HELP please, I need advice..sensitive mother!

**fivepointohhh** · 08-06-2011 07:11 AM

Hello there

I have a topic to discuss that has always been a concern of mine. My mother needs help with losing weight and sticking with a plan. She is 49 years old, has a beautiful smile, blonde hair and a loving & creative personality. She use to be a model in college and rocked the tallest boots & biggest hair in the 80's. However three kids later (14, 15, 23) and a lot of household stress (at home music teacher) her body has changed for the worse. I love her and want the best for my mother but this is a VERY sensitive subject for us to discuss. She gets mad and walks away EVERY SINGLE time I try to calmly & nicely talk to her about it. I usually talk about going to the gym, working out, me and how good it feels to be in shape (don't you agree how "good" it feels?). I've tried several times to ask her to join me at the gym, even pay for her membership but she always makes excuses to why she can't go (too busy...tired..too late..kids...ect) I myself work full-time plus a part time job, and hit the gym after work on the weekends. I understand I don't have kids and games to drive them too ect, but I feel there is NO excuse. There is a vacant tread mill in the house and a park with a walking track right down the street. Her schedule isn't as busy as mine and she is home during the day at least most of the week.

I REALLY want her to make more of an effort for herself to try to lose weight. She is very sensitive and defensive about this subject and I feel I am the only one who has the right to speak with her about this (besides her mother and my father). I am not sure what else to do to help motivate her. I always say I want her to take care of her health since she is getting older and it will only help her live a better life. I leave inspiring articles from the internet, magazines for her to read and tell her stories at times too. I just don't know what to do! I try to be as nice as possible about it all...

She seems to "try" that Weight Watchers point system thing, but I swear I never see her eat that healthy. It just annoys me to see that she doesn't try because I KNOW she can do it because she lost weight in the past but gained it all back. She is so beautiful but the weight is just bad, and I just don't know how to help her do something about it. I’ve seen a lot of her friends lose weight too and her best friend is a tiny little thing, cute, short and full of energy. They look so opposite.

PLEASE please please help me with what we/I can do for her.

I know she would be a lot nicer, happier and a more relaxed person if she exercised more. Additionally, I know how my father would enjoy it too, to have back that sexy woman he first married. I know their relationship would light up once more...
Pleaseeeeee help!! THANK YOU!! I don't want her to settle at the weight she is at now....there is still a chance for her to improve!

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 08-06-2011 07:21 AM

I feel there is NO excuse. There is a vacant tread mill in the house and a park with a walking track right down the street. Her schedule isn't as busy as mine and she is home during the day at least most of the week

Are you concerned for her health or that you go to the gym and she was a Model?

I know how my father would enjoy it too, to have back that sexy woman he first married.

Leave her alone she is allowed to be herself, in my opinon.... If he doesn't love her due to weight? She was a Model? Materialistic and that's the way your thread has gone too in my opinion...

Improve on what, looking like a handbag?

**Little.Chuck** · 08-06-2011 07:52 AM

It sounds like she is embarrassed about it. Maybe she thinks people at the gym and at the park will laugh at her, people will laugh if she buys diet foods, like Weight Watchers. It seems you have tried various ways to approach this, including being very subtle about it. Telling her success stories, leaving magazines ETC. Perhaps talking about the issue directly makes her upset and she feels a bit cornered.. Why don't you sit down and write a long letter, explaining why her weight is concerning you, how it makes you feel, the benefits you think she will get out of losing some weight? Tell her you are willing to support her, even exercise with her. With a letter she may not feel so embarrassed, she can read it in privacy and react however she pleases as there is no one else there to see/judge.

You don't say how overweight she is? You have to understand that if she does not want to change, nobody can force her to, and to try will only make her frustrated and even less likely to do anything about it. Also, it seems the reason you want her to lose weight is to look better? If you are embarrassed about your mums weight? Thats your problem and not hers.

**Little.Chuck** · 08-06-2011 07:53 AM

Originally Posted by CHANDLERS WISH

Materialistic and that's the way your thread has gone too in my opinion...

