Is it just me??

[lovingU]

I've been with my boyfriend for just over 3 and a half years. Just recently I have been getting this really bad feeling that he just isn't into me anymore. We have discussed this issue a million times and he keeps saying his feelings haven't changed, that he always misses me...the thing is, is that he just doesn't show his feelings as much as he use to. He has a lot going on in his life i.e. trying to start up his own business and what not, could I be confusing his frustrations with him starting his business with putting me on the back burner? Am I reading too much into it? Or is he falling out of love with me. No matter how many times he tells me he wants to be with me/marry me and that his feelings never changed...I can't shake this feeling that I have about him not wanting to be here.

[maggieanne]

Your insecurities are totally normal and we have all gone through the same feelings one point during relationships. It can be a number of things...sinceI don't know him it's impossible for me to really come to a conclusion.

Since you've discussed the way you feel several times and he keeps telling you his feelings haven't changed, the first thing you have to do is drop this issue with him. For now this has to be your issue, and yours only. You've been dating for 3 and a half years, so it wouldn't really suprise me if he's actually feeling very secure in the relationship and can put more of his energy right now into his career. That's very typical for men. Once they feel satisfied for the moment they can relax and put more effort into other things. I hated hearing this from my man, but he said it just like that. He said, "no offense maggie anne but I'm more concerned about this and that, than planning a suprise romantic weekend getaway with you"...just an example...you get the idea. That's what relationships are all about. Being together, and living your life independantly. Your man might be bored in the relationship right now...not meaning he wants out...just that its boring at the current moment. If you feel things may be boring too...maybe you should spice things up somehow.

If he hasn't done anything that would cause you to question his faithfulness, then you really need to get over your insecurities and trust that he will tell you if he's unhappy with the relationship. He may just be dealing with something personal that you can't/won't have any help solving. Show him love and give him the space he needs to focus on his career or whatever. He'll appreciate that. The easiest way to offend and crush your man is for him to find out you don't trust him...especially if he really cares about you. I'm guilty of this same scenario. Trust your man and keep showing him the love you always have.

Good luck!

[CHANDLERS WISH]

It's difficult to reply based on a "statement", a fact.

It could be insecurity, and it could be intuition but not enough to go on.

I would say to you that as a business owner ( 3) in total, in my life, each time, i concentrated immensely on my businesses, when starting them up as you have no choice, you have to in order to get them of the ground before you can breathe again.

The problem is it takes a good few years to do so.

Somehow there has to be a mixed balance, perhaps not so much at the beginning as you need to spend a fair amount of hours trust me. But the communication is needed to, which may not be the case in your relationship ie) hun, i need to concentrate on this, put quite a few hours into it at the beginning, in order to get it of the ground, so please understand this is short term", instead of a simple no i still love you want to marry you.

But then some guys find it hard to think like us, our emotions and don't realise that it needs to be explained a bit further.

So if he is putting in the hours and it's for his business, i would say that this is what is happening..

Therefore, you may need to try a different approach and advise him that you understand totally that he needs space, and perhaps add a bit of spice in between to remind him "your all woman"...

If he is out and about with mates, and starting a business and neglecting you then, your gut feeling is possibly correct.

If that makes sense.

CW

SO, I GUESS

[commonsense]

I've been with my boyfriend for just over 3 and a half years. Just recently I have been getting this really bad feeling that he just isn't into me anymore. We have discussed this issue a million times and he keeps saying his feelings haven't changed, that he always misses me...the thing is, is that he just doesn't show his feelings as much as he use to. He has a lot going on in his life i.e. trying to start up his own business and what not, could I be confusing his frustrations with him starting his business with putting me on the back burner? Am I reading too much into it? Or is he falling out of love with me. No matter how many times he tells me he wants to be with me/marry me and that his feelings never changed...I can't shake this feeling that I have about him not wanting to be here.

I'll have to agree that owning/starting up a business takes a lot of time and effort (I own one). It can be mentally and physically draining depending on the type of business it is. Right now, if you love him and you say you do, this is what you need to do:

1) Be supportive and stop whining. He's probably already mentally drained.
2) Ask him if there is anything YOU can do to help him with his business. (mail letters, balance books, clean-up, make phone calls, bring lunch etc.)
3) Ask if you all can have a date night/lunch/dinner at least once a week where you can spend time together. That will give him time to plan and work it in with his schedule.
4) Tell him you love him and you want the business to work for both of you and not against you.

I hope this helps!