My Sex Drive is Too High!

[Moni306]

Haven't been here in a few days so thought I would update...not much has changed..I get sex maybe twice a week and that is manly on the weekends as he doesn't really have access to himself if you know what I mean! But I am still trying!! Not sure what else to do..I will try to get him started but getting his engine running by sending him naughty text messages and emails and he acts like he is just gonna jump on it that night...then it comes around and he is too tired and not able to...I've even tried us going to bed earlier and he still doesn't want too. I'm at a lose...I don't think I can compete with internet porn or the local young chicks on the finder! If anyone has more suggestions let me know..I'm desperate to get laid..ha ha ha Toys can only hold a gal over for so long...LOL I don't thing a Viagra is the solution....if he can get off with his hand and porn most days obviously sex drive isn't the issue. I would not think it my weight...I have a little bit of a belly..5'4 with a weight of 135 but I have had three C-sections in my life to where my stomach muscles were cut so it can never go flat again..I try at the gym I may and there it stays! Thanks for listening and it is good to know that I'm not the only gal out there with this tremendous sex drive...I have no friends around me that can relate....but they know their husbands would be in heaven with a wife like that..ha haha

[WildChild]

What about waking up a little earlier?

[OhThereYouAre]

he has a sexual addiction that needs to be dealt with, or it will destroy your marriage.

That isn't indicative of a sex addiction. Watching porn and masturbating daily. Lots of people do that. I used to do it.

All it indicates is that for whatever reason his wife no longer turns him on, and he'd rather save his sexual energy for different material.

It's a nasty situation to be in. But it isn't indicative of a sex addict.

People are so willing to classify masturbation for a man as sexual addiction when the material they are masturbating to doesn't fall within their list of acceptable things.

What about a woman using a heated back massager to masturbate 30 times a day? Last I heard, she was lucky.

Break out of the double standards, guys. They hold us back, they don't solve anything.

[OhThereYouAre]

hiding it and fantasizing is not going to satisfy you..build up his ego..men love that apparently tell him he is so darn sexy that you need him,NOW..most men love when their wife or gf attacks them..that ego thing again..good luck rachel

Agreed.

[StillLearnin]

Sorry, I didn't mean that masturbation is the problem. I agree that doing that is completely natural.
The fact that he's not interested in her, then when she leaves he turns to watching porn and masturbating, which is diverting his energy away from her, is the addiction.
If he was having sex with his wife, and using porn and masturbation to supplement, that would be different. He still would have the interest and energy for her.

[OhThereYouAre]

Sorry, I didn't mean that masturbation is the problem. I agree that doing that is completely natural.
The fact that he's not interested in her, then when she leaves he turns to watching porn and masturbating, which is diverting his energy away from her, is the addiction.
If he was having sex with his wife, and using porn and masturbation to supplement, that would be different. He still would have the interest and energy for her.

It's a problem.

He is, and I agree, selfishly neglecting his wife.

But it isn't an addiction. He isn't engaging in reckless acts that could threaten his livelihood or his well being.

If he found his wife extremely sexy and was having sex with her twice a day, would it be an addiction?

No.

Different people find different things stimulating.

It's a bad situation, but hardly an addiction.

[StillLearnin]

True. Good points.

[Moni306]

The addiction I am stating would be to the porn...not the masturbating. Even if he does not masturbate he has to look at the porn every day for probably at least an hour...it may be more of habit than addiction maybe. We actually had a long talk last night about the situation and he says he feels I have been pissed off at him for months and he doesn't know why and that is what has diminished us some..he feels he is laying by a horny pissed off woman! We went through everything and I told him it is no secret it is his porn use. I said a woman needs to feel wanted and needed and how can she when she feels like he would rather look at porn than his own wife everyday. This porn thing has been going on for a couple of years now. I think what I resent the most is that we meet on the internet and I had told him my ex really was into the internet porn and I didnt' care for that and I straight up asked him before I moved or 3,000 miles here to be with him if he was into porn and he straight up told me no...once in a while he said he would watch a movie..which that was fine. Then about after 3yrs of marriage I came across it on his computer and there was a ton!! Now how is a woman to feel..I felt lied to and hurt and pissed off and have felt that way since. I don't like how I feel because anyone who knows me knows I am one of the most laid back easy going women around...I hate being uptight and pissed. As for me having the high sex drive...that just kicked in 1 1/2yrs ago so that is new to me to....I love having it but I'd like to be enjoying that pleasure with my husband..not by myself. I know masturbation is normal...but I'd like more of that sexual energy directed at me and not his screen is all. I'm hoping our talk helped last night so will keep you posted. Thanks for the advice!

[OhThereYouAre]

Moni-

I'd hate to suggest mind games, but have you tried making yourself "appear" less available?

Maybe not make advances so often?

He may regain interest once he figures out that you are taking care of things yourself, and that you are in charge of your sexuality.

Just a thought.

Also,

I hope you've gathered from my posts that I personally do not condone porn, nor do I condone your husband's current behavior, if indeed this is what he's doing.

I'm just trying to promote equality in regards to sexual perceptions.

[Moni306]

Maybe that is something to try..worth a shot and I know what you mean about the equality thing. It is just hard sometimes when a wife is feeling neglected in that way. But I bet if I backed off for a while he would probably begin to wonder and maybe get back into our bed so to say! I know I looked when I got home and again after our talk last night...five minutes after I left from work he was on the net again...maybe it is like a kid...you try to get them away from something and the more they want it. Maybe I just need to sit back and he will see I'm not nagging him about his porn and MAYBE it will slack off...it is worth a shot! Will keep you updated on my hopeful progress :0)