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open marriage and cheating

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  • Originally posted by amy40 View Post

    it must be difficult to find a woman in her late 20's to 30's to date who doesn't want kids
    Its difficult to find single woman to date period. The kids thing, I wouldnt mention it till they did, and if its a deal breaker for them, then I guess thats where that particular relationship will end.

    lol, just realized Im now having hypothetical breakups on the internet...oh how funny life has become.

    Comment


    • Originally posted by a_dub View Post

      Its difficult to find single woman to date period.
      I found dating to be easier in other countries, even with some language difficulties, and not particularly difficult.
      I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided, and that is the lamp of experience.
      ...
      Shall we gather strength by irresolution and inaction? Shall we acquire the means of effectual resistance by lying supinely on our backs and hugging the delusive phantom of hope, until our enemies shall have bound us hand and foot?

      From a speech by Patrick Henry on March 23, 1775 at St. John's Church, Richmond, Virginia

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      • Jns, I think everyone I've ever heard comment on experience dating outside the US has said the same.

        Anyone have thoughts on why this is?

        I have read an article or 2 on it over the years, but I am curious your ideas.

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        • Originally posted by atskitty2 View Post
          I guess I had the idea that people opened up marriages after years of trying, and had enough positive things to keep them married, but were seeking to fill some other needs. I knew, of course, that there were polyamorous, etc....but I had no idea it was so prevalent.
          I didn't realise that many are going into it as an open relationship.
          That is actually a sure way to cause more problems in your existing relationship. Open and poly relationships do not work if you are only pursuing them as a solution to a problem in your existing relationship. Meaning, you would not need to go outside if your relationship with your current partner was better. These alternative relationships work when the parties involve want it, not because they need it. I've known many people in them and the people I know have good relationships. Some lasted for years. Some eventually became a 2-person only relationship. This usually happened once kids came into the picture. But they only worked because all parties involved liked the idea and they had very healthy/good communication relationship.

          The problems usually arise when one party wants it and the other is only agreeing because they are being pressured or not fulfilling parts of their relationship, usually sexual.

          Open marriages are way more common than you think.
          Freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose - Kris Kristofferson and Fred Foster (sung by Janis Joplin)

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          • Originally posted by atskitty2 View Post
            Jns, I think everyone I've ever heard comment on experience dating outside the US has said the same.USA

            Anyone have thoughts on why this is?

            I have read an article or 2 on it over the years, but I am curious your ideas.
            Women in foreign countries seem to know what they want in a man and are willing to go the distance to get it. I find that many women in the USA don't know what they want and are unwilling to compromise on what they want (see the contradiction). Further, many are always looking for a better guy instead of going all in. Of course, looking for a long term, stable relationship with someone under 25 is not wise anywhere. It takes people a while to understand themselves. I think the hookup culture causes problems with ordinary dating by putting things out of order.
            I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided, and that is the lamp of experience.
            ...
            Shall we gather strength by irresolution and inaction? Shall we acquire the means of effectual resistance by lying supinely on our backs and hugging the delusive phantom of hope, until our enemies shall have bound us hand and foot?

            From a speech by Patrick Henry on March 23, 1775 at St. John's Church, Richmond, Virginia

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            • Not for me ..... why .... because it's not marriage as I see it.
              As for dating a married person, no it's just not right, no matter the circumstances. If you want to play the field, be single and have all the fun you want/need, no third party gets hurt.

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              • Jns, I also think that's a big reason, and it's been true for me too, though I do think I've recognised that in the past year and I'm working to figure that out.

                I agree about the hookup culture too.

                I read an article awhile back about why my approach wasn't the best. I had understood more about what I don't want in a partner than what I DO want. It changed my thinking. It is focusing on negative rather than positive about a potential partner. I have not forgotten the things I don't necessarily want, but have tried to move that out of the forefront, and look for the things I DO want first.

                I haven't dated much in the past year, but it's really changed my dating approach I think.

                What I see in many others is a tendency to focus on the superficial initially and then come up lacking any real connection, months into the relationship.
                I think that may be one reason why open relationships are considered after awhile.
                Last edited by atskitty2; 12-06-2017, 06:50 AM.

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                • Originally posted by atskitty2 View Post
                  I have not forgotten the things I don't necessarily want, but have tried to move that out of the forefront, and look for the things I DO want first.
                  that is interesting as it seems you are searching for the perfect person to meet your criteria

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                  • I wouldn't get involved in an such a situation. For me, marriage is between two people: the third person is out of the window. It is all of me and no one else. However, I am not judge and jury and other people can do whatever they want. But it is not something I'd do.

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