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Is my boyfriend cheating?

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  • I can see both Dream's & Claret's points. I think there's a lot more going on here & I hope you'll tell us a lot more details Sasha. You spend most nights at his house, how many days do you spend together? How is it that you 2 came to be on the same page as to how you feel about each other - tell me about that discussion or whatever it was that brought you to that point.
    Things are different in what way? Specifically?

    Were you asking repeated questions? Were you asking each & every time you did things separately?
    What were his exact words in telling you that he'd rather you not call or ask questions?

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    • Originally posted by SashaJones View Post
      We are a couple. Everyone knows we date. I have met some of his friends. No we dont live together but I spend most nights at his house.
      This does not make you exclusive. Maybe you are, but the fact that you are already questioning his fidelity would indicate that you are not confident that you really are.

      Originally posted by SashaJones View Post
      I just wanted some opinions about him not wanting me to ask him questions.
      I know I'm guessing here, but I'd suspect that the questions go something like this..

      Who was there? Where there any women? Was she pretty? Did you talk to her? Etc. Etc. .... and ends with some kind of argument.

      Originally posted by SashaJones View Post
      ...I know for a fact that we are on the same page when it comes to how we feel about each other.
      If this were true, you'd trust him and you wouldn't be doubting his fidelity.

      You said this relationship is different from your past relationships. How so?

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      • I would never ask if women were there and were they pretty. I didn't say I was jealous. Nor would I ask if he talked to a woman. Its like you are taking what I said and asked in a different direction.
        I simply said he doesn't want me asking him questions. Maybe I am at fault. Thts y I asked for some opinions. I didn't ask to make things more complicated. Do I have trust issue? I obviously do but bc of past relationships. Our relationship is different bc he is the oldest man I have ever dated. I just thought it was weird for him to not want me to ask him questions about when he's away from the house. And of course we spend days together but like I said before he owns a business so he is busy during the day. So weekends are mostly the days the world sees us together.

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        • The main reason y I asked about this is bc he says I cant ask him questions but when it comes to me he can ask what ever he wants and all I need to do is answer.

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          • Claret- the situation has already been reversed. If I dont answer my phone he calls until I do. I have to answer his calls and his questions

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            • Have you tried talking to him about it? Did you ask him why you aren't allowed to question him but he is not only allowed to question you, but you are required to answer his questions?
              Freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose - Kris Kristofferson and Fred Foster (sung by Janis Joplin)

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              • Why are are you with this guy Sasha, trust is a two way street not just one way for him. You have to up front with him answer but he can be vague with you of where he is and what he has been doing. I been looking for a new boy friend life is way to short to put up with type of crap with a guy or a women for that matter.
                When out driving always turn left. Then, should you become lost, you can find your way home by reversing the procedure and always turning right.

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                • Originally posted by SashaJones View Post
                  I would never ask if women were there and were they pretty. I didn't say I was jealous. Nor would I ask if he talked to a woman. Its like you are taking what I said and asked in a different direction.
                  I simply said he doesn't want me asking him questions. Maybe I am at fault. Thts y I asked for some opinions. I didn't ask to make things more complicated. Do I have trust issue? I obviously do but bc of past relationships. Our relationship is different bc he is the oldest man I have ever dated. I just thought it was weird for him to not want me to ask him questions about when he's away from the house. And of course we spend days together but like I said before he owns a business so he is busy during the day. So weekends are mostly the days the world sees us together.
                  Well if this is all true, then he is being very strange. If you can't even ask, what he did and who he saw today, then how are you supposed to get to know him? Maybe that is the point. He doesn't really want you to get to know him.

                  It just sounds very weird.

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                  • I am with him bc I really like him. No relationship is perfect. We have things that need to be worked out and he is worth the work.

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                    • Originally posted by SashaJones View Post
                      I would never ask if women were there and were they pretty. I didn't say I was jealous. Nor would I ask if he talked to a woman. Its like you are taking what I said and asked in a different direction.
                      I simply said he doesn't want me asking him questions. Maybe I am at fault. Thts y I asked for some opinions. I didn't ask to make things more complicated.
                      Originally posted by SashaJones View Post
                      The main reason y I asked about this is bc he says I cant ask him questions but when it comes to me he can ask what ever he wants and all I need to do is answer.
                      Let me answer the question and then, perhaps, you can see why a collection of our most savvy posters took this in a "different direction."

                      His conduct is not only weird, it is completely disrespectful. Assuming that all you were asking is how nice a time he had with his friends, what would compel him to refuse to respond. Couple that with his "rule" that you must always answer his calls and answer his questions and it is clear something else is going on.

                      Either1) your questions are not as innocent as you may think and he is interpreting them as you being jealous and insecure (Claret's view); or (2) he is a very controlling and secretive man who thinks information goes one way (Dream's view).

                      It does not seem to us that the two of you are on the same page. One of the important pieces of information the we or both you and us are lacking is the answer to this question: why are the rules different for me than you?
                      "The only consistent feature of all of your dissatisfying relationships is you." Despair.com "Dysfunction"

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                      • Sasha, if you are taking a little offense to our replies, or wondering why we're answering as we do, please understand, that we really have a small amount of information here from you on which to base our opinions. You're essentially giving us a surface view of a potentially deep. More information, details of other facets of the relationship help us form an overall view of the people involved & the relationship as it stands.

                        Without more details & a better sense of things, it seems more "this" or "that" so those are the answers you're getting. I think with more information we can all provide more thoughts with reasons to back them up.

                        Since I really don't think I have a good idea of your over-all relationship, I will just ask you a question. Wouldn't it be great if a guy welcomed questions, and was eager to share the content of his day/evening away from you?

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                        • I can ask him anything except for when he has been out with his friends. Maybe thats something I have to get use to. Its not worth leaving him .

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                          • I don't think I can handle this

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                            • Originally posted by SashaJones View Post
                              I can ask him anything except for when he has been out with his friends. Maybe thats something I have to get use to. Its not worth leaving him .
                              What is he hiding that is my question Sasha, I would go out with the guy buddies to a bar come home. My wife ask me a basic question how is your evening simple question tell her what happens that's what couples do. I do the same thing when she go's out with her girl friends it's just a normal things couples asked each other it's called communication. Now if your SO is getting bent out of shape because you ask him this then he hiding something what is he really doing I believe more then drinking with his buddies but something else is going on. You know what the answer it was in your open post HE'S CHEATING. Because that's something no one should be getting mad about ever.
                              When out driving always turn left. Then, should you become lost, you can find your way home by reversing the procedure and always turning right.

                              Comment


                              • Originally posted by SashaJones View Post
                                I don't think I can handle this
                                Don't think you can handle what?

                                Comment

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