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Dealing with the elderly

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  • Dealing with the elderly

    This year my plan is to reconnect with old friends and do some volunteer work. This week I will be attending my first meeting a community club. I am looking forward to it. I just want to do things that are going to help people and make me feel good.
    I just got off the phone with one of my husband’s cousin. I don’t know the man at all, but he just put his Mom into a nursing home and asked if I could visit her since he doesn’t live her and is worried about her. My husband’s aunt is very nice but in the 27 years living up here not once did she invite us over but guess in the same not we never invited her as well. She is widowed elderly, and most of her friends have the past, and she most likely wouldn’t know who I am, but at least I could check up on her. This situation could be me in 30 years. (also widowed) It sounds like I could do this, now on to my next question.
    My old high school friends have been contacting me on Facebook more. My hometown is a great place to visit, I am really thinking about visiting them in the summer, but there is a catch. My father and his wife live there. My father has dementia and lots of health issues. My step mother is a narcissist, and every time I see her she does something so cruel that I am screwed up for weeks afterward. I don’t visit very often because of this and they haven’t come to visit us for ten years. I wish I could go back 23 years and tell my father of all the cruel things this woman has done but those days are over. What is the point? If I visit my old high school friends what do I do about my father?

  • I would think you'd might want to visit your father at least one last time since you don't know how much longer he'll be around
    that is also nice you will visit your husband's Aunt, that will be a great reassurance to husband's cousin, so good for you!


    • Pardon my bluntness.....but screw the old wicked step-mother. You are giving her far too much power and she KNOWS it. Your dad is your dad and even though you know he won't be here forever, it will hit you much harder when you realize he's actually gone forever. Dementia is such a scary thing for the person suffering from it, and such a terribly difficult thing to do with for their caretakers. Their caretakers often get very resentful because they are "trapped" in this world of caring for someone who can't remember what they did 10 minutes ago.

      Go visit your dad. Go for him, and let step-mother know she doesn't have the power to break you. The best way to do that is to act completely normal, friendly, etc and literally just place no value on anything she says while you're there. Easier said than done, but definitely doable.
      "Be what you're looking for."


      • I think visiting both would be a good idea. It will be hard visiting your dad, but it shouldn't be eliminated because of his spouse. As for your husband's aunt, it will be good for your husband and his family to see you taking interest in her. Who knows, she may be someone you will like.

        I reconnected with my aunt and my cousins 40 years after last seeing them by flying a thousand miles and visiting for three or four days a number of years ago. It was a great trip and very timely since my aunt died a few years later. Don't wait too much.
        I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided, and that is the lamp of experience.
        Shall we gather strength by irresolution and inaction? Shall we acquire the means of effectual resistance by lying supinely on our backs and hugging the delusive phantom of hope, until our enemies shall have bound us hand and foot?

        From a speech by Patrick Henry on March 23, 1775 at St. John's Church, Richmond, Virginia


        • Thank youeveryone, for the advice. I think I will go. You are right Beautiful Disaster, screw the step witch.


          • I agree 100% with Beautiful Disaster. Just to add: I volunteer with a charity. The charity works to research illness in the elderly. I do basic admin work but it is important work. Anyhow, charities are a great place to volunteer. It does help them that they do not have to pay you. Raising money is a big thing. I may not get paid but I have learnt a lot from working there. I think you will, too.


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