Are Fantasies Normal??

[rebellee47]

I love my wife of 25 years to death but for last few years have fantasized about having 3 somes MMF or just wathcing her have sex with a very well endowed male. I am not well endowed so that may be part of it and the pleaseure she used to get from well endowed sex toys back when she liked them was awesome. Has anyone else experienced any of this...Lee

[Uneeklyme]

Are Fantasies Normal??

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I love my wife of 25 years to death but for last few years have fantasized about having 3 somes MMF or just wathcing her have sex with a very well endowed male. I am not well endowed so that may be part of it and the pleaseure she used to get from well endowed sex toys back when she liked them was awesome. Has anyone else experienced any of this...Lee

Not really sure what your hitting at. Is it normal for you to fantasize? Yes
about your wife? Yes
about a threesome? Yes
about your wife with another man? Yes
or are you asking if your wife using you toys and it turning you on is normal? Yes by the way and **gasp** is it a size question? size is relevant only to the people involved.

[rebellee47]

It seems to be normal to have these fantasies . What about wanting them to become reality? How does that effect things ? Tried to share these some and my wife wont open up and be honest she denies having any fantasies but when I talk with her about mine she says she can see herself in 3some MFF that mens parts are gross?? She does not like oral sex and detest smell of sperm. But she is a very agressive lover when she gets in the mood and very hot in bed and has explosive orgasms from oral and penetration.

[rebellee47]

I think alot of this for me anyway stems from me being deprived , I never thought of sharing her or 3 somes or anything else until I quit being fullfilled She was just such a tiger when we used toys and it would last for couple hours ever since (6-8 months ago) that she told me to get rid of them I am lucky if we last 30 minutes usually when she reaches her oral the I am satisfied and it is over. We keep a calender of days we have sex and May so far is 1 time, April 2 times , March 3, Feb 3, Jan 4. Take Jan 3 of the 4 were in a row with 2 weeks on either side with nothing. I am a shift worker so i am gone 7 nights a month and she works days and seems to always be tired. She has been having heavy menstuel cycles lately and according to her Dr. is slightly anemic. She is 45 and was a sexual hellion in her mid 20's to mid30's but when 40 came , the desires seem to go away except for once or twice a month and I usually have to be the agressor for this to happen

[anonymouswhitefemale]

These are natural fantasies, ones which most guys and probably to a lesser extent go through. Fantasies and the journey through them are definately encouraged by a sexually unfulfilling relationship. You start thinking of whatever you can to arouse yourself, and this frustration takes you further and further down the line of sexual fantasy. Since she's become a prude, there's now way of most of these things happening, also bear in mind that a lot of these fantasies are very male oriented. You are generally fantasizing about her being sexually devastated, having her reluctant vagina exploited, her feminity exagurated. There's no real solution to this, I fear.

But yeah, it's all normal, as unfortunatly so are sexless partnerships.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Has she always felt that a male's penis is gross?

Is she at least willing to use her hand or na, full stop?

Yet loves the penetration and you giving to her?

I would wonder what she would do if you went ahead with a 3some MFF and the other female went down on you, how she would feel?

I also agree that fantasies are usually bought to the forefront more so, based on lack of personal satisfaction and so you dream a dream and sometimes that dream almosts feel real you can almost touch it.

Fantasies are healthy if you keep the word to "word" not factual.

Fantasies acted out are healthy - if both parties 100% agree to that fantasy.

There are risks i believe acting on a fantasy involving another partner but i think you know that part.

I think you may be looking deeper into the fantasies for solutions to the situation..

It may be a faze 6 - 8 months...........

I am not sure why you are recording the times (we record), that just keeps it in your mind exactly how many and that's pressure as well.

Why not make up some irrelevent fantasies that just the two of you act out and play in...

Go on an adventure - where it's "take me" she doesn't get the oral, just the stimulation of the adventure, get her mind opening back up again.

Like catching her walking through the door with the lights out and taking her.... being in a lift and pressing stop button in a lift that's not used much of course... that type of thing, see where that leads you....

Then your the agressor, but your not there to please her but to take her in an exciting way, hopefully opening as i said her mind again to the excitement of sex, rather than what she gets out of it and you don't.

CW

[rebellee47]

Has she always felt that a male's penis is gross? she said exactly that about year ago and has only given me oral 3 times in 25 years and that was when i was in a period like she is now and wasnt interested but I had a mdeical issue that caused mine and has been resolved for several years now.

Is she at least willing to use her hand or na, full stop?She has used her hand when she really didnt feel like doing anything or it was her period. Not that often.

Yet loves the penetration and you giving to her? She likes me to do her doggy style immediately after bringing her to oral orgasms. I can last for a while if we were regular but with spotty sex I often go after 5 minutes or so. Now when we were using the toys ( strap on penis) about 8-10 inches long she would reach several orgasms after oral and seemed to really enjoy it but this seemed to dissappear about 6-8 months ago.She always claimed she didnt like them for 15 years but several times after oral she would ask me to get them out .

