Would you date a bisexual man?

[Qrious123]

Hello, I'm new here. You all seem a rather interesting lot however and I need a little help
40-something male, always regarded myself as straight but as time has gone by I've started to realise I'm bisexual. It's not something I've tried - yet - but I've a million questions and frankly, no one to ask (not a soul knows this really). Single, returning to dating post-Covid and wondering... well, wondering a lot of things.
... should I tell a prospective partner?... how do I meet a guy who's not going to sleep around... how the hell do I even use a dildo?!
Well, I'd welcome your thoughts

[atskitty2]

Lots to unpack here, so I'll only tackle the main question. I'm a straight female, fwiw, and yes, I think I'd date a bisexual male. I think one of the assumptions made with bi- people is that they can never be satisfied with just person - that they will always need both sexes to be fulfilled. I don't necessarily think an attraction to both sexes impedes an ability to be monogamous, which is what's important to me.

[Qrious123]

Lots to unpack here, so I'll only tackle the main question. I'm a straight female, fwiw, and yes, I think I'd date a bisexual male. I think one of the assumptions made with bi- people is that they can never be satisfied with just person - that they will always need both sexes to be fulfilled. I don't necessarily think an attraction to both sexes impedes an ability to be monogamous, which is what's important to me.

Well, 1-0 in my favour thus far Thank you.
Yes, a LOT to unpack. A lot of long walks and thinking lately
And yes, it's interesting. A couple of ex-girlfriends were bisexual. (Despite what the porn world might have one imagine) it wasn't a big deal to me. As for monogamy, with the exception of an open relationship ten years ago it's never been a problem for me. A few dates (female) of late - no one who really sparked any serious interest and for the time being no need to reveal my shocking secret Having said that, I still wonder if I should even say anything at all. Time will tell.

[Alison H.]

I think as with anything else, whether a person would date someone who is bisexual is really going to come down to personal preference each time. I DO think it's worth mentioning — the men you date may not care much, the women you date... they might. I really have no idea.

Personally, I wouldn't care one way or another — but I'm one of those people who tends to think we're all bisexual to a degree, by nature (whether or not we ever act on it). So it's no big deal, from my perspective.

That said, in a world where safe sex and STI protections are important, I DO think you should be honest about your bisexuality with prospective partners — just as THEY should be upfront with you. This includes sharing any reports of STI testing that either partner has done routinely if sex enters the equation.

As for meeting someone who won't sleep around... that is an age-old question anyone looking to date another person has to face. LOL! I have NO idea where to do that reliably, aside from seeking men who hang out in the places you enjoy spending time in or activities you like doing already. Essentially, places where you'll find like-minded people — that's where I would start.

And the dildo stuff — that comes later (pardon the pun, it was not intentional). I wouldn't worry about that until you're with someone who wants to use them... not everyone plays with toys so it may be a moot point altogether.

That said, you're exploring a side of yourself that's new to you, which is exciting and probably more than a little overwhelming. But you'll figure things out as you go — and we'll help you along the way as you need advice, too.

[Qrious123]

Thank you for your reply Alison.

I guess it's a fair point - it all depends upon the person. My take on this is it's important to be upfront but for now it's not a first date topic. It's funny - I recall when I was in my 20's reading that we're all bisexual, it's a spectrum. At the time I could not have disagreed more. There was zero interest in men at all. I don't think it's a case of suppressing it, I quite honestly couldn't imagine being attracted to me. How things change. Having said that (again, this probably marks me out as odd!) I'm not attracted to men emotionally, purely physically. That makes things difficult, any relationship would be a friendship/sex based relationship only. Thinking about a gay mate of mine and his partner arguing about trivial stuff, I can't imagine me ever being in such a situation. Ever.

