In desperate need of support and advice :'(

**beautiful kyss** · 09-30-2010 08:09 PM

I'm 5'8'' and I weigh 234 lbs I do carry the weight very well though. I'm a size 14, and I believe a lot of my weight is in my breasts (34 J cup).

To put it simply my neck and my back are killing me. I NEED to reduce the size of my breasts by losing weight as well I'd like to look and feel better. I can't handle this anymore. I live in an abusive environment right now and my mentality is going down the tubes. I get told I'm too fat constantly by my father and It breaks my heart too look at myself in the mirror. I know a lot of you will say just leave, and yes I'm trying to get out but it's never easy, to put it nicley I'm trapped in .

My goal to lose weight isn't based on what my father says or does but because I'd like to feel better physically (my back and neck) as well as to gain more energy and have a better mindset. By making this goal and trying to reach it I'm hoping to build courage and realize I can do something if I put my mind into it. I just need so
something to take my mind off of everything.

I need support I need help :'( I'm on my last leg here. I don't just mean support for weight loss but for all of this. I feel alone and I'm scared. I need someone I can confide in and trust and I literally have no one.

My dad won't allow me to go to the gym or for walks so In regards to the weight loss is there any other possible way to drop some pounds? I eat a lot right now, but I've been doing dangerous things like binging and purging and I don't want to do it like that. I just want to feel better.

I'm such a mess even as I write this I just forget what I was trying to get at. I just really need someone

to help support me through this time in my life.

Can anyone even hear me...

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 09-30-2010 08:38 PM

Welcome to the Forum...

I am at a loss as to why your Father, can be so cruel... We are all beautiful, you remember that.. In addition why won't he let you go to the gym or for walks, can I ask how old you are?

We are definately a support Forum and we're here for you even just to vent...

If he won't let you go to the gym or for walks, close your door and walk around your room at a fast pace, bend and touch your toes 10 x and straight up slowly, and repeat, use a broom stick behind your neck and twist to the left and right, hold and repeat 20 times and do this daily...

Sounds like your depressed of what he is doing as to why your binge eating, want to win or him win

I think it's time to beat him by doing what you can yourself, try really hard to tell yourself, I will win, you won't every time you look at that food..

And remember, we are here, so you can confide and trust in us to have someone to talk to.

CW

**beautiful kyss** · 09-30-2010 08:59 PM

I'm 21. Yes I know it's ridiculous to let him still do what he does, but it's an extreamly complex situation even I can't wrap my head around. Thank you for the warm welcome, it means the world to me. I'm hoping joining this will help keep me sane.

I'm not allowed to use the Internet so thank god for the iPod touch. My dad doesn't know this connects to the Internet so it's my one and only escape for the day, lay here in my bed.

Thank you for the ideas, I will definitly give them a try.

I can't go for walks bc he simply won't let me. I tried to convince him to let me work out at an all girls gym last year and he lost it. He smashed everything I had in my room with a baseball bat just to get his point across that I was not going. He makes everything a big deal.

Things are such a mess. I can't get myself through this because I can't sort all this out in my head. I don't even know where to get started. Like I said there's so many problems. I know I need help. I need someone to rely on that will listen, not judge.

I'm scared bc I feel it in my heart that my souls been beaten to an inch of it's life I've almost lost the fight...

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 09-30-2010 09:10 PM

Honey, there are lots of regulars here and once they read your thread, you'll have lots of support.

You can't live like this for the rest of your life... Your 21 years of age, not 10..

So I take it Mum is not around? Any brothers or sisters? Are you close to another relative that you can talk to about all of this?

I take it you don't work, or he won't let you do that either?

I may be gone for a bit, but I'll reply again when I return.

Don't you ever give up, one day, we all get to live our lives "our way" and no one can tell us what to do anymore... Giving up can't be an option okay...

It's finding a solution and I am sure the more you write, the more we will get the picture and the more we can offer some thoughts..

But our support is always here okay.

CW

**beautiful kyss** · 09-30-2010 09:35 PM

When I was 15 my mom was taking me to school and we were t boned by a ten ton rig. My mom passed away on the way to the hospital. Her and I were close so I know if she were still around, things would be a lot different.

I do have a brother who I found out a few years ago was only my moms son. Not my dads. And I also found out my dad has another son older then me. The brother I grew up with is 27 but he's moved away and hasn't had contact since he left.

I used to try and talk to my grandma about things that were happening after my mom passed away. She always supported me but now she's very ill and I'm afraid to stress her out. She's dying and I'm not going to let the last days of her life revolve around me. I do my best to keep her happy. My dad doesn't like when I phone her (she lives far away) so I only get to talk with her a few times a month and it has to be on speaker phone so my dad can here.

I do work, 6 days a week, 10 hour data at an office. My dad keeps tabs on me there. He texts me all day at work and if he thinks I left he will phone my work phone to see if I'm still there or not. If I don't answer then he'll come to work. Everyone knows something goes on, I've come to work with black eyes etc, and I've tried to confide in a co worker once but they just didn't care. It's amazing how cold some people have become. I understand some may just not know how to help me but sometimes just listening helps.

