Trouble with daughter

[janemma]

My 5 year old daughter has been causing me so much grief lately, I don't even know what to do with her. It starts in the morning right when she gets up. She has always been a "trouble maker". She doesn't seem like she is happy unless she is making her sisters unhappy. When I tell her it is time to get dressed for school, she has a meltdown and tells me "no, I don't want to". She does do it when I ask her a second time but everything is a fight the whole day, it doesn't matter what we need to do. She doesn't want to get her ski pants on for school, she doesn't want to clean up her toys, she doesn't want to eat what I made for supper (even though it is her favorite). She is just impossible lately. That and she fights with the other kids so much it drives me crazy. She will purposely pull hair or do something to get the others upset. I just don't even know what to do with her anymore. She gets lots of love and attention from us. Any help would be appreciated. Thanks.

[Fallen1]

I really don't have much to offer in the advice area other than stand your ground. I know it must get depressing and even aggravating at times but you can't let her have or at least think she has the upper hand. Once you "loose control" it's hard to regain it, especially when they get older.

[C]

This is deeper than this....How about school...Does she hate it. Any troubles with any children...Any chance of any abuse along the lines...Usually when a child does this they want all the attention.....

If she feels shunned by other children this can come out in actions...If she feels she is not as cute as another child she will react to this. It can be a nightmare for a parent....Especially a Mother....I wish you well on this....Been there and done that.....

[LadyLane]

As another mom with a daughter who tries my patience on a daily basis and keeps me on my toes, I am troubled by the fact that you say she's always been a "trouble maker." She's only five. Children become what we tell them they are.

The things you mention are things I struggle with too (my daughter is four and half). She doesn't like to clean her toys, looks at dinner with a distainful face every night, hates getting up for pre-school, let alone getting dressed.... but I just try different methods until something works. Part of me just thinks its the age, pushing boundaries to see what they can get away with.

Can you think of something that is causing aggression, like Caroline suggested? Scared of her teacher or being bullied? Also, are you sure she is the one of your girls causing all the trouble? One of my friend's daughters is what we call a "quiet troublemaker" - meaning she goads her sister to hit or pinch or pull hair, and that's the sister that gets in trouble - but the "q.t." drove her to it, being mean and saying nasty things in a quiet way until the other sister couldn't take it.

I try to find constructive ways to get my daughter to do things with positive reinforcement, because my mother just screamed and punished all my life and I don't want to be that way. So when I want her to clean, I'll put a timer on and tell her that if she cleans before the buzzer goes off, she gets a treat - a piece of gum, an ice pop, I'll do a puzzle with her, etc. - if I treat it like a game or say, I bet you can't clean that up before Spongebob is on, then she races around to do it. It definitely works. I can't help you with getting dressed for school because we're inconsistent. Some days she does it, some days I have to do it or we'll be late.

I think each child is different and it seems she has a different temperment than your other daughters. Maybe some extra mommy-daughter time with her is necessary; maybe she just needs more positive attention from you than it seems, or than your others need.

Good luck!!