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Girl he almost cheated with is upset he hasn't contacted her ??? Help!

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  • Girl he almost cheated with is upset he hasn't contacted her ??? Help!

    I was involved in an incident about two months ago where my boyfriend nearly cheated with a female friend. He had been text-flirting with her and invited her over to our place while I was out in hopes of getting something else. He realized he was being stupid and didn't want to jeopardize our seven years together so he didn't go through with it and made her leave. They didn't do anything but talk. This is what I believe given what he's told me.

    What I knew about her: The girl was going to college with my boyfriend and only ever socialized with him there or during some group gaming sessions at the local comic book place. She had hooked up with another guy in the group, but they decided to be in an 'open relationship'. She's younger than us by about seven years. I always suspected she might have had a crush on my boyfriend, but never said anything about it because nothing ever happened to make me worry about it.

    Now: We're working on the road to recovery when my boyfriend gets this message from the girl's boyfriend. As per my request, my boyfriend cut all ties with this girl, stopped seeing her socially, stopped talking to her, everything, because I felt he had to if we were gonna make our relationship work. In the message, her boyfriend is asking for an explanation as to why he's cut off all ties, and telling him it hurt the girl immensely....and while she doesn't think of it all the time now it still obviously bothers her. He also says she's afraid she's lost my boyfriend's friendship. She apparently told him what happened, but he wouldn't have minded if they did anything anyway because of the open relationship they're in.

    I had hoped that this girl would have gotten the idea she did something stupid and just backed off. Even if she's in an open relationship that does not mean she has the right to hit on / go after guys who are in a committed relationship. She must have known it would cause a rift between us that would take time to heal. But no, now her boyfriend is getting involved.

    I'm frustrated because I had hoped I wouldn't have to deal with her anymore. And the fact that she's still hanging on to all this makes me paranoid. She only knew my boyfriend for two years, and like I said they weren't even all that social...not really close friends. Would I be wrong in suspecting she was actually in LOVE with him and hoped to hook up with him if I was out of the picture? Because she seems to be taking losing contact with him pretty darn hard for just hoping to be friends.
    Last edited by kiwidaydreams; 08-31-2012, 01:54 PM.

  • I find it really odd that her boyfriend is so bent on helping your guy and his chick maintain their quasi friendship. But this way or that way, its not your boyfriends job to coddle this other mans chicks feelings. That should be his job. Your boyfriends loyalty is to you and your relationship, and given the nature of what almost happened between them... there is no reason they should continue contact in my opinion..thats like inviting someone on a diet out for donuts every weekend.

    Sure, its up to them not to eat them, they know they shouldn't .. but you keep shoving donuts in their face, testing their resolve, and your just creating a situation that isn't condusive to success.

    I am sure she will be just fine without him being her friend anymore, assuming she's a grown up? She could rely on her OWN boyfriend for the friendship she thinks she was getting out of your guy and realize she forever changed the nature of their friendship when she almost crossed the line.
    Scars remind us of where we've been...they don't have to dictate where we're going.


    • kiwi, I really wish you had put this as a new post on your previous thread because that is where a lot of the background for this is.

      Your bf is doing the right thing. Her bf is not. Any reaction you give will just justify her and her bf's methods.
      I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided, and that is the lamp of experience.
      Shall we gather strength by irresolution and inaction? Shall we acquire the means of effectual resistance by lying supinely on our backs and hugging the delusive phantom of hope, until our enemies shall have bound us hand and foot?

      From a speech by Patrick Henry on March 23, 1775 at St. John's Church, Richmond, Virginia



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