How is watching porn different than seeing a stripper?

[shmookie]

My boyfriend of 18 months is obessived with porn.
At first his obsession was internet chat rooms, then sex texting, now porn.
I am attractive, slim, funny & outgoing, but my boyfriend never touches me intermatly or wants to have sex with me.
He lives a a fantasy world revolving around porn that he thinks he's keeping secret. He always says he's working, but I know different...
I feel extremely hurt & neglected especially when I split from my husband of 15 years who quote said 'that he loved me', 'wanted to be with me', 'as long as he could shag other women'!
I think it's very early on in a relationship to 'go off sex', should I dump him?
Trouble is I'm very insecure, lacking confidence & believe I love him.
Please help me.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

My boyfriend of 18 months is obessived with porn.
At first his obsession was internet chat rooms, then sex texting, now porn.
I am attractive, slim, funny & outgoing, but my boyfriend never touches me intermatly or wants to have sex with me.
He lives a a fantasy world revolving around porn that he thinks he's keeping secret. He always says he's working, but I know different...
I feel extremely hurt & neglected especially when I split from my husband of 15 years who quote said 'that he loved me', 'wanted to be with me', 'as long as he could shag other women'!
I think it's very early on in a relationship to 'go off sex', should I dump him?
Trouble is I'm very insecure, lacking confidence & believe I love him.
Please help me.

There's been a few posts on this forum that are very simular and they all see "warning signs" of perhaps he is gay, and doesn't want anyone to know therefore, hide behind a woman. As you say your insecure and lack confidence then you would be the ideal candidate.

So, firstly you wouldn't want sex with a man who is not loving back, watches porn, chats, texts but can't find your body remotely interesting so run, don't walk, nor do you want any diseases.

We tend to continue going after the wrong person, until we learn to love ourselves, concentrate on you for a while, instead of a relationship, then let love find you.

[Richard S]

What happens at a strip club or a bachelor party is mostly about men experiencing a sense of camaraderie with each other. It's like a tribal male bonding ritual.

Porn is more complex. If a guy is alone, then he's probably using it to put a dent in his loneliness. If he's in a relationship, maybe he just wants to experience some variety without actually cheating. Other times he's just bored and the porn is just there. It's different depending on guy and the situation.

The reason girls who do porn online are looked at differently is because they are more in control of what's going on. When a girl is dancing naked in front of a bunch of drunk guys, it's on their terms. When she posts a video online of her giving head to her BF and he's in seventh heaven, it's more like "Eat your heart out." It makes all the difference in the world.

[Richard S]

To shmookie:

- If he's cheating on you on-line (i.e., there are actual other people involved), then he's cheating on you.

- If he has an on-line fantasy life that he won't share with you, then he's still cheating on you, just in a different way.

- There is a difference between having a healthy relationship with porn and and unhealthy one. If it's healthy, then he has no reason to keep secrets from you.

- The ideal situation is to find out what he's looking at on-line and incorporate that into your relationship. If he is not willing to do that, or if he's looking at stuff that's out of bounds (gay porn, violence, etc.), then you have a real problem.

That's all I'm going to say. Good luck.