Women’s Health Interactive Forums

  • If this is your first visit, be sure to check out the FAQ by clicking the link above. You may have to register before you can post: click the register link above to proceed. To start viewing messages, select the forum that you want to visit from the selection below.

Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

My boyfriend loves his brofriends

Collapse
X
Collapse
  • Filter
  • Time
Clear All
new posts

  • My boyfriend loves his brofriends

    I've been dating this guy for almost a month officially. We've been good friends for the past year and we "talked" as they say for a little over a month before dating. Point being, I actually like this guy and as far as i can tell he's planning on staying in a relationship for a while which I am ok with. One strange thing about him though is that he seems to distance me from his friends. He hangs with a large group of guys who have all been together for years. And it's strange because other guys that I've dated or spent any time with have invited me to do at least something with their group. Now, I don't "hang" with one particular group like most people so no, I haven't invited him to hangout with my best friends either. His friends took it upon themselves the other day to introduce themselves and they all seemed to like me so I don't think that's the issue. He is pretty protective of me also. Just a thought. But it kind of bothers me he's with this group nearly everyday but somehow I've never been involved.

  • It could be an insecurity on his part. It could be an issue of trust. It could be a matter of happenstance, or coincidental. It could be lots of things. Have you casually brought it up and told him your thoughts?

    Comment


    • I have not. I will admit they do some pretty "boyish" things like longboard (even though my bf is teaching me) or go to the gym. Which of course would be a little weird since I would probably be the only girl.

      Comment


      • If they're doing things you wouldn't likely be interested in, that's probably your answer. I would just talk to him about it, in a casual, non-confrontational way. He probably just values his "guy time" and likes to keep it separate. His friends approached you, so they know who you are, right? It's probably nothing to be concerned about, but use the opportunity to talk to him about something on your mind like this.

        Comment


        • All groups have a dynamic. When you bring in a new person, it changes things.

          Apparently your boyfriend really likes his crew and the dynamic. It's possible that he's seen what happened when other "outsiders" were brought into the group and didn't like what happened.

          It could also be any of the things atskitty suggested.

          The important thing is that he clearly values this group--at this point probably more than his relationship with you. So whatever his explanation, don't get offended about it and start trying to "correct" his priorities. If you can't be content with it, consider whether this is the guy for you.

          Comment


          • I think personally that 4 weeks together is not a long time whereby his "group" have been around for years and they do boys things like go to the gym together, do recreational sports together as a group of boys so I don't see that as strange.

            Those same guys have introduced themselves to you, that part I think your boyfriend missed the boat. He should have organised "something" whereby you both were together and met up with them somewhere and introduced you but again, it's only been 4 weeks.

            I also get the impression as they introduced themselves to you, that all his mates are single?

            It changes when there are "couples" as you obviously end up doing group dates.

            Boys like to have their boy time, it's normal. You should get together with a group of girls and do things don't rely on a relationship only as your past time or you will feel this way in my opinion.

            I hope the protectiveness is a nice protectiveness and not a possessive one that leaves you home alone all the time waiting for him to come to you.. Because that would then suggest he wants everything his way and is controlling.

            My honest advice is 4 weeks isn't a long time to make any call on anything.. You need time. And, to go and also make new friends and do things yourself as well.
            PUT A LITTLE 'LIKE' IN MY SOUL!

            Comment


            • Thanks everyone for replying I've taken your advice and brought it up to him in a way. I simply asked what his friends did at a free hour in school and what he said pretty much answered my questions. He literally told me his friends talk about waaay inappropriate things at times and are sometimes total idiots lol and yes they are mostly all single high school guys. And yes he is protective of me but not in a possessive way at all. Like he gets afraid bringing me downtown at night and things like that but he doesn't care at all if I go have a party with my girlfriends. So I've pretty much concluded he's just keeping me at sort of a distance to "protect" me (i guess) from his friends. Maybe he's worried they'll hit on me? Maybe they're involved with something bad I don't know?

              Comment


              • This is true

                You are both young, they are "idiots" single and he obviously is protecting his relationship as it's new.

                Don't over analysis things.. They are boys talking about "chicks" yet he has a "relationship".

                Time to not think and enjoy your relationship.
                PUT A LITTLE 'LIKE' IN MY SOUL!

                Comment


                • Originally posted by srobertson15 View Post
                  Thanks everyone for replying I've taken your advice and brought it up to him in a way. I simply asked what his friends did at a free hour in school and what he said pretty much answered my questions. He literally told me his friends talk about waaay inappropriate things at times and are sometimes total idiots lol and yes they are mostly all single high school guys. And yes he is protective of me but not in a possessive way at all. Like he gets afraid bringing me downtown at night and things like that but he doesn't care at all if I go have a party with my girlfriends. So I've pretty much concluded he's just keeping me at sort of a distance to "protect" me (i guess) from his friends. Maybe he's worried they'll hit on me? Maybe they're involved with something bad I don't know?
                  It sounds like you're are thinking about it too deeply. If they are those are his super-tight friends he's probably not worried about them hitting on you. The thing is this, sometimes women see you differently when they see how your friends act, he may just not be ready to show you how he acts around his friends and how they act. Not that they are doing anything wrong, maybe the are just acting like total goofballs and he doesn't think that will go well with you.

                  But just give it time, everybody here is just guessing because we don't know him. Just don't turn it into a major problem. Let it ride for a while.

                  If he is still not letting you around his friends after 3 or 4 months then I'd have more concern.

                  -Lee
                  I'm Lee...

                  Comment


                  • A month really isn't that much time, as others have stated, but you also have to consider how often you see each other and how much time you spend together. If you haven't invited him out with your friend either, can I assume it is not that frequently? It has more to do with how much time you have spent with him then how much time has gone by on the calendar. A month could be only four dates if you see each other once per week as opposed to 15 dates if you see each other every other day. Either way, I would give it another month and see if anything changes.
                    Paul J. Meredith
                    Dating Coach & Author of "Is It Any Wonder You're Single!"r

                    Comment


                    • Again thank you everyone! It's helped so much! I now know most of his close friends and could honestly say something to them when I see them now. Although I still haven't been truly invited to hang out with all of them I feel a lot better having talked to them a few times. They know me, i know them. Time was the biggest factor I suppose. I guess since I've known and been friends with my boyfriend so long I just expected that he'd automatically be comfortable with me around his friends but I was wrong and that's ok and I realize I over think things quite often but I'm not a fan of expressing all of these ideas out loud.. Hence this thread lol

                      Comment

                      Unconfigured Ad Widget

                      Collapse

                      Womens Health orange logoGet The Newsletter

                      Receive our passionately crafted, medically reviewed articles and insights — the stuff nobody else talks about but you want to know — delivered right to your inbox.

                      Latest Posts in Our Forums

                      Collapse

                      Latest Topics in Our Forums

                      Collapse

                      Working...
                      X