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Did I Cheat?

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  • Did I Cheat?

    I need a woman's opinion on this?

    My girlfriend and I met online and dated for about 8 months. About 4 months in I was trying to cancel my subscription and noticed her profile actively online. I gave her the benefit of the doubt the first time but checked back a week later to see again her profile was online. Fearing that she was searching around, I uploaded a new photo to my profile in the case I would need to join the online dating market again. Anyway after I did this I confronted her about her activity. She denied that she was ever online and wasn't sure how that happened. After that she made her profile inactive - Mine was already inactive. In my mind it was resolved by her doing this.

    Now fast forward 4 months, she said she was trying to deactivate her account and logged back in. She saw this picture that I had uploaded 4 months earlier. My profile was still inactive so I'm not sure how she saw it. Probably because we had a profile connection 8 months earlier. Anyway after seeing this she broke up with me and said I had lied and cheated on her. She said I cheated because I uploaded a photo on a dating website and lied because I didn't tell her about it. I sincerely apologized that I should have confronted her before assuming the worst and uploading the photo. Now she said she has lost all her trust in me and can't take me back.

    She said by me uploading this photo that I was cheating and unfaithful. I need some opinions from others. Do you agree that this is cheating?

    FYI.. I did not contact anyone on the site..

  • #2
    It sounds to me like she was looking for an excuse. It also sounds like all dating account actions after starting a dating relationship should be done with both present. It sounds like you were jumping the gun by uploading a new photo, how long does that take, really? Her logging on 3 times is somewhat shady, too. Still, neither is truly indicative of really cheating. A strong relationship could allow the other partner to talk to other people without worrying if that partner would cheat. Maybe the core of the relationship wasn't that strong.
    I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided, and that is the lamp of experience.
    ...
    Shall we gather strength by irresolution and inaction? Shall we acquire the means of effectual resistance by lying supinely on our backs and hugging the delusive phantom of hope, until our enemies shall have bound us hand and foot?

    From a speech by Patrick Henry on March 23, 1775 at St. John's Church, Richmond, Virginia

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    • #3
      Originally posted by jm5423 View Post
      I need a woman's opinion on this?

      My girlfriend and I met online and dated for about 8 months. Fearing that she was searching around, I uploaded a new photo to my profile in the case I would need to join the online dating market again. Anyway after I did this I confronted her about her activity.
      .
      my guess is that she remembered you "confronting" her as you said above
      since you both met online, and after dating for a couple months, you both could have got online together and deactivated your accounts together in a mutual show of "this is working, let's get rid of our accounts."

      but now this is just a lesson learned perhaps

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      • #4
        Well, as a former online dater, I can tell you, the accuracy of the online notification prompt, is poor. I know that by experience. I saw it myself. I don't know about every site but I can tell you, two of the ones I used, were not always right, whether that was a glitch or was common. That notification cannot be trusted.
        And I also had many hits when my profile had been hidden, deactivated.... It's not a really good system and cannot be relied upon.

        I think the takeaway here, is communication. Better to just ask her or make conversation about where you stand. Just talk about it next time.

        But no, if how you explain it is accurate, I wouldn't consider it cheating.

        Good luck. That's a hard lesson learned.
        Last edited by atskitty2; 04-04-2017, 01:13 AM.

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        • #5
          It seems to me that she "has protested too much" and was probably looking for the perfect time and excuse to break up with you.

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          • #6
            I agree with the others. It doesn't sound like either of you were entirely innocent in the whole dating profile thing, but you'll probably never have any proof and neither will she. It also sounds like this relationship wasn't a healthy one in general.

            I don't think you cheated. But, if someone feels cheated on that's all that really matters. The definition of cheating in that case is irrelevant because she FEELS cheated on regardless.

            My guess is, you're better off that this ended.

            "Be what you're looking for."

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            • #7
              I donīt think this "dating accounts updates" was a reason that broked your relationships. You need to look deeper inside.

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              • #8
                I have to agree with everybody on here. She was most likely looking for an excuse to end the relationship. I don't think she was entirely the innocent party. I don't think you cheated but she does. BUT I do think you're better off without her, to be honest with you. She was that quick to end the relationship. Is that the type of person you'd want a long term relationship with? There must have been a lot of drama that we don't know about. I'd put this one down to experience and move on, to be frank.

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                • #9
                  She was obviously tired of the relationship and needed a reason to break up with you. The best you could do at this point is move on dear.

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