Dating married man and need advice

[USNVET68]

My wife passed away in November 2019 and I started dating.

What I did not expect is the women I did meet and had intercourse they are all married.

Some are in their late 40's and the oldest one is over 75

A "Cheating clown" is not just a male phenomena.

They are lots of women who either have cabin fever or their spouses are not taking care of business at home.

[EmptyNester]

I always wear classic or vintage if I wear a tuxedo because it's the most stylish option.

when you are dating a married man? great idea!

[Wilder Wyatt]

I am definitely guilty of self sabotage. Years after leaving the services I am finally accepting that when things are going well I like pressing the big red button that destructs everything. I feel the most comfort in situations that are difficult. Being happy makes me feel anxious and like to press that big button when things feel too good. Which is strange because it's not in my nature whatsoever but makes it feel so more tempting because of it.

I am new to theropy so I am learning not to do it. But when you are taught to be uncomfortable in difficult situations (it's literally what being a marine is all about) it's hard to unlearn.

I also believe that the military should have an obligation not to take on confused angry individuals, but that ultimately is what makes a good soldier.

[Wednesday L.F.]

This is from a while back. Anybody know if she dropped this cheating clown? I sure hope so.

[Popcorn&Candy]

I'm glad having such a culture isn't here in Britain, jns! I do realize there ARE cultures in the world that agree with mistresses and affairs and the whole palava, but I wouldn't involve myself with someone from such a culture.

[Ashlee T.]

You are getting totally played and yes....you are his mistress.

It is easy to think "well...he obviously doesn't love her though, or he wouldn't be carrying on with me" but the same goes in reverse, "well...he obviously doesn't love me though, or he wouldn't be carrying on with her"

He is not trapped. He is not a victim. He has a wife in one country, and a mistress in another so that he can have his cake and eat it too, no matter where he is. He lies, compulsively, in order to achieve that. He lies to her. He lies to you. He lies to coworkers. He most likely lies to family.

And don't ever be surprised to what extent people, especially family, will go to cover for each other. Many people will turn their head and say, "I'm staying out of it."

As Claret said....run...don't walk.

[Claret]

They might be his relatives and he has pulled the wool over their eyes as well. He has the best of two worlds and you are providing a free ride for him. Run, don't walk away. Find someone that will commit to you only. Don't stick around, you just end up hurting more.

[Popcorn&Candy]

I don't know what is going on with the man. It seems weird to me, too. And I know this advice is as old as time, but it's true: walk away before you get hurt even further. I fear you are his mistress. I know that sounds awfully blunt, but - from what I can tell - it is true.

I can't explain the actions and reasoning of his relatives: it - again - seems very weird to me. The fact, too, that he's bought expensive gifts for the woman he is supposedly divorcing tells me there is no divorce. He is using you. I know that is upsetting, but I think he is.

You're obviously very uncomfortable about these circumstances. I do believe you can do so much better: with a man that isn't claiming to be divorcing. I know he is sexy and hot and all that, but his wife comes first. He'll never walk away from his wife for you. Because he hasn't yet: and I'm afraid never will. They've got a bond that can't be severed: no matter what he tells you.

Walk away and find a person who doesn't play such games with your heart.

[atskitty2]

I didn't finish reading your post, but enough to get the idea.

First, does it really matter, ultimately, if he's filed for divorce yet? He's not being honest with you, or her, or...is he???
What do you want from this relationship? If you're interested in building a long term, healthy, monogamous relationship, this guy shows no evidence of pursuing that same path with you. Right?
Even if he's in the process of divorce, he's got a lot of healing to do to be ready to lay a foundation for a new romance.


My advice: move along before you get any more attached, or invested in what *might* become of the relationship. In all my years of dating, I've experienced nearly everything, this scenario included. Walk away now, and don't play the game of questions, wondering and guessing what's going on. You deserve someone free of these complications, and ready to give to you his time, his energy and commitment.

[jns]

To me it doesn't sound like he is getting divorced. If in his culture it is common for men to have mistresses, his aunt and uncle may not say anything about it.