heartbroken

[heartbroker]

my only brother is married to a woman who apparently took an immediate dislike to me over something that I said although I was never told what it was - I only know the context was trying to coach her when she met my parents for the first time (they are a bi-racial couple). My intention was to encourage her to just be herself and give things time to settle but she didn't take it that way and has not told me - nor has my brother - exactly what I said that was so awful. We've been social over the years, dinner at my house and theirs until a couple of years ago when she refused to come home until I was out of the house. Since the night I volunteered to leae, I have not been allowed back in the home. When it was just her and my brother told me he was working on it, it was OK but recently he has adopted the policy and I am no longer allowed in their home. I co-signed with my brother to get him in the house, crate trained their puppy and have watched her when they traveled over the past 7 years and all of a sudden, I am exiled. He says he still wants to come over and see me and go to dinner but I just can't come to his home ever. I am torn between dispair and rage and don't know what to do to work through the paid and try and get beyond the raw emotion. She is from a broken family in my mind is doing to our family exactly what destroyed hers and I just don't what I could have said that would engender this much contempt - she has never told me - please help

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Your intentions may have been good.

She may have felt you "dissed her" and if she has come from a broken family she may have also suffered at the hands of silly teenagers at school, lots of things...

So, what ever you said at the beginning must have cut deep.

Also, sorry but you may be a little controlling in their lives, she may want to just have her marriage to herself.

You co-own, the dog, advising her?

So, she's called it quits and as she is his wife, he respects that.

But as his sister, he loves you and has not and does not want you out of his life.

The only way to heel a rift, is to talk about it!

Perhaps one on one, ask her for coffee, ask to bury the bridges and let her know you don't want to interfere in their life, just be a family...

CW

[ChelseaRenee]

my only brother is married to a woman who apparently took an immediate dislike to me over something that I said although I was never told what it was - I only know the context was trying to coach her when she met my parents for the first time (they are a bi-racial couple). My intention was to encourage her to just be herself and give things time to settle but she didn't take it that way and has not told me - nor has my brother - exactly what I said that was so awful. We've been social over the years, dinner at my house and theirs until a couple of years ago when she refused to come home until I was out of the house. Since the night I volunteered to leae, I have not been allowed back in the home. When it was just her and my brother told me he was working on it, it was OK but recently he has adopted the policy and I am no longer allowed in their home. I co-signed with my brother to get him in the house, crate trained their puppy and have watched her when they traveled over the past 7 years and all of a sudden, I am exiled. He says he still wants to come over and see me and go to dinner but I just can't come to his home ever. I am torn between dispair and rage and don't know what to do to work through the paid and try and get beyond the raw emotion. She is from a broken family in my mind is doing to our family exactly what destroyed hers and I just don't what I could have said that would engender this much contempt - she has never told me - please help

That sounds like a pretty bad situation but...What kind of coaching did she need, exactly? Was it just because they were a biracial couple...? Because if so, I think I'd take offense to that, too. Like it was such a distasteful situation that I had to be taught how to act around his family and that I needed to let things "settle". That kind of implies that you and your families feelings about biracial couples aren't the best if they need time to accept it or whatever, and yeah, I'd be PO'd too.