I would wonder what she would do if you went ahead with a 3some MFF and the other female went down on you, how she would feel? I ask her the first part of that t when she said it and she ignored me . as for the latter I am only interested in her really I could however get into watching her do anything with another man or woman if it sparks her desire.

I really believe some heavy sex with a well endowed man that was gentle and clean would do her a world of good but that is my fantasy. I would be happy to bring the toys back. I will say this she was prone to bladder infections seemingly always within a week or 2 of using toys . I washed them and used a condom over them but since we have not used them she has not had any ?? Maybe it was the size causing it? I really dont know. She hates oral sex as for as her on me but she cant even think of sex unless she is orally stimulated first..Lee

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Geee.......

Well she very well could have stopped the toys if she was having bladder problems and now not, as a result, that makes sense.

I don't know that you would be happy Lee, if you bought a guy into the picture and was there to watch..... I know you want to please her, seems she want's to find a way back, with MFF.

I can only suggest what i did, add some "both of you only" fantasies new into it all.

I doubt that if in all that time, she really hasn't wanted to use her hand, or mouth that that will change. Sorry... that sucks... no punt intended.

But, you still need to get out there together hey....

Maybe she needs to also play a part hey. Like on top of you where she can control her postions and you can feel for a change.

Sorry....

CW

[rebellee47]

She has gotten on top some of the time . She really didnt say she wanted MFF she said she could see that before MMF that she thought male parts are gross and womens parts are pretty and that is why she has never hid the fact from me from pretty much day one that she hated to do oral sex on male and hated the smell of sperm so i have never pressured her . She did it willingly the 3 times she has done it and never finished it just got me arouseded enough to climb on top so to speak. I have given up on ever fulfilling my fantasy for and with her and not sure she would enjoy it as much as I would enjoy watching it but I just think because of our experinces with the larger dildos and the explosive orgasms that she acheived with them, they were mind blowing and she would shake all over after about 4 of them and just lay there tingling she would call it, that she would enjoy some quality from a experinced stud . NOT A PORN STAR, but more of a guy that has experince helping married couples with this. I have checked around and have found a couple with good references and decent reputations for providing this service totally confidential and very discreet. One guy is a college professor I have talked with for the last year . He said he would do her but only after meeting in a public place for dinner and a drink no sex first meeting, and make sure she would be ok with it . He has done this with a lot of married couples over the years . He is mid 50's and meets the endowment requirement. He has made alot of friends with the couples he has been with and is not a home wrecker . I just dont know how to ever get her to want to do something like this but he told me about half of the women come out of there shell and really enjoy the lifestyle and the other half just had a good time . He only has a few couples that he wil engage in this with more than 1 time per year and those are the few he has been with for a lot of years now. I know there are a lot of them that just want to bang your wife , but this fellow is legite and has helped me with alot of problems thruohg last year . For the longest time he wasnt sure he would even do her because of her hangups but eventually agreed to if I ever convince her . Ever experience anything like this?? Is this desire taboo? Should I just totally forget this and look into exploring some other area to stimulate her sexual desires ? Or just forget about all of it and hope she comes around before I loose my desire? I know when we were regular I was more interested but when I go for several weeks with nothing like I said in earlier post I can watch a little 3some porn on youporn and masturbate and she never knows and I am satisfied for the momentt????..Lee

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Ever experience anything like this?? Is this desire taboo? Should I just totally forget this and look into exploring some other area to stimulate her sexual desires ? Or just forget about all of it and hope she comes around before I loose my desire? I know when we were regular I was more interested but when I go for several weeks with nothing like I said in earlier post I can watch a little 3some porn on youporn and masturbate and she never knows and I am satisfied for the momentt????..Lee

I am glad that you have found a guy in a profession pertaining to sexual needs, etc to talk to as that's highly important.

I think though it has to be "both of our choices", you both want this, not you, and not her and you can't co-erce her into it as she will just end up agreeing for you and that may cause the end of your marriage if after she feels violated or that she cheated even if it was in front of you. I would definately say NO... You've been together for ever.

What about swingers? Well not swapping partners but being in the same room as another couple watching, and visa versa? Na, too much pressure.

I would look at ways to "explore some other area"...

I would look back - "a Lepord does not change it's spots" it may get greyer but like riding a bike it all comes back...

Look back to when it was brilliant except for her giving to you, i hate that, but anyway, look back and bring all that back ever so slowly so she is non the wiser...

My ex-husband honestly, would pretty much laugh at the inset and during? WT?

There was never "passion" in his eyes... So i never felt comfortable to let go.

Before him, my ex-fiance different, different story...

Now, i'll go back to being me who i was sexually and of course, add more in now that i can.

Point being, it's like riding a bike, i haven't forgotten, and i want to ride faster and longer now..

Take her back...

To...

The beginning....

Best of wishes Lee.

CW