Improve on what, looking like a handbag?

I agree, you didn't tell us how overweight she is?

**fivepointohhh** · 08-06-2011 08:13 AM

Originally Posted by CHANDLERS WISH

Are you concerned for her health or that you go to the gym and she was a Model?

Leave her alone she is allowed to be herself, in my opinon.... If he doesn't love her due to weight? She was a Model? Materialistic and that's the way your thread has gone too in my opinion...

Improve on what, looking like a handbag?

No it's not for the materialistic part. Yes it may sound like it but I am just referring to her past so readers have an idea of what once was. If you just met her you'd understand. I just know she is not happy with her weight & she could be more content, but she hides all emotions. I just know she will feel better and live a better life. It is not healthy to be overweight in general I just want the best for her and I know she is capable of doing it on her own.

All of her kids are very active- we love snowboarding, sports, outdoor activities, bike riding, soccer, swimming, ect and she is never with us to do any of those things. Only my father takes part of those activities and we could be more of a family if she was physically able to join us in these types of hobbies. Don't you agree? Not saying she would want to take part of every single activity but I know for the sake of her children she would in order to spend more time with family....

And yes, you do have a point – my father does still love her no matter what but wouldn’t it make sense he would be more physically attracted to her if she took better care of her body? Not saying she needs to look like a stick figure just shed a few pounds to preserve her health.

**fivepointohhh** · 08-06-2011 08:23 AM

Originally Posted by Little.Chuck

It sounds like she is embarrassed about it. Maybe she thinks people at the gym and at the park will laugh at her, people will laugh if she buys diet foods, like Weight Watchers. It seems you have tried various ways to approach this, including being very subtle about it. Telling her success stories, leaving magazines ETC. Perhaps talking about the issue directly makes her upset and she feels a bit cornered.. Why don't you sit down and write a long letter, explaining why her weight is concerning you, how it makes you feel, the benefits you think she will get out of losing some weight? Tell her you are willing to support her, even exercise with her. With a letter she may not feel so embarrassed, she can read it in privacy and react however she pleases as there is no one else there to see/judge.

You don't say how overweight she is? You have to understand that if she does not want to change, nobody can force her to, and to try will only make her frustrated and even less likely to do anything about it. Also, it seems the reason you want her to lose weight is to look better? If you are embarrassed about your mums weight? Thats your problem and not hers.

I think she is scared to be at the gym among the presence of other people. She use to do Curves but that is done & over with. I like the idea of a letter but I rather speak to her in person, but obviously that isn't working so maybe this letter is a good idea...

As for her weight, I have NO idea. I never asked her and she's never told me. So how do I find this out anyway?

**Little.Chuck** · 08-06-2011 09:04 AM

Originally Posted by fivepointohhh

As for her weight, I have NO idea. I never asked her and she's never told me. So how do I find this out anyway?

Could you estimate what clothes size she is?

**fivepointohhh** · 08-06-2011 09:13 AM

Originally Posted by Little.Chuck

Could you estimate what clothes size she is?

Well shes about 5'3 and is a size 2XL maybe in tops? I found this link:
edit link - links are not allowed

Maybe like the lady on the right but a little taller...

**Little.Chuck** · 08-06-2011 10:40 AM

The link does not work for me, and one of the moderators will delete it when they see it as links are not allowed. You could upload the image instead.

**Crystalblue** · 08-06-2011 11:46 PM

If I were in your situation, I think instead of pressuring her, it might be better to simply keep inviting her out for some light activities. Maybe something like swimming, or you could invite her to shop with you. You could park farther out and walk around a larger store for awhile, not looking for anything in particular, just walk and browse. It's harder to realize how much walking you're doing that way. If it's a touchy subject for her, I'd stay away from putting her on the spot. It might make her pull away from the idea more.

Telling her how beautiful she looks and making her feel special would probably turn into an even better motivator than all the pushing. If someone feels bad about themselves, I've found that motivation to make improvements is lacking too.