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I found out my best friend's boyfriend is cheating on her. How do I tell her?

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  • I found out my best friend's boyfriend is cheating on her. How do I tell her?

    Any advice on catching the cheater and telling one's friend? I need it so much now. I know it'd probably break her heart, but if I didn't tell her now and she found out about it herself later, she'd hurt more. As her friend, I'd like to help her. So, how to tell her about it please?

  • #2
    Well, how do you know this information? Have you seen it for yourself?

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    • #3
      Originally posted by atskitty2 View Post
      Well, how do you know this information? Have you seen it for yourself?
      Yes, I've seen it myself.

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      • #4
        Are they really in a committed relationship? Have they only been together a short while? Be careful how you approach this because very often it's the messenger that gets put out not the cheater.

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        • #5
          So you've seen him, in person, with another person being affectionate? Not in photos or video which cannot be verified for time and all?

          And you're certain that their relationship is exclusive and not an open relationship in which this sort of thing is permissible?

          If you are certain of this, and certain that you want to get involved, are you prepared for the possibility of losing your friend? Even though you may believe it is the right thing to do, she may not see it as you expect her to.

          And if they end up working through it and stay together, you will likely lose your friend.

          There's a lot to consider here. I recognize that you are trying to do the best and right thing, just be sure to think it through completely before you act.

          I may have more suggestions then.

          Comment


          • #6
            Personally I'd say nothing but make sure I'm there for support when she discovers his cheating for herself.
            You could well be opening a can of worms for your friendship, she may not believe you especially if you have no physical proof to show her.
            Think carefully before you speak out, the truth hurts and she may not thank you for it.

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            • #7
              Maybe you could play it up innocently? For example, if you know that he's going to a party with this other person, maybe you can bring her to it?

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              • #8
                Originally posted by atskitty2 View Post
                So you've seen him, in person, with another person being affectionate? Not in photos or video which cannot be verified for time and all?

                And you're certain that their relationship is exclusive and not an open relationship in which this sort of thing is permissible?

                If you are certain of this, and certain that you want to get involved, are you prepared for the possibility of losing your friend? Even though you may believe it is the right thing to do, she may not see it as you expect her to.

                And if they end up working through it and stay together, you will likely lose your friend.

                There's a lot to consider here. I recognize that you are trying to do the best and right thing, just be sure to think it through completely before you act.

                I may have more suggestions then.
                I found him out myself. Saw him with a minor with my own eyes. I know they're in a mutually exclusive relationship.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Does he know that you saw him?
                  Have you approached him with this?

                  I would start there. Talk to him. Give him a chance to go to her and come clean.
                  If he doesn't, then you have some more choices to make.

                  How long have they been a couple? Their ages?

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by atskitty2 View Post
                    Does he know that you saw him?
                    Have you approached him with this?

                    I would start there. Talk to him. Give him a chance to go to her and come clean.
                    If he doesn't, then you have some more choices to make.

                    How long have they been a couple? Their ages?
                    No, and I don't want to. I don't know that and I don't think I'm in any position to reveal anyone else's private infos, especially not their age.

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                    • #11
                      Originally posted by Naiwen View Post

                      I found him out myself. Saw him with a minor with my own eyes. I know they're in a mutually exclusive relationship.
                      Is the age difference great enough that having sex would be considered rape due to age of consent laws in the location that you are at?
                      I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided, and that is the lamp of experience.
                      ...
                      Shall we gather strength by irresolution and inaction? Shall we acquire the means of effectual resistance by lying supinely on our backs and hugging the delusive phantom of hope, until our enemies shall have bound us hand and foot?

                      From a speech by Patrick Henry on March 23, 1775 at St. John's Church, Richmond, Virginia

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                      • #12
                        Jns, she has already declined to reveal ages.

                        How old are you naiwen?

                        My first piece of advice is to go to the boyfriend.
                        What is your objective here in this situation?

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                        • #13
                          Originally posted by atskitty2 View Post
                          Jns, she has already declined to reveal ages.

                          How old are you naiwen?

                          My first piece of advice is to go to the boyfriend.
                          What is your objective here in this situation?
                          I'm 29 and she's older than me, but the one he's with seemed a little young to be a fully grown adult. I think she might be 15-16. So yeah, if he had sex with her, it could send him to jail. Branding him as a ephebophile.

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                          • #14
                            Leaves us to assume he also is 25+.
                            I presume also that you've met him, know him fairly well since you recognized him from, I assume, some distance, in public, (I assume) being affectionate with a possibly underage girl.
                            And this is in the US?

                            I still recommend first you speak with him. Tell him what you saw, and give him a chance to explain if this was something you've misconstrued or not. If it was, indeed, what you think it was, then explain that if he doesn't confess to your friend, that you will share your observations with her, and she can then make choices for herself.

                            Why are you reluctant to take that route? What is it that you're trying to accomplish here? Are you hoping they break up, or that he's exposed? Making an accusation like this is very serious, and you need to be sure. The cheating is one thing, but to suggest he's involved with someone under age, is a serious thing, and not to be taken lightly.
                            Regardless, it's very likely that, what you want may happen, and a whole lot of what you may not want to happen.

                            It's very difficult for me, with so little information provided, to give a really detailed, thoughtful response. I'd like to help, there just isn't quite enough here to put together a picture of what's really going on.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Originally posted by atskitty2 View Post
                              Leaves us to assume he also is 25+.
                              I presume also that you've met him, know him fairly well since you recognized him from, I assume, some distance, in public, (I assume) being affectionate with a possibly underage girl.
                              And this is in the US?

                              I still recommend first you speak with him. Tell him what you saw, and give him a chance to explain if this was something you've misconstrued or not. If it was, indeed, what you think it was, then explain that if he doesn't confess to your friend, that you will share your observations with her, and she can then make choices for herself.

                              Why are you reluctant to take that route? What is it that you're trying to accomplish here? Are you hoping they break up, or that he's exposed? Making an accusation like this is very serious, and you need to be sure. The cheating is one thing, but to suggest he's involved with someone under age, is a serious thing, and not to be taken lightly.
                              Regardless, it's very likely that, what you want may happen, and a whole lot of what you may not want to happen.

                              It's very difficult for me, with so little information provided, to give a really detailed, thoughtful response. I'd like to help, there just isn't quite enough here to put together a picture of what's really going on.
                              No, in Canada, and here the legal age of consent for anything is 18+. My goal is for her to see what he's doing to her by herself. I'm a little clearer now on what I want to do. Because I don't want to hurt her or her bf, (I've hung out with him a few times, yeah!). I don't want her bf to tell her I've been accusing him and lies about what I saw. But yeah, I gotta get evidence on the other girl's age, before confronting either (my friend or her bf). I don't want to threaten him (as it could cause me trouble with the law)! I want to subtly make her see what I saw. Is there any way I can do this? As in, I'm not the one accusing anyone of anything, but making her see for herself. I don't want to be active, I'd like to stay passive and observe more.

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