bad sex, great relationship

[missywho]

Hi there. I'm really frustrated and I didn't know where else to turn, so here I am..

Okay, so I've been with my current bf for almost a year and I'm getting to the point where I do not want to have sex with him because I feel like we aren't compatible sexually. In the beginning, I use to initiate sex with him, but anymore, he is the one to constantly bring it up. When we do go at it, it's usually awkward and silly. He can't seem to find a happy medium between cracking jokes and being really aggressive. Either he's hard and I'm dry down there, or I'm really wet and he can't keep it up. I feel like he doesn't touch in the right way. I'll be honest, I have bigger lips down there and it tends to hurt when he tries to rub me or rub his penis against that area. I've told him a few times that I don't like it, but he insists on doing it. Also, when he figures out that I like something, he does it over and over again. There is hardly any anticipation. Basically, I feel like our sex isn't natural. He can read my mind when it comes to anything else, but with sex, it's a complete miss. I've tried voicing how I feel, but he just gets offended. I feel like he's always satisfied with our sex, but I just feel used and unsatisfied. Is anyone else going through this or you felt this way before? I appreciate both advice and related stories. Thanks.

[rcoreyus]

Well the good news is that you said that "when if finds that I like something he does it over and over again". So it sounds like he is trying - just not very well.

Maybe you can teach him what you really like. Are you comfortable enough with him to just tell him - not hint, but be clear and explicit.

Is he willing to try new things? This may be too out there, but maybe he'd like to be tied up, and then you can demonstrate EXACTLY how you like it.

The fact that he is willing to try means that there is hope.

[SorridLives]

It does sound awkward, from what you are saying.
My advice is to try to talk to him seriously and tell him that what you say is what you mean, and if he wants to have great sex that he should listen to you and you will listen to him.
He may be rubbing on your "lips" below because he the way it feels. Tell him it is down right uncomfortable for you. Be kind but direct.

[SorridLives]

Correcting a sentence above (since we cannot edit here! Argh! )

"He may be rubbing on your "lips" below because he *likes* the way it feels. Tell him it is down right uncomfortable for you. Be kind but direct."

[Rozz]

My friend has been with the same guy for almost four years now. They lost their virginity to each other and my girlfriend almost hated having sex with him after awhile because she never got any pleasure out of it but of course she kept doing it cause he would complain and eventually he got better. I think sex is something that takes years to get down before its really the best, for both male and female.
But you say you feel your sex is un natural with him...is it because he cracks jokes during intercourse then turns to being aggressive? That didn't make much sence to me but I don't think I would like my partner to make a joke then turn aggressive. I think that would totaly throw me off form what we were doing.

If hes hard and your dry have him just touch or kiss you. Do stuff that does turn you on so your atleast both on the same page. Or vis versa.

And as for your lips hurting, is it because hes stroking to hard or is it just unpleasent to you? You deffinently need to tell him if it hurts you and if he really cared he would stop even if he does like the way they feel, you obviusly don't.

[missywho]

Well to be honest, the reason I put this all out there is because we had a fight the other night when we got a hotel room and tried to have sex, but it didn't work out. We ordered a porn on t.v. and we were trying to get into it, but it didn't feel like he was starting things out right and he went limp maybe 5 minutes in. He then told me he felt insecure about his body when watching the guys in the porn. I'm more sympathetic to it now, but at the time I was really frustrated I guess because I had put a lot of expectations on that night. I just feel like sex is always so good for him but I somehow lose out. Anyway, I talked to him about it and I said, "I think you just need to get in touch with your sexual side." He explained to me that he's always thinking and it's hard for him to get into that frame of mind. Tonight I helped him out by initiating sex and dominating him. It worked out really well. I like being in control, and he doesn't mind it. Oh! and we figured out that we enjoy sex better in the light. Well, thank you all for your responses. They were very helpful.

[jonny]

He then told me he felt insecure about his body when watching the guys in the porn.

Yea.................Porno isn't the best thing to go by. The dudes in them have six-packs and giant penises.

It can make a guy pretty insecure.

Tonight I helped him out by initiating sex and dominating him. It worked out really well. I like being in control, and he doesn't mind it. Oh! and we figured out that we enjoy sex better in the light. Well, thank you all for your responses. They were very helpful.

Glad you figured it out. Some guys like for a woman to take control.

[EmotionsRvalid]

You say that he does what you say you like over and over, well that's good, now catch him doing something else or ask for him to do something (he's obviously no sex psychic mind reader) and when he does say I like it, AND I like the variety. Ha ha- see where I'm going! All this seriousness and what not takes the fun out of sex. It brings on tension maybe thats where the joking on his part is coming from you know, to break tension. KY is a good solution to the whole on/off wet/dry thing. 100% natural is ideal to some, but life just isn't 100% ideal in my state. Yours? I hate to admit it, but this reminds me of times when I let my expectations create my unhappiness. Maybe not in sex, but just the same.

[annettelode]

Hi,

You treat is just like reading my own story.
Right now i am sitting here pretty frustrated over my boyfriend who i have broke up
with several times because of the same problem:
He do not know how to treat a woman in bed and all he does is to jump on me and get finished in 2 minutes without plesuring me at all.
Why?
I really don`t know what to do,i have said to him that i can`t have sex with him anymore unless he changes his "doing"and it does not seem like he understand anything and blame me everytime i leave.

This is just wrong and i really don`t know what to do.
We have a great time together when not having sex.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Old Thread annette, usually we'd close it as the OP has not returned,and create one for you, as a new thread, however, how old are you both?

How long have you been together?

Have you discussed oral with him? Do you do Oral on him? Does he with you? Sounds like no is that answer.

Maybe the two of you need to investigate more on what is intimacy verses what is sex and communicate more on that level, if there is love involved.

If it's just sex and he won't listen? Then I'd say, he's not listening, your not matched and get on with your life.

CW