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Is my boyfriend cheating?

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  • Is my boyfriend cheating?

    I am 33 and my bf is 47. We have been dating for a couple of months. He is nice to me and he likes my family. I met his fam and he met mines. The problem I have is he dont want me to ask him questions bc he said that is a sign of being insecure. But he asks me questions all the time. Then he says trust is something we must have so I try not to ask him so many questions. When he's around his friends, he will call me from tje bathroom or from inside of his truck. So am I just be insecure or is he cheating?

  • Hi Sasha, welcome to WH.

    We may need a bit more information.

    I always think it's a good thing if you meet family, did he introduce you to them as someone new in his life?

    I see nothing wrong with asking him questions about "now" as you are in his life so you should know what goes on in it, trust to me is about trusting that he is not cheating on you but off course you've just asked us what we think , if he is so do you see yourself as in-secure?

    And, does he work a lot driving the truck? Does he allow you to call him when ever you wish to?
    PUT A LITTLE 'LIKE' IN MY SOUL!

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    • He owns a business so yes he works a lot. I can call him whenever I want but he wont always answer his phone. I dont think im insecure he just says I am bc I ask questions. But now I dont bc I figured if he is cheating he is going to lie about it any way. So im just hoping for the best. If he's not cheating I dont want to run him away bc I really like him. Im kind of going with the flow.

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      • What kind of questions are we talking about here?

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        • Any kind of questions. He doesn't want me to ask him questions at all. He says just trust him.

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          • Originally posted by SashaJones View Post
            Any kind of questions. He doesn't want me to ask him questions at all. He says just trust him.
            When you say any kind of questions, does that mean you can't even ask questions like, how was your day or do you want to hang out together this weekend?
            Freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose - Kris Kristofferson and Fred Foster (sung by Janis Joplin)

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            • Like, he usually tells me where he is going and who he will be with. He doesn't want me to ask him where he was or who he was with after he has already told me. I can ask what he did when he was out with his friends but the answer will be short and quick and after that he doesn't want me to ask him again. What ever he says is the end of the conversation. He just don't like questions. I know it sounds weird.

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              • And after he has told me that he is going out with his friends, I cant call him but he will call me. If I do call, he wont answer the phone.

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                • I'm seeing too many warning flags here. It's not about him cheating. It's about him being super controlling. Not a good sign.
                  Freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose - Kris Kristofferson and Fred Foster (sung by Janis Joplin)

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                  • DreamP346, I see things differently. I see that they've only been going out a couple of months. I see him still doing things on his own (which is his prerogative) and I see her trying to determine a blow-by-blow description of his evening and what he's been doing. Innocent or not, she is probably irritating a 47 yo man that doesn't need nor want to explain his doings.

                    SashaJones, are you engaged, living together, in a committed relationship? What type of relationship do you have with this person, are you just dating? After he goes out does he return to your house, do you share a house together? He has his own business, he probably doesn't have time for phone calls while he is working.

                    He doesn't need someone checking up on him 24/7. I'd say give the guy a break, let him call you from work -- when he can -- if he can't don't call him. At 47 he's allowed to make his own decisions as to when and who he goes out with and if he is with his friends and doesn't want to call in front of them but calls from a more private place -- so be it. Why interrogate him as to why he's calling from the washroom?

                    In the end it won't get you anything but frustrated, more than you already are. You need to find something for you to do when he's out and you both can have your away time from each other free from stress.
                    That which we forget may as well never really happened.

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                    • Claret - The red flags I see are "not allowed" and "What ever he says is the end of the conversation." To me these are controlling behaviors. I can see somebody being irritated if your boy/girl friend called when you specifically told them that you were going out with friends, but dictating what they are allowed to do or not is controlling. Of course, we may not be seeing the whole picture as Sasha really hasn't given us a lot of details, so I could be completely off.

                      Sasha - I think we need to get more information. Is you boyfriend asking you not to ask him questions and or avoiding answering you? Or is he dictating that you are not allowed to ask him questions? Also, when you call him and he does not pick us the phone or call you right back, do you start asking why he didn't pick up the phone?
                      Freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose - Kris Kristofferson and Fred Foster (sung by Janis Joplin)

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                      • While he may be controlling, I'm with Claret.

                        They've only been dating a couple of months, it's not clear if they are even exclusive, and she is already asking if he's cheating.

                        From the limited information given, the picture I see is a 47 year-old independent man who isn't really interested in having to give an accounting of his minute-to-minute activities to his new girlfriend.

                        He has a group of friends whom he has not introduced her to and he isn't interested in interrupting his time with them for answer her "checking-in" phone calls.

                        And he perceives her questions as insecure and paranoid, so has asked her to control her anxiety and stop asking him to deal with it.

                        So while she's stopped asking the questions to him, she's brought her anxiety to the forum for soothing.

                        Sasha, would you agree that you struggle with anxiety? How have your past relationships gone?

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                        • We are a couple. Everyone knows we date. I have met some of his friends. No we dont live together but I spend most nights at his house. I just wanted some opinions about him not wanting me to ask him questions. I know he is older than me so things are very different from past relationships. I know for a fact that we are on the same page when it comes to how we feel about each other. Like I said things are different and I just wanted some help. Thanks for everyones input.

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                          • Dream- He doesn't want me asking him questions about where he has been, who he was with, why didn't he answer his phone when I called...... questions like that. So I have asked why didn't he answer my calls before but now I really dont ask anything like that. For now im trusting him.

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                            • Reverse the situation, how would you feel if for whatever reason you were in the middle of a conversation with someone, and your phone rings, you know who it is, but you can't interrupt the current conversation? Then, he starts in on the questions? What is there NOT to trust?

                              To be perfectly honest I'd expect this type of behaviour (on both sides) to be the normal for teenagers rather than adults. You have no basis to distrust him so why would you even question his faithfulness?
                              That which we forget may as well never really happened.

                              Comment

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