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porn, lying and secrets

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  • porn, lying and secrets

    Hi everyone.
    My boyfriend and I have been together over two years. I love him. But I can't take the disrespect anymore. I'm 29, he's soon to be 34. Our relationship is great. Except a few things. His lack of motivation and lying about porn. When we first started dating, I told him I don't mind porn from time to time. He said he doesn't really care for it.

    Later down the road I noticed a few sites (not snooping) but didn't take it to heart. After moving in together I started to see a side to him I didn't like. He would stay up all night taking adderall and drinking (maybe once a week or so). I started a full time day job and he still works his serving job at night. One morning I woke up around 645 am and caught him in the office ********ed up and mindlessly drooling over porn. I felt so betrayed. I'm working my ****** off while he's watching porn all night?!

    We had a huge fight but got through it. A few months down the road I found his HUGE porn collection. HUGE. Ive never seen anything like it. He refused to delete a single video. I was ****ed. I left and stayed with my sister. I threw his lube away (he bought more that night FYI). We finally worked things out after I asked him to just get rid of his "collection". He didn't so I did it for him.

    He said he wouldn't keep a collection anymore. I kept getting copy right infringement notifications bc of his downloads. He changed the password to his computer but I still found his brand new massive collection. Not just 1-2 videos a day. Sometimes up to 10.

    He just lies to my face about it again and again. He justifies it. He downloads porn all day while I'm working. He stays up all night playing video games. He's going no where in life. He refuses to just tell me the truth. I asked him to give me the password to his computer or to tell me the truth. All i wanted was the truth. He looks me in the eyes and lies with no remorse. He called me crazy for not respecting his privacy. He says im insecure. I think im beautiful but deserve honesty. It frightens me he can lie so easily to my face. I've never snooped until I realized all the lying. He's been saying he's going to get a second job for years. Does he? No. I've been working 2-3 jobs, going to school and finally have a career.

    I can't give in. I think he's addicted . I just want this pain to be over. I watch porn too. I do. I don't waste my life doing it daily. I don't have a precious collection of hundreds of videos. I watch it and I'm done.

    Idk what to do.I just needed to vent my frustrations out.

  • Don't blame it on porn. Lack of motivation, lying, adderall, drinking? His basic character is in question and it would be this way regardless of the porn. These are the things that you have overlooked and compromised on but you are blaming it on porn? Come on. You made a bad mate decision and being unrealistic that he will change. Get over it and move on.

    Comment


    • You are right Rob. Its so glaringly obvious that its embarassing for me. Its a combination of three bad addictive qualities creating this unmotivated man. He's been great in so many ways I cant summarize it. But these addictions have just hurt me so much that I've lost faith. I just never knew until I was invested and in love with who I saw on the day to day basis. He always took the adderall, as prescribed. It wasn't until he had to stop taking it to prepare for testicular cancer surgery that he stopped taking it daily and started these binges. And it just hasn't stopped. I believe it is what fuels the over the top compulsive porn usage.


      Its just excuses. I know. I just need to leave. Its hard. I've tried already but love is a tricky thing. I just can't feel like this anymore.

      Comment


      • Originally posted by ocean.eyes09 View Post
        Its just excuses. I know. I just need to leave. Its hard. I've tried already but love is a tricky thing. I just can't feel like this anymore.

        Why is it hard? I never understood that. This may be the topic for a another thread, but since you mentioned it, I had to ask. I'm not suggesting that is a simple matter and that you can end it in a minute and never feel a thing. However, if it's that bad, it should be doable without much wondering around. Think about a painful tooth that needs to come out. You have to go to the dentist to get it out and know that the procedure is going to hurt. However, you would still do it because the current pain is too much to live with. This relationship is like that. You need to take it to the "dentist".
        By the way, the problem is not the porn. The problem is that he's not a good guy for you.

        Comment

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