How do I tell my boyfriend I'm not ready to move in together?

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How do I tell my boyfriend I'm not ready to move in together?

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  • How do I tell my boyfriend I'm not ready to move in together?

    Earlier this year I met a guy in this app called JustDating and we started seeing each other since March. At first it was just few dates here and there since I was still getting over my ex but he was getting too attached too fast. He has always been really nice to me, very respectful and such a gentlemen. He said he loved me and that he could see a future with me and started talking about how nice it would be if we moved in together. I really like him but I haven't even had time to process all this information and I'm not sure if I feel the same way he does. He keeps mentioning things like buying furniture for our future apartment and how he will let me pick the colour of the bedsheets. I feel that if I tell him the truth about my doubts, I'm going to ruin everything. How can I tell him to slow down without pushing him away or hurting his feelings?

  • You sit down with him and have a discussion. Explain how you feel, and what you think about how the relationship is progressing, and what you need to change. If it's helpful, write down a few things before, and keep that in front of you to refer to.

    It's possible that he will be upset by it, but generally what I have found is that these discussions reveal a lot to me about the potential for the relationship. Having a frank discussion and being able to be open and honest is a must, for me. If I can't have a discussion about my needs with someone I'm dating, without them taking it personally, then there isn't much hope for our future.

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    • I agree with atskitty2. Sitting down with him and explaining what you're feeling and that you're simply not ready to move in with him, is key. A successful relationship can only be so when there's honesty, tact and just plain communication. If he respects you, he will understand. You have every right to decide things for yourself. If he doesn't understand, is he the person you'd want to live with? Just tell him you want to take things one day at a time and that you're just not ready to move in with him.

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      • Totally agree with the others. COMMUNICATION. Do not be ashamed or embarrassed about doing the right thing for you. If this guy is Mr. Right, he's not going to ditch you because you don't want to move in before you're ready. If he's Mr. Right Now, he just might. But if he is the latter, wouldn't you rather know now?

        I once dated a guy who pushed me to move at light speed. Within months, he wanted me to stay at his house every night and shortly after began wanting me to give up my apartment and live there completely. I was head over heels for him and he was so adamant about me moving in there and showing my commitment to him by giving up my apartment. Fast forward a few months: I did not give up my apartment. I found out he was cheating on me. I found out he was a pill addict. I found out he was insecure and emotionally abusive. I think he wanted control over me....I think he wanted to know that despite what he was doing behind my back, I'd be there for him no matter what...and I think that's why he wanted me to give up my apartment.

        I'm NOT saying all situations turn out like mine. The moral of the story is, if it doesn't feel right, listen to your gut. It may not be that he's not who he says he is like in my case, but it just may be that he isn't the right person for you or that maybe he IS but you all need this time to grow together and get to know each other without the pressures of living together too soon.

        "Be what you're looking for."

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        • You gotta go at a speed where you are comfortable. If you do this just to make him happy and you aren't sure you want it, he'll grow more feelings and you'll come to resent him more. You'll end up breaking his heart and wasting some time.

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