Totally confused?!?

**HighFlier** · 09-30-2010 12:41 AM

Okay, here's my problem. I will try to make it as short as possible.
I'm 23 and a virgin. I have never been in a serious relationship. For some reason I have trust issues. I also have very low self-esteem, and low confidence about certain things. It's probably negative thinking, but I find it hard to believe that anyone (guy) will see through my outer shell (overweight), to see who I am inside. I've met nice guys and had friendships, but they've never gone very far for multiple reasons (me). Lately, it seems that I've been thinking about sex a lot. And I mean a lot. I can't go anywhere without it being on my mind. I have even started having a lot of dreams about it. The few guys friends that I had that wanted it to be something more, I could tell that they wanted it to be more for reasons that I didn't want. I want to know for sure that I guy appreciates me for me before I give myself to him. But, with everything going on right now in my mind, I starting to get confused about all of this.
If anyone can help with anything mentioned above, it would be appreciated.
If anyone knows of ways to get passed low self-esteem, or ways to build confidence, or easy ways to lose weight. I am open minded right now.

**sourpuss** · 09-30-2010 08:13 AM

Well, there's no 'easy way' to lose weight. If you're weight is the main cause of the low self esteem, then you need to dedicate yourself to getting healthy and getting into shape. Not only will you feel better about the way you look, you'll feel better mentally and physically. That in itself will give you a lot of confidence. Not to mention the confidence gained by putting your mind to changing your lifestyle and achieving your goal. That's the first thing you need to do.

If it were me, I'd try to find a way to get past the notion that sex has to mean something. That may not be the best advice, but for me it's true. Sometimes you just want to get laid you know. I think a lot of women are hung up on the whole sex thing having to be about how much you care about someone or mean to them, etc. Then they either can't enjoy the experience for what it is or they end up disappointed when it doesn't work out like a fairy tale. Again, maybe not the best advice for everyone but I think it would help a lot of women to just be ok with being sexual and enjoying it without all the emotional strings attached. It's not something that can happen overnight, of course. But I'd start with recognizing that you are sexual, that you want to enjoy it and that's ok.

But first thing is that you need to work on building a healthy lifestyle, physically, mentally and emotionally. That will give you the self esteem to go out and meet people and take some chances on men. Some will work out, some won't. That's just life. But none will work out if you wait around for 'that special someone who will love you forever' or for 'an easy way to lose weight'. It just won't happen. Focus on you and your overall health and a lot of things will fall into place.

**masterchief** · 09-30-2010 12:49 PM

Buy a battery powered friend. About 100 years ago that was the medical cure for hysterical women with too much built up frustration.

**WildChild** · 09-30-2010 01:12 PM

Originally Posted by masterchief

Buy a battery powered friend. About 100 years ago that was the medical cure for hysterical women with too much built up frustration.

Doctors used to provide women with 'treatment' in their office, using a vibrator. Things sure have changed.

**rcoreyus** · 09-30-2010 05:48 PM

Yes, now doctors offer drugs to make you feel less stressed. Not clear its an improvement.

**Allie602** · 09-30-2010 08:03 PM

Losing weight is the biggest self esteem booster you will have at this point. How over weight are you or how much weight do you need to lose. One thing that works to help me keep my weight in check is a low glycemic diet and moderate exercise. I don't diet but I avoid foods that dump glucose or sugar into the blood rapidly after eating. No candy, cookies, cakes, white bread, white potatoes, rice, pasta. You can find out about the proper foods by doing a search on low glycemic index diets.

It's easier than watching every calorie although you should do that as well. You just the watch the type of food and the amount you eat. Once you start losing you will pick up momentum and it gets easier and easier.

Also, what are your goals and are you working towards them? Another booster is to have goals and work towards them. The more you accomplish the better you feel.

One thing to avoid is to getting involved with men who want to have sex but don't want to be seen with you in public or by their friends. Better to be alone with a vibrator than a sperm dump. You mentioned having male friends who wanted to take it further. Did he ask you out on a date or make an attempt to spend time with you alone but in public, did he make the fact that he liked you secrete or public. That tells you a bit about what they are thinking about.

You'll get there, have no fear, you have your life ahead of you and you'll overcome your demons, just start.

**AZ Guy** · 09-30-2010 10:12 PM

In my humble opinion; I would focus more on your self-esteem than your weight. I've known twigs (weight-wise) who had troubles with relationships because of self-esteem issues, not because of body type. Embrace the body type you have, find out what makes you happy about yourself and gravitate towards that.

**CharlesV** · 10-01-2010 05:25 AM

Originally Posted by sourpuss

Well, there's no 'easy way' to lose weight. If you're weight is the main cause of the low self esteem, then you need to dedicate yourself to getting healthy and getting into shape. Not only will you feel better about the way you look, you'll feel better mentally and physically. That in itself will give you a lot of confidence. Not to mention the confidence gained by putting your mind to changing your lifestyle and achieving your goal. That's the first thing you need to do.

If it were me, I'd try to find a way to get past the notion that sex has to mean something. That may not be the best advice, but for me it's true. Sometimes you just want to get laid you know. I think a lot of women are hung up on the whole sex thing having to be about how much you care about someone or mean to them, etc. Then they either can't enjoy the experience for what it is or they end up disappointed when it doesn't work out like a fairy tale. Again, maybe not the best advice for everyone but I think it would help a lot of women to just be ok with being sexual and enjoying it without all the emotional strings attached. It's not something that can happen overnight, of course. But I'd start with recognizing that you are sexual, that you want to enjoy it and that's ok.

But first thing is that you need to work on building a healthy lifestyle, physically, mentally and emotionally. That will give you the self esteem to go out and meet people and take some chances on men. Some will work out, some won't. That's just life. But none will work out if you wait around for 'that special someone who will love you forever' or for 'an easy way to lose weight'. It just won't happen. Focus on you and your overall health and a lot of things will fall into place.

Bang on, agree 100% with this post.

**Thomas Hepburn** · 10-01-2010 11:10 AM

Agree with the others. I'm sure you are a lovely girl and deserve a nice guy.Believe it or not I was stunning as a younger man but still had problems finding the right girl to have sex with, lol. Use a vibrator to relieve yourself and don't feel guilty about it. Be confident, try to lose some weight and most of all, be HAPPY. Happy people attract a lot of people. xx

**LittleLily** · 10-01-2010 11:15 AM

as other make yourself happy. Don't even think about serious relationship versus sex. If you sex - just go along with it, if any guys really wants it too.
It goes well with me.