Work is my only escape for the day. So I enjoy it the best I can but it's hard when I have so much on my mind.

I want to save up money and just leave the country to another bc I know my dad cannot pass the boarder bc he's got a record. But I can't save money bc my father takes it for himself and he spends it.

I feel so embarrased writting this now :'( seeing how messed up my life is right now by writting it out just hurts me even more.

I just need ideas how can I get out of here

i was trying to think of how I can make extra money that he doesn't know about but Its hard when the only time I'd get a chance is at work. Any ideas ?

**sourpuss** · 09-30-2010 10:05 PM

You need to contact a women's shelter tomorrow on your work break. There are resources out there for you, please reach out and take advantage of them. You can escape and stay at a secret shelter and he will not know you are there. BUT, you have to be absolutely ready to leave for good and NEVER go back and NEVER contact him (or anyone who has contact with him) again. PLEASE call tomorrow, do not waste another day living this life. You are a grown woman and you do not have to live like this. Please.

**beautiful kyss** · 09-30-2010 10:13 PM

I don't know how to do that though because I could find a shelter here but that doesn't help me get out. The only chance i get is from work and it's not a big enough window of time to leave without him knowng. Then Im scared once I leave he'd find me again. Even at the shelter that's probably the first place he'd go.

I have gotten enough courage to leave twice before, needless to say both did not end well. I'm so stressed out that I can't form a plan on my own. And that's what I need astep by step plan to follow. Then all I need is enough courage one morning to follow through with it

easier said then done of course

**sourpuss** · 09-30-2010 10:30 PM

There are shelters out there that are secret. There's no way for him to even know it exists. You need to make some calls and start planning. Pack only the essentials and just leave....for good. Do you have any friends that would take you in and make sure he can't hurt you?
Why is he doing this? Was he like this to your mother and your brother? Can you contact your brother and tell him you need out as well? What would the police do?

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 09-30-2010 10:43 PM

Honey, if your Dad's had a brush with law, I'd consider also going to the Police, I am sure people have seen your black eyes before, and put a restraining order on him and ask them to help you find a shelter that he can't find you at, but first, before that, start applying for another job, somewhere else so that you can earn some money, with you at a shelter and a different employment, he wont be able to find you..

And, with your last pay check, keep it, and have the Police escort you to the house to retrieve your personal items ( if you can't take them to work without him knowing) and take you to the shelter..

This man is controlling, abusive, using you, and belittling you, weighing you down, making you fear so you can't leave...

You have to go to the Police and get them to help you, I don't know of shelters as I am in Australia, so correct me guys if I'm wrong that the Police will not do anything until she is safe and out of there.

CW

**Beautiful Disaster** · 10-01-2010 01:51 PM

You're an abused woman. Fear drives your life, your decisions, your emotions, etc. You're not alone, even though I know it feels like you are. Courage Network (Google it) is a site for abused women. It's a great place. You can sign on anonymously under any name you choose. The Founder/Directors name is Lyn. She will bend over backwards to help you as she has resources all over the country. You can tell her Ashlee sent you.

Sourpuss is right. In my area, the shelter is called BRASS. (Barren River Area Safe Space). No one other than law enforcement and those who run the place know where it is. He couldn't "find" you there, because no one would let him near the place. There are places like this is almost every city. I know it's not home....but it IS a start....and you need a start.

Remember that on any device that connects to the internet, if you do not delete your history, cookies, temp files, etc, he CAN see where you've been and what you've been doing online if he finds out your iPod touch connects to the internet. Delete every thing you do.

What you're living is no life. And as much as you feel trapped.....you're not trapped. You CAN get out...you just have to be smart about it. Just because this man is your father does not give him ANY more right to do what he's doing to you than a rank stranger. No one on this Earth has the right to abuse you.

When you're at work (NOT from home) call your local safe space. Tell them your situation and make a plan. If you have a good relationship with your boss talk to him/her and tell your boss the situation you're in. Ask for him/her to ensure that this man cannot get in the doors of the place.

For right now, unless he physically hits you, don't call the police. I say this because even if the police WISH they could run him through a paper shredder....they can't. If they have nothing to charge him with, he won't be taken to jail. UNLESS his previous record has to do with abuse, assault, sexual violence, etc and you could prove he is reoffending.

Is he sexually abusing you as well?

Please, from the bottom of my heart, please listen to us. Use the resources you have, and know there are MANY people out there who will shelter around you like a protective wall from him, but you have to be willing to let that happen. I have a feeling if you get yourself out of this situation, you'll have such a stress relief that losing weight will be SO much easier.

Sweetie, life is not over for you. Not even close. Actually, it hasn't even begun....and if it's up to your sperm donor (he doesn't deserve to be called a father...) you never will. If you visit Courage Network you'll meet many people who can tell you stories of their lives, and their situations were so bad that it seemed truly impossible to get out. Some of them were literally almost dead. But they got out, they survived......and so can you.