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He is stressed and lashes out - what is a reasonable amount of this to tolerate?

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  • stella, coming to the realization for what needs to happen, is most of the battle. Once you reach that decision, you can begin to put into place a plan for exiting the relationship with as little drama and stress as possible. Start thinking about how you want things to go, and then take action accordingly. If you live together, you probably own things together, or have things that you'll be fighting over. Have in mind ahead, what you can compromise on, and what you can't. Is there a lease you've signed jointly? Be looking for housing on your own, if you anticipate that you'll be the one to leave the current residence.
    Set aside a few hundred dollars, at minimum as an additional emergency fund in case you need to get somewhere quickly, if things get ugly or violent.

    Then, take it from there as far as social connections and all the peripheral issues that come with a long term break up. It is overwhelming at first, and you'll have some dark times, but you'll get through.

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    • I agree, atskitty2. I second your post.

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      • Originally posted by atskitty2 View Post
        It is overwhelming at first, and you'll have some dark times, but you'll get through.
        Thanks for the encouragement, just putting one foot in front of the other. The good news is that he will soon be travelling for a few months so with him outside of the country it will be easier for me to get a plan into motion and self-stabilize before he's back around to sucker me back in....

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        • Originally posted by stella5 View Post
          it will be easier for me to get a plan into motion
          do you have friends or co-workers to help you?
          all the best to you

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          • Stella, when he's back around - don't let him come back around!
            You're definitely better off without him, and the sooner you make that clean break, the better off you'll be.

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            • I can understand that, Stella5: when you're with someone it can be hard to break away. But, sometimes, you've got to: for your sanity, self respect, pride, freedom, all that. I just could not live like that. I'd go mental. I do think sometimes caring for someone won't make them change: only they can change themselves, regardless of how understanding their partner. I think he's been treating you like something at the bottom of his shoe. He treats you like crap, basically. You are NEVER crap: I don't mean to swear, but it's true. You deserve RESPECT. It is hard, I know, but you have to look within your soul and find a way to walk away from him.

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