Am I with the wrong guy....or is it me?

[atskitty2]

You ask if you're with the wrong guy, and that is, a loaded question as they say. Or is it you, which is again a very complicated question. You seem to at least have an idea that you're both being irresponsible & childish in your handling of personal affairs. I won't elaborate on that, but give some general, overall thoughts:

What pops into mind as I finished reading your post is, don't expect others to do for you, what you won't do for yourself.
And, Be the kind of person you want to be with.
I'm not meaning to be snarky, but you can't expect this person to take care of you, if you're not willing to take care of you. If you want a responsible, steadfast, trustworthy man, then begin leading your own life in that way.
And for what it's worth, again, not snarky, but a really good guy, wouldn't settle for your irresponsible, thoughtless behavior either. So that's why I say, BE that person you want to attract. If you're better, better will come to you, and that goes for relationships & just about everything in life.

[Janessa Sanders]

Janessa:

Let me answer your question without assessing blame. If you are looking for a man to take care of you or even contribute substantially to you financially, you clearly have the wrong man. He has not shown himself to be at all responsible either with money or his job -- drinking on the job and getting fired after a stern warning. Hoping that he will is simply not reality.

Thank you for answering my questions without all the blame. This is a learning experience, I have got to manage my personal business better. I also have to figure out what I am really looking for in a man.

[Janessa Sanders]

You ask if you're with the wrong guy, and that is, a loaded question as they say. Or is it you, which is again a very complicated question. You seem to at least have an idea that you're both being irresponsible & childish in your handling of personal affairs. I won't elaborate on that, but give some general, overall thoughts:

What pops into mind as I finished reading your post is, don't expect others to do for you, what you won't do for yourself.
And, Be the kind of person you want to be with.
I'm not meaning to be snarky, but you can't expect this person to take care of you, if you're not willing to take care of you. If you want a responsible, steadfast, trustworthy man, then begin leading your own life in that way.
And for what it's worth, again, not snarky, but a really good guy, wouldn't settle for your irresponsible, thoughtless behavior either. So that's why I say, BE that person you want to attract. If you're better, better will come to you, and that goes for relationships & just about everything in life.

Thank you for responding, the only thing I will say is that I realize that it is hard to comment when you do not know me as an individual. It is easy to pass judgment. I already mentioned that I made a mistake, but I will not describe myself an irresponsible person unworthy of the love of a good guy, just because I did not handle this important business. Lets keep this in perspective. This had been a difficult time for me as I have been grieving a loss of my son, so yes, I was a bit depressed as well and did not feel like dealing with the DMV.

[Motorguy]

Well Janessa you both are wrong completely irresponsible you both adults not young adults starting off in your life's together. This guy will never change he will continue to do all these stupid stuff driving while drinking loosing his job over it after being warned. Knowing you will find a way to make it all better and go away so he can keep walking blind through life.My feeling is get away from this guy start your life off fresh without this weight around dragging you down more in to a drain.All I see Janessa is misery for you if you continue on in this relationship till he bankrupts you in the process then what.

[jns]

You are both being extremely irresponsible and probably blaming one another for your troubles.

This^^.

[atskitty2]

I'm sorry for the loss you're suffering. How long ago did your son pass away?
It's a good idea to share such details when soliciting advice of strangers, so we have a fuller scope.

I think my thoughts still ring true tho'. I think if you're depressed you need less drama and need to take back control of your life and those allowed to share your life, to make sure they're positive influences.

Seeking some grief counseling is a good idea too. Best of luck dear.

[Motorguy]

Thank you for responding, the only thing I will say is that I realize that it is hard to comment when you do not know me as an individual. It is easy to pass judgment. I already mentioned that I made a mistake, but I will not describe myself an irresponsible person unworthy of the love of a good guy, just because I did not handle this important business. Lets keep this in perspective. This had been a difficult time for me as I have been grieving a loss of my son, so yes, I was a bit depressed as well and did not feel like dealing with the DMV.

I have to agree with Kitty, on this none of us knew about the passing of your son. That could be the issue of forgetting about your DMV issues along with others things. My self I feel for you in your lost, and to say have you seek some kind of therapy to deal with these issue you are going through now.

[calibri~]

Sorry to hear about your child, that answers the question about why you might not have had your priorities and life in order. Please do not confuse being asked to take responsibility with being blamed. The brief picture of this guy that you have painted is pretty bleak..what do you love about him?

[Janessa Sanders]

I'm sorry for the loss you're suffering. How long ago did your son pass away?
It's a good idea to share such details when soliciting advice of strangers, so we have a fuller scope.

I think my thoughts still ring true tho'. I think if you're depressed you need less drama and need to take back control of your life and those allowed to share your life, to make sure they're positive influences.

Seeking some grief counseling is a good idea too. Best of luck dear.

Thank you. I left the issues surrounding my son out because it is something that I do not like to think about, and I wanted to keep this thread focused on the less traumatic dilemma of my relationship problems. But I understand when you say that it gives a better perspective of my state of mind.

[effy2014]

I too am sorry for your loss. In my view, it magnifies the problems with your BF. If you can't count in him to carry most if the load when you are grieving, then he really is the wrong man in your life.