't want him to feel how he does now at our wedding, I want him to enjoy it without thinking people are looking at him for bad reasons.

[little-lessons]

People are insecure about different things. But sometimes there are underlining issues with it.

Do you know if something happened with his family or friends regarding his skin problems?

Sit him down and tell him how you feel when his upset etc. Discuss this with him. You never know he might open up.

[anonymouswhitefemale]

I'm a guy.

I had mildish acne problems from the age of 14, and they still remain a bit at age 23. It hits confidence, hard. I pretty much felt like an unviable option for a woman, I couldn't even consider the possibility that a woman might be interested in me (which they were, I just couldn't see it).

So, acne destroys self confidence. It also isn't something about which you can listen to other peoples opinions. It has always meant very little to me when people said things like "you know it doesn't matter, nobody but you thinks about it" or "it's looking better" etc. because it's sort of what you expect someone to say if they're trying to be nice. Sorta like someone saying "no, you're gonna be just fine" before you breath your last breath. Whenever my GF ever tries to reassure me about my skin it just bounces off, I don't absorb it.

There is a psychological condition that often comes along with Acne Vulgaris, or whatever it's called, where the person becomes obsessed by their horrible skin. They will inspect, squeeze, pick and examine themselves - any blemish is worse in their head than reality. I experienced all this for myself, but to be honest the only thing that ever helped me was my skin improving - take steps such as:

Wash face twice a day with a spot wash, and have your own clean face towel. Exfoliate a couple of times a week. Wash your pillowcases at LEAST once a week. If his hair is long, tie it out of the way when sleeping, because the grease on hair is terrible at causing spots.

I also changed my diet, cut out most sugary stuff like chocolate and soda drinks, started eating more fruit and taking multivitamins. Also avoid fatty greasy foods for the most part - fry ups, crisps, chips etc. Also I was on Minocyline (antibiotic) for a couple of years, and whilst it was no miracle cure it certainly took the edge off. For the worst of it my face tingled, but not with the Minocycline.

Even now (it's a LOT better) I am concious of my skin, although not too much - it now doens't hold me back socially, just a niggle in my mind.

Bottom line, do everything you can to actively help his skin improve - YOU are also responsible for his skin, in a way. When you wipe your grubby hand on his face, you could be giving him spots, when your hair is all over his face when he sleeps, what he eats etc etc. He will understand an actual improvement, wheras he won't listen to "I don't care that you're spotty" because that still means that he's spotty. Life's not easy when you find yourself repulsive.

There have been times, where in retrospect I'm certain some girls were checking me out or something, but I read their whispering and giggling as them laughing at me and my repulsiveness . It's a state of mind, and it's difficult to change. It can't really be changed by someone else, you have to change it yourself.

Hope that helps.

[Lil Miss Sunshine]

This is fab advice.

We all have our insecurities and you need to support him in this. Maybe also get him to talk to someone else about his anger management too otherwise when you set up homehun you are going to be replacing lots of doors and walls.