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Cursed by the "LJBF"

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  • Cursed by the "LJBF"

    No offense ladies; the truth won't hurt - I just get sick of the "you're a nice guy but "let's just be friends.""

    It's okay. I can take it. Just say you're not interested, or ya know, maybe a "You're not my type" or something. It's okay. The LJBF stuff gets old. We both know you don't want to just be friends.

    /rant.

  • You are right that, lets just be friends is in most cases a polite way of saying a person doesn't feel the chemistry or connection. But I think its hard to relay that to someone in a way that won't hurt their feelings. Especially if THEY feel the chemistry and you don't. It would be easier to say if it was obviously not going to work from either persons perspectives... but when a person is clearly into someone and the other isn't... I think a woman at least giving the tired 'lets just be friends'... is SO much better than leading a man on and having him take her on countless more dates and lets him invest more of his feelings into her before she finally gains the courage to say its not going to work.

    So yeah, it ALWAYS stinks when someone doesn't feel the way we hope they will... and nope, there is no easy way to put that. And yep 'lets just be friends' is lame when its not truly meant... and is just a way of relating there is no chemistry or interest... but ack... its a sticky situation don't you think?

    Its kind of like with anything... people tend to try to put things nicely, when they are nice. Some people are brutally honest...and some people can handle brutal honesty. But some people are insanely uncomfortable with the potential of hurting someones feelings.. and will try to think of something 'nice' to say.

    Perhaps the girls that use the 'lets just be friends line' have recieved some really harsh responses to 'i'm not really feeling this' or something of the like and so think that is the most gentle way to put it? Or maybe they really do see qualities in the person they'd want a part of their life, just not in a romantic way?
    Last edited by Hopeless Dork; 06-12-2011, 11:15 PM.
    Scars remind us of where we've been...they don't have to dictate where we're going.

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    • If a person likes you, but doesn't feel any chemistry or for whatever reason doesn't want to be romantically involved with you, isn't it normal to want to be friends? It seems pretty straight-forward to me.
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      • Maybe there is chemistry, just not sexual chemistry therefore they think you'd be someone they'd enjoy being friends with. On the other hand, I agree that it is probably most often a polite way of rejection. When you're a nice, kind hearted person, it's hard being the one to have to reject. But as hard as it is, it's better than the girl letting you take her out over and over even though she knows there's nothing there.
        "Be what you're looking for."

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        • AZ Guy language is a limited means of communication. What I hear you saying is the message IS being "communicated' and you don't "like" the method. Or is it that you don't like the message? Either way- look at it as a "plus"-she's not interested and told you that "up front" Move on man; plenty of fish in the sea- why waste time and emotion on someone "not interested".

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          • This can be painful however if you take different approach you may get some good results. The more women you have as friends, if you can really be friends, the more opportunity you have to meet their friends. Somewhere out there is a woman who is looking for the man you are.

            Here's a few heads ups, generally men that I put in the friend mode (assuming I've available at the time) seem too needy, too diffident, too aggressive, too serious, too laid back. In other words there is something(s) just too far outside of my center point. Every woman has a different center.

            Comment


            • AZ Guy!

              The solution is simple. If there is little to no chemistry at the beginning, you build it. Let them seduce you, too, so they can feel like women. Don't play all of your cards, make them feel that you are equally good for each other. Women often don't want what they can easily have, just like men. Be playful, interesting, unpredictible, hard to get. Say no sometimes. Have a little control of the situation. Be a man, but don't be a j__k. If a lady thinks you are interesting, she will stick around to see what happens next.

              Make sure you know what you want from life and how to achive that. Evolve constantly. But don't ever brag about it. Be modest. Be strong but let them see the child inside you.

              Seduction is a two way street.

              Comment


              • I guess I should have clarified a little more. I dislike the "LGBF" when it's obvious there is no intent for said friendship. I don't care about hurt feelings, especially early on. To me it just seesm to be a cop out. I'd prefer a straight up "not interested" or even a flat out ignore.

                And thanks all for the responses - it's quite interesting. There's been (and I'm paraphrasing):

                1) polite way of saying no thanks
                2) why worry, what's wrong with friendship?
                3) maybe something there
                4) move on
                5) something too far outside comfort zone
                6) try seduction

                Hence my point. "let's just be friends" it too vague. I would love to hear a "I'm not really attacted to you but you made me laugh, let's hang out" or "I don't see anything happening because you're way different than I thought you were" or "You seem like a good guy, but I'm not ready for anything serious, so let's just be friends" etc. etc. etc.

                LJBF is too vague. At least for me.

                Comment


                • Ah, point taken.

                  Comment


                  • I agree with TS.
                    When I was in the "market", the "LJBF" was driving me nuts !
                    Behold the presence of the Father in all beings...

                    Comment


                    • Originally posted by AZ Guy View Post
                      6) try seduction
                      It's only half of my point. The other is when you act like an adult they will treat you like one, not like a puppy. They will be upfront. BTW, your need to know the reason makes you sound desperate. That's never good. Women sense that from miles away. Hence they will try not to hurt your feeling... It's a funny cicle you've got yourself into.

                      Comment

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