I am very thankful for this forum and the people who offer advice and support

[Allie602]

I posted something similar to this on another thread but I thought maybe this is a good place to post too.

I am here because I have avoided deep associations with men in the past because I had a painful experience with an older man when I was 15. So I am somewhat deficient in this area and reading the experiences men and women in relationships who are open to discussion not put off by the things that come out of my somewhat injured stream of female consciousness, brings me out of my head. It is what I would consider a gift which is much appreciated.

Certain that I am not the only woman on the planet who has been injured in experiences with men and reacted in ways that were counterproductive. They may be reluctant to write out a fear of being censured by people who say that they should not feel the way they do. But my need is too great to let censure silence me. Moreover, the exchanges with men like roreyue is helpful to me an maybe helpful to women like me.

My style is sometimes hyperbolic because that's part of my faulty thinking I have a hard time thinking in grays about men and sex and relationships. My default thinking is all or none. My post may be provocative, but I need to say things the way they are in my head and provocative is how it comes. It is not intentionally an invitation to an argument, although to some it may seem so.

I need to express my inner thoughts just as they are to air them out in a way that will help me on my journey to healing. That is why I am here.
I have very few ways of reaching so many people with diverse experiences and opinions and info. I am in therapy but a visit once a week with one person is inadequate to make changes as rapidly as the change in some my attitudes that I have experienced here.
I ask that you understand were I am coming from and that people continue to read and challenge me, that helps more than you know.

[jns]

We know what you are saying comes from the heart, but also it is a reflection of your past. We love you Allie. Keep on posting.

[Allie602]

We know what you are saying comes from the heart, but also it is a reflection of your past. We love you Allie. Keep on posting.

Thanks JNS - I know you have read some of my post. Heavy stuff right. But believe me, I have changed so much in the period of time I have started posting on forums it suppresses even me.

I think the reason is works so well for me is that when I express my true dark inner feelings as if in journal, people respond. Two things have happened to me - the responses to my posting are almost universally the same and i have the benefit of a diverse aray of people’s feelings about different topics. This makes me think of things I have not considered. Those two factors have helped me change my thoughts enormously.

So I am going through many changes all good but sometimes painful. I regret that I wasted so much time living with the pain and rage I felt. Therefore, I am taking the change in my thinking, which is incremental and seems to feed new changes and understandings. It seems accelerated, the more I understand the easier it is to understand new things.

It is difficult on the people near and dear to me, I am having trouble to stay connected because I am thinking so much and I need time to consolidate myself. Right now, I feel fragmented. Some of my firm beliefs have died and the new ones are like babies not yet able to function well yet.

I thrive on words of affirmation. Your words are wine to my soul and makes me feel that I am ok even when I reveal my ugly inner feelings. Thanks for taking the time to read and for the gift of acceptance. You have no idea how you have helped me.

[p3375]

Allie:
Just wanted to echo what JNS said. Much of what you wrote could be said of me too.
Very glad to have you here
Pat

[Allie602]

Thank You Pat. I would enjoy hearing how our experiences match, do you feel comfortable posting your reaction. Sometimes it helps to get a number of diff post debating both sides of an issue. Makes it seem universal when there are lots of people on one side. Maybe there are many sides to an issue and therein lay the gray ares. Since I am increasing my ability to think in the gray zone, I would appreciate any persecutive in response to my post. Thanks so much for responding and for the much need words of affirmation. Hope to see you on the threads.

[Texinator]

I'm glad to hear you're finding the forum so useful and therapeutic. Happy healing!

[Allie602]

Thanks Tex
I have been home on sick leave had surgery on my eyes and the healing has been slower that it should be. Can't drive so I have to wait to be taken out like a child. It's getting better though. Thanks for responding.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

I love that you can speak from your heart, reach out to someone, but also to reach out with love, when someone is in need and make it clearer when we as people are exactly that, living in a stressful world and may sometimes "forget" to hear

Thank you for bringing that to the table...

Whilst we've helped you, you've helped others and that's an amazing gift..

CW

[Allie602]

Thank you CW for your lovely comment. I appreciate your gift of compassion and obvious commitment to help so many people by getting this forum going and keeping it so free of problems. Can't be easy but so needed. I don't know what I would have done if I did not find this community. I love helping people in need but I have been very needy lately. Thank you again Allie