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Closing door in your face

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  • Closing door in your face

    Not sure if I should if I am being too sensitive or not I am 51 years old widowed. Been dating a guy for an year and half. For the most part our relationship is fantastic. He has been separated for four years from his wife and trying to get a legal separation and divorce. His ex is a piece of work. Money is very tight for him. I am being patient. Right now he is living with his mother. We went to his cottage for the weekend and I dropped him off he went inside. Just closed the door on my face.. I am totally hurt. He left his glasses in my car so I knocked on his door and gave them to him and he closed the door again. I left. He has called a few times and texted and I haven't returned any of them. Am I being too sensitive?

  • No you are not. I find it very insensitive of him to have done this. Was the idea that the two of you spend the weekend together? If so, and he acted as you say, he's a very mixed up individual. I'd certainly think twice about continuing this relationship unless and until he gets his head screwed on right. He's been separated for four years and still hasn't had it legalized? Check your laws. Here in Canada if you are not living together after one year you are considered legally separated and are eligible to file for divorce. Is there any chance that the cottage suddenly held many good-time memories and he was suddenly overwhelmed? That would be the only excuse that I would accept.

    Please think more of yourself than to be his doormat. Take the reins and you do for yourself first.
    Last edited by Claret; 09-23-2018, 03:58 PM.
    That which we forget may as well never really happened.


    • It's his ex stalling on the separation because her payments will be lowered and there is a bit of a battle with custody of the kids etc. He can't claim his payments to her because they don't have a legal separation. We had to cut our weekend short because his mom had a bunch of chores. He generally treats me well. It's just hurt having that door closed in my face did hurt. After numerous calls I answered the phone. He was worried I didn't make it home. I said I was home and couldn't talk. I didnt want to get too emotional. He is under stress his ex is denying him the kids. Lots of drama from this woman.

      Once I get my head screwed on I will ask him how he would feel if I did it to me.


      • I do believe that as long as they have separate addresses he should be able to claim money for child support. He needs to see a lawyer and soon. If he goes to the lawyer and through the courts they will set the amount of child support and set up times for visitation with his children. Someone is stalling and it may just be him.
        That which we forget may as well never really happened.


        • You're not being too sensitive at all, Needytoo. I would be incredibly hurt myself: what he did was rude and extremely bad mannered. I would hesitate to continue the relationship. He is about as respectful as a door knob. If he can hurt you once like this, he can hurt you again. Getting involved further with him is a bad move. You deserve the best in life and his behaviour will only get worse. I don't know what issues he has, but I'd get out now.


          • I'm largely with Popcorn. For the times you've shared with him maybe you can offer him a chance to explain and make amends. But it better be a good explanation and he has work to do to earn back your trust. Living with his mother is a big red flag for me. Unless he's under 30 or has a psych diagnosis that's not sorted out yet, he's got no business living with mom. That's simple self-respect. Just how it looks to me as a guy.

            Give all your love now. For all we know we might be dead by tomorrow.


            • So, do I understand that you took him home, and he closed the door on you when you dropped him off at his mother's? Does his mother know about you? She either doesn't know, or could it be she's jealous and controlling, and he's Mommies little boy?
              The fact that he's living with Mom AND she calls him home early to do his chores, would be enough to send me running swiftly in the other direction. Add the fact that he's rude and ill-mannered and I have to ask you, what redeeming qualities does this man possess? This seems like an immature, irresponsible, inconsiderate man, amongst other things. You should want better for yourself Hon.


              • I've heard of divorces talking a year but four? wow

                imagine guy you're dating is stressed and needs to get divorced before you two can move forward
                with the wife, kids, his mom, money woes, plus your relationship, he's probably ready to snap
                does he need a better lawyer to get things moving?


                • There is no excuse for what he did to you, Needytoo. What he did was incredibly bad mannered. Again, I would not continue relations with him. You deserve better.


                  • Go with Claret's reply.

                    There is no excuse for disrespectful behavior from an adult.


                    • How has the situation panned out, Needytoo? Did you ditch him and move on? I hope to hear your reply.


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