I have almost given up hope of ever becoming a mother...

[insgal]

Well, I am not a mother...so maybe the motherhood forum wasn't the best place to post this. Oh well. I will simply cut to the chase here. I am almost 28, have been with my husband for 6 years. I love him with all my heart, I can't imagine my life without him. He happens to have an ex-wife and two children. He pays a lot in child support. Now...don't get me wrong, I am not complaining about that. It is completely his duty to pay the child support and I was fully aware of his situation before I said "yes" to marrying him. Moving on to my point....we are a typical middle class couple. We don't have much and we live paycheck to paycheck, but we seem to be getting by on what little we do have. I am happy in my marriage. However, I am severely depressed because I so badly want to have a baby. I would also like to buy a house. I am not so much worried about buying a house anymore, but the craving to have a baby cunsumes my every thought. There is no way at all a baby could fit into our tight budget right now. I have sat down and done the math on paper numerous times. There is simply no room for a baby. My husband and I both have decent paying jobs I suppose. I have looked into going to school for a degree to land myself a better paying job. But...I would have to attend part time at night since I would not be able to quit my job for school. At that rate, it would take me years to earn a degree and then I would just have to pay back student loans so I wouldn't be any better off than I am now. My husband knows how I am feeling, but I don't really like to talk about it much to him because he feels guilty and thinks that he can't make me happy. I can't seem to make him understand that isn't true. He will say things like "maybe you should find someone else that can give you what you want". I tell him over and over again I don't want those things with anyone else, I want those things with him. I am just so frustrated. I know I am still young, but I also don't want to become a first time mother at age 35+. I don't know how to deal with this. I cry while I am at work, I cry when I am cooking dinner, I cry in bed, I just cry all the time. I have no one I can really talk to about it. I feel so hopeless. I don't know what to do. Is there anyone that is going through something similar? If so, how do you cope?

[kjersi]

there is plenty of school programs that take around 6-8 months and find ajob for you. and if you live pay check to paycheck you can get grants. where are you located

[rcoreyus]

You could try taking in foster children for a little while. That would let you experience having a child in the house. You might love it, you might not. My wife was absolutely certain she wanted children - until we did this.

[Private.Flangeamin]

Well, I am not a mother...so maybe the motherhood forum wasn't the best place to post this. Oh well. I will simply cut to the chase here. I am almost 28, have been with my husband for 6 years. I love him with all my heart, I can't imagine my life without him. He happens to have an ex-wife and two children. He pays a lot in child support. Now...don't get me wrong, I am not complaining about that. It is completely his duty to pay the child support and I was fully aware of his situation before I said "yes" to marrying him. Moving on to my point....we are a typical middle class couple. We don't have much and we live paycheck to paycheck, but we seem to be getting by on what little we do have. I am happy in my marriage. However, I am severely depressed because I so badly want to have a baby. I would also like to buy a house. I am not so much worried about buying a house anymore, but the craving to have a baby cunsumes my every thought. There is no way at all a baby could fit into our tight budget right now. I have sat down and done the math on paper numerous times. There is simply no room for a baby. My husband and I both have decent paying jobs I suppose. I have looked into going to school for a degree to land myself a better paying job. But...I would have to attend part time at night since I would not be able to quit my job for school. At that rate, it would take me years to earn a degree and then I would just have to pay back student loans so I wouldn't be any better off than I am now. My husband knows how I am feeling, but I don't really like to talk about it much to him because he feels guilty and thinks that he can't make me happy. I can't seem to make him understand that isn't true. He will say things like "maybe you should find someone else that can give you what you want". I tell him over and over again I don't want those things with anyone else, I want those things with him. I am just so frustrated. I know I am still young, but I also don't want to become a first time mother at age 35+. I don't know how to deal with this. I cry while I am at work, I cry when I am cooking dinner, I cry in bed, I just cry all the time. I have no one I can really talk to about it. I feel so hopeless. I don't know what to do. Is there anyone that is going through something similar? If so, how do you cope?

Hi i read your letter and im glad you posted it .

I am nfourty years old (just) but fine about it im happy. Im single, simply because i havent found the right guy yet .

I have not got any children but i intend to (im fine and healthy physically fit , i run and can do seven hours solid physical work, i mean hard work)

Reading your post brings the question to mind "when IS the right time to have a baby" . I do think that as a couple you are both sensible actually thinking, perhaps we are not in the financial position , BUT if we all think about this when is ANYBODY atthe point they can say . ....i can give my child absolutely ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING, and indeed, would we want to do this for fear of spoiling that child.

Of course, one does his/her best for thier child , naturally ...
I live in the UK, in Wirral...by Liverpool, my grandmother had SIX children, she had two jobs ...they were not wealthy people but in those days people made the most of what they had ,people were content, they were happier and if you got married and children came along ...they came along!

Im not saying things were easy, but im not saying they were hard, they had a home, not a palice, but a happy home . There was a war going on at the time and the Germans dropped a bomb into the back garden but my grandad had built a shelter under the ground and all the kids were safe. The street was flattened , the lady next door killed ..she didnt make it to the shelter. |As you can see times were hard, but, people got by...the kids were healthy and my dad grew up to play professional football, all the kids married and have happy families, here i am typing to you !

My point is ...i understand your husband may be finding this difficult as he is being a good father and looking after his children from a previous relationship...some men dont do that . BUT if you both had a chat and thought there need not be great anxiety about financial things with having a baby, yes of course there will be times you have to make a pinch here and there...sacrifice a few things but i thing most families do that anyway. I am sure if a child came along that things have a way of just working and it may be the initial panic of making the suggestion.

I date guys, most of them are divorced and have kids otheres have had vasectamies (which can be reversed but agin thats quite a bit of money) but i think if the guy is willing to have a child , things kind of will work out. I am ready to accept a man WITH children , i think thats good of you but as long as he is willing to accept my wishes to have a child too. My friend met a divorced guy, he had three girls , she had no children when they met, but she had her own home like me ...they maried and he said he was grateful just to have the opportunity of meeting another lady and shes a lovely woman ...shes a midwife. They now have two beautiful daughters, AVA and ISLA. I have no doubt they have thier little worries here and there but i can tell you they are very happy and it was the best thing they did .

I know that you are feeling a little down about this, and i send you a hug, but if you relax a bit and perhaps you will klnow your right time to speak with your husband again. YOu are only a YOUNG woman and there is so much time for you to have your desire ...and i know that you will, its just a feeling, a good one for you . If you feel very upset and i know you are at this present time, perhaps there are some ladies or family members you could talk with for a few hours ...have a little chat and coffee ...

take care

Catherine

[Brave]

I realize your post was almost two years ago now. I wonder how your doing and if you have found resolve. I offer this post to help you find some support around this very personal issue. I spoke with so many women who had such a desire to have children they were willing to do it alone, no partner. I hope you'll find their views and positive outlook helpful. If you watch the film please let me know what you think.

[Hopeless Dork]

Poster not been back since march of 08, thread closed. If you wish discuss this topic in general , please create a new thread.