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Long-term relationship and sexual identity

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  • Long-term relationship and sexual identity

    Hello Lovlies! My partner (29m) and myself (26f) have been together for 10 years. For the past 5 years or so, I have been having very frequent dreams and fantasies about sleeping with other men and women. I love my husband and am very attracted to him. He makes me feel seen and loved, is very sexually open and compassionate, and we can talk about everything. However I feel like because we got together so young, and I didn't really date before him, I never got to explore my sexuality on my own. I constantly feel like I want to be desired by other people. I am wondering if anyone here has dealt with these feelings, and has found that inner work on self love and sexual acceptance was sufficient and that seeking sexual and physical attention from other people may be dealing with the symptom and not the cause, or if wanting to be attractive to other people and explore ones own sexuality outside of a happy relationship is a normal and valuable experience?
    Thank you!

  • Hey and welcome!

    As a happily married woman who just started dating again, I can relate. I was a very different person when I met my now-husband in 1999. I missed all of dating via text, dating apps, all that and really wanted to give it a try.

    You may find that entertaining these thoughts and desires is short lived, or you may meet cool people who end up in your social circle. So long as you and your hubs are communicating and everyone’s feelings are acknowledged and respected, this kind of exploration can be great for both of you.


    • Hi Wednesday! Thank you for your feedback, it is so wonderful to hear other women are having the same feelings and your advise is incredibly helpful. Thanks again ?


      • It's been pretty wild for me, frankly. I had a medical emergency last year and after months of being ill, bedridden, then getting COVID which turned into long COVID, I spent nearly a year getting better and now I'm feeling the same kind of sexual energy I had in my 20s.

        Happily, my hubs has been pretty cool about things (I'm not actually having sex with other men) having boyfriends again and topping cybersubs has been pretty awesome.


        • That sounds like a massive amount to go through, but I'm glad you came out the other side able to prioritise your needs and explore your desires. If you don't mind me asking, did you find it difficult to begin the discussion with your husband after being together for so long? Thank you again so much for sharing your experiences ??


          • lozadeles Dear you can discuss it with your hubby what your fantasy is if you feel that your husband would not affected by it. If you have a strong desire to sleep with another man you can try it once on your own and could explore if it really like that what were you thinking or it is a completely different experience. If you like that experience and wanted to continue it for more times then you should discuss it with your hubby when suitable.
            If you are in strong desire you can try it once with another man.
            Last edited by summer21031985; 10-21-2023, 12:31 AM.



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