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  • off limits?

    I met a guy recently that my friend also met last year.
    We have hit it off nicely and i look forward to seeing him again.
    She met him once.

    She mentioned several times that she had known him. I confirmed it was one meeting/date. She seemed bothered that we are getting along well.
    I asked her if it bothered her, she shrugged her shoulders, and just said that it was bound to happen. I said if it had been a relationship, I wouldn't date him, but it was one dinner together...

    Am I wrong?

    If they had a relationship developing then I would steer clear. But it was one date. It wouldn't bug me if she dated someone I'd met already...
    Am I being insensitive?

  • #2
    No, you're not being insensitive. You have every right to get along with him. It was only one date they had: it's not as if they got engaged. You have every right to date him. I realize your friend might be put out but you can't live your life avoiding men you fancy, because your friend once fancied them. Yes, she deserves respect: but so do you. If you're attracted to someone, your friend has no right to say you should not date him. It'll be hard for her at first, but she'll get over it and meet someone special herself.

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    • #3
      I don't think you're wrong. I think as long as you're not doing anything you would be upset if done to you, then you're good. Like you said, if it had been something more serious between them then maybe he'd be off limits. But, one date? Nah. It's hard enough to find good people to date....you can't axe a "qualified candidate" off your list because of something so minor.

      Are you still seeing the other dude?
      "Be what you're looking for."

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      • #4
        That's kinda what I thought BD. Even if I had dated someone for a few weeks, I'd probably not think anything of it if a friend dated them after me. If sex had been involved, that may make it weirder but, clearly that was not the case. She remembers in detail theirkj discussion so, I think she was much g going out more interested than he was.


        Other guy is a goner. Lol

        Interestingly they are both pilots, but very different schedules, very different personalities.

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        • #5
          Misplaced comment
          Last edited by atskitty2; 06-14-2018, 03:52 PM.

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          • #6
            A goner!? Haha. Well, I think it was inevitable with him. Did something happen or did you just finally reach your limit?

            In 2009 I dated a guy for a few months. We didn't work out (We never slept together, by the way). A few months later, I began dating one of his close friends. We hit it off and were together for a year. At the same time, he started dating someone new and she and I became friends (she knew of my past with him) and now they are married with kids and she's one of my closest friends. Life is funny.
            "Be what you're looking for."

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            • #7
              BD, I'm not completely sure what happened with Guy 1. Things were as usual.

              I'd decided to go ahead and get back online and browse the availability, (lol) as I had wanted just to get out more with the nice weather. He had extra flight time booked and had told me his schedule at home for the next month, so I knew he'd not be around much. He told me after that, his summer was more open for activities. I didn't get the impression he was intending to drop me.

              The day after I logged on to the app, and activated my profile, he stopped messaging me.
              Stopped cold. Coincidence? Who knows...
              Not a big deal, as he was flying and I'd often hear from him just once daily while he was on a route.

              After that day, I sent a text, just asking if he was ok. (He'd messaged me so consistently, initiating discussion, that I actually wondered if smth had happened to him) I had not expected it to just drop off like that.
              He texted back, friendly and we chatted awhile, then I've heard nothing more. I'm not going to make a point to text him...

              I met a couple guys tho, and this one guy is fabulous. I haven't told my friend just how well it's going, it's still too early. But, he's really got my interest at a new level, and he seems to be very interested in me.

              He picked me up on his motorcycle last night, and we rode out to a village about 30 minutes from town, we walked and talked, had dinner and then froze our butts off riding back at 11pm.

              At dinner he held my hand and said he's finding that he really likes me a lot, and wants us to go away for a long weekend in late July when his schedule eases up. I told him I'm hesitant to plan that far, as either of us could change our minds about each other by then. It's only been a couple of weeks, after all.

              He acknowledged that, and said he doesn't think that's likely from his side, but understands my thoughts.
              He asked if we can discuss again in a few weeks, in time to plan. I agreed.

              He's a big dorky, nerdy, awkward dude...but so sexy in that way. Ya know? Really good looking but doesn't seem to have a clue. Super smart but not really pushy about anything.

              When he got to my house yesterday, he took off his helmet and asked if he could ask me smth...then he said "can I PLEASE kiss you?"
              I was expecting him to ask for directions to the restroom or if I had a wrench...

              He's got my feathers ruffled for sure. Something was different with him from the beginning, and I am not sure if that's a good or bad thing, but I'm loving the time we are spending.

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              • #8
                Originally posted by atskitty2 View Post

                ...He's got my feathers ruffled for sure. Something was different with him from the beginning, and I am not sure if that's a good or bad thing, but I'm loving the time we are spending.
                That sounds like a good thing! :-))

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                • #9
                  Originally posted by Beautiful Disaster View Post

                  In 2009 I dated a guy for a few months. We didn't work out (We never slept together, by the way). A few months later, I began dating one of his close friends. We hit it off and were together for a year. At the same time, he started dating someone new and she and I became friends (she knew of my past with him) and now they are married with kids and she's one of my closest friends. Life is funny.
                  I did something sort of similar: a number of years ago, I "dated" a woman for several months - actually, we rarely went out, we mostly just had sex, spent some weekends together and every night that her ex or her parents would care for her young son. She was looking to get married, though, and I didn't feel it, so after a while, I introduced her to a good friend of mine, a really nice guy, and before too long they were married! 20-some-odd years later, they still are! And no, I never mentioned to him that she and I had ever even dated. That's her secret, and mine.

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                  • #10
                    I did mention to him that he has met my friend. He seemed awkward. I said I'm not bothered by it, asked if he was. He said no, and remembered who it was only after I shared a pic of her.

                    Maybe I should just have let it go, but things are going well, and I guess we'll all hang out sometime together, so he may as well have known.
                    Last edited by atskitty2; 06-18-2018, 03:29 PM.

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                    • #11
                      I am sure things will work out, atskitty2. As long as he's not a player you're fine. Your friend will understand.

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