Venereal diseases terrify me. When I was younger safe sex never troubled me (like most young men I presume). Now I'm "very" careful (no, not perfect but far more than most I imagine). Much as I fantasise about men I'm very cautious about anything physical. I guess there's a lot of fun to be had with minimal contact

Finding someone... That seems to be the difficult bit (although I've put in little effort here to meet a man in real life) - gay men have many options (it's 2020's, I know there's discrimination somewhere but even gay mates tell me it's no longer an issue for them). Difficult for me to comment but being gay seems to be well accepted in liberal (in the classical sense) society. Being bisexual seems a real taboo though. Odd but I get strong impression it's a no-no for many women and (so I'm told) looked down upon by many gay men. Goodness, do bisexual dating sites even exist?! (Something more to Google)

Haha, yes, dildos. An hour of Googling has told me that
> There's a lot of stuff out there
> You women have a lot more options! Most of my female friends own toys, I doubt many of my mates do (we don't discuss this over a beer).

Thanks again for your good advice. More thinking to be done. For now I think sex toys and non/minimal-physical fun might be where we begin

[Qrious123]

* attracted to one

[Kayla Lords]

When I met my now-husband, it took him a while to tell me he was bisexual (because of so much previous judgment and rejection he'd faced). I never had a problem with it; eventually, he felt comfortable enough to come out as pansexual. It's just another part of who he is like having blue eyes or curly hair.

That being said, unfortunately there are too many people who will have negative opinions, as if you being bi has anything to do with them. Bi-erasure is a real thing and some people will reject you for it. It hurts but also, they're self-selecting out of the running for your time and affection, so let them go. Because the person you want to be with won't care one way or the other.

But I also don't think you have to come out on the first date. Some people I know put it in their bios and profiles so anyone who does have an issue with it can keep on scrolling. Others I know only bring it up once they think the interaction might progress beyond the initial introductions and first date.

[Mo]

Well, it depends. I am a straight guy, so will I date a bisexual guy? No. Because I am simply not attracted to other guys. On other hand, will I date a bisexual woman? YES. Reasons:

A bisexual person is just like any other person, only with a wider pool of people to choose a partner from. If someone who has probably more options than me is choosing me to date her, I will be flattered.

[Vanessa R.]

This is a great topic and so glad you brought it to our attention, Qrious123!

I agree with a lot of the viewpoints on here so I won't do too much rehashing but for myself as a woman who mainly identifies as straight but is also attracted to women (never dated or been intimate with one), I don't think I would mind dating a bisexual man if our relationship goals were in alignment. For example, if I was starting to date a guy and he came out to me as bisexual, I would then have a convo to discuss where he is at in relation to where "we" are at: is he looking for a monogamous relationship with me, an open one, or is he not really trying to "date" anyone exclusively and just wants to have fun?

It would also be helpful to me to know where he is at in his journey as a bisexual man in terms of experience: if he is fairly new to things like yourself, there's a lot of new territory to conquer and experiences to be had. If I was looking for an exclusive, monogamous relationship, that could be a deal breaker, simply because I wouldn't want to risk being emotionally and physically involved with someone who may be in a different place in their lives and vice-versa.

But if we're just having fun and are casually dating/seeing other people, then it likely wouldn't be an issue with me and it would be great to see how things progress for both parties in that respect.

In regards to your situation specifically, definitely take your time and let things happen according to your terms and comfort level. No one says you have to dive right in and just master all the territory that comes with discovering that side of your sexuality. It sounds like you already have a pretty good grasp of that, which is fantastic. Everyone's journey is their own and cannot and should not be compared to the next person. If it works for you and you feel good about it, then great...if it doesn't, leave that situation/person and move on.

As overwhelming as I'm sure all this must be for you, the great thing is you are always in control of the trajectory and the people who respect and understand that will be right by your side through it all, friends and lovers alike. Wishing you the best with this chapter and I hope you keep us updated as to how things are going...we're all here for you and rooting for ya!

[Qrious123]

Well, it depends. I am a straight guy, so will I date a bisexual guy? No. Because I am simply not attracted to other guys. On other hand, will I date a bisexual woman? YES. Reasons:

A bisexual person is just like any other person, only with a wider pool of people to choose a partner from. If someone who has probably more options than me is choosing me to date her, I will be flattered.

I cannot fault your logic there Mo