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Engagement, shower and wedding

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  • Engagement, shower and wedding

    An acquaintance's son is getting married. They had a formal engagement party, the type that was catered and we gave a $80 gift. Now I got an invite to the bride's shower that is also a formal event that is registered at an expensive store. I don't really know this women. Only met her on a handful of times and the party is a few hours drive away. Is this normal? I feel like this couple is just setting up situations to require expensive gift giving. Isn't showers only for close family women and more of an informal event. And when did people start registering at expensive stores?
    Freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose - Kris Kristofferson and Fred Foster (sung by Janis Joplin)

  • Didn't BD have a similar thread awhile back?

    I think if you're only loosely acquainted with the family and couple, you've done enough already. I think that this sort of thing is beginning to get out of hand.
    Depending on the cultural make-up and lifestyles of your circle of peers, I could understand expectations being different. But generally, I think it's verging on tactless to constantly have your hand out, so to speak. And it's so trendy to have several parties with gift-giving the theme, with the same guest lists.

    I'd simply not attend the other engagements, if it were me. An acquaintance shouldn't expect more.

    Comment


    • Originally posted by atskitty2 View Post
      Didn't BD have a similar thread awhile back?

      I think if you're only loosely acquainted with the family and couple, you've done enough already. I think that this sort of thing is beginning to get out of hand.
      Depending on the cultural make-up and lifestyles of your circle of peers, I could understand expectations being different. But generally, I think it's verging on tactless to constantly have your hand out, so to speak. And it's so trendy to have several parties with gift-giving the theme, with the same guest lists.

      I'd simply not attend the other engagements, if it were me. An acquaintance shouldn't expect more.
      I did. And most who responded were not familiar with the abundance of showers like I mentioned, but this is exactly it. It is RIDICULOUS. I know people who get so much stuff, they end up selling part of it. Since when did weddings and babies become a revenue earning occurrence? I mean, if you're super close to someone, getting them a small gift when they marry or have a child is fine, but we have all really let this get out of hand.
      "Be what you're looking for."

      Comment


      • What really irritates me is the couples who have lived together for years having showers and expecting gifts of money and goods. Things they obviously don't need. Registration at the high end stores, and obviously not needing half what they registered for.
        Same with wealthier couples having multiple children, and having baby showers for each child.

        I think we have forgotten what the purpose was for these parties.
        or maybe I'm just old, and old fashioned, enough to find it in poor taste.

        I think in our society there is just such comfort and means that we forget how much we have. There's no shame in expecting others to pay for your honeymoon or a new baby crib, even though you have one, and just want a different color. It's sad to me. Everyone thinks it's just that easy to get "stuff", and that's what is important.

        All the babies being born at work...I bought gifts for a few of the first ones. I got 1 thank you note. I think the other 2 women didn't even verbally acknowledge me or my gift. it isn't ok with me. it shows entitlement and a spoiled nature of consumerism that I just hate within our culture.

        rant over.
        and I'm off to the thrift store on that note....lol

        Comment


        • Originally posted by atskitty2 View Post
          What really irritates me is the couples who have lived together for years having showers and expecting gifts of money and goods. Things they obviously don't need. Registration at the high end stores, and obviously not needing half what they registered for.
          I didn't even think of this. Yes, they have lived together for many years. And they both have high paying jobs so not a couple that needs stuff.

          I am considered family, but I've only spoken to her on occasion. The "hi, how's it going," etc. Never a real conversation. What's the deal with inviting everybody to a shower? I know they are having a destination wedding that people can't go to, but they said that about the engagement party so we felt obligated to attend that. But now they are saying the same thing again about the shower. Just because you have a destination wedding that people can attend, that doesn't mean people are obligated to attend every other party you throw.
          Freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose - Kris Kristofferson and Fred Foster (sung by Janis Joplin)

          Comment


          • Just had a thought. I definitely won't attend the party, but I think I still have to send them a wedding gift. Do you think it is tasteless to make a donation on their behalf to a children's organization since they are planning kids soon. I am tired of contributing to their endless greed.
            Freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose - Kris Kristofferson and Fred Foster (sung by Janis Joplin)

            Comment


            • Exxxxxactly atskitty2 . ANd, if you haven't been living together but have been living at home with mom and pops all these years, hopefully you've been able to save enough money to make your own home and not expect your friends and acquaintances to make it for you.

              I mean seriously, if you all could see how many BRAND new sets of this and that I see for sale on the classifieds here from newly married couples, you'd be even more perturbed. Everything, dish sets, comforter sets, bathroom décor, kitchen appliances. etc etc. And ALL because you decided to get married??

              I think this all started back in the old times when most young women didn't work outside of the home and young men and women moved straight from their parents homes into their own. The women in the family would piece some things together, usually hand-me-downs to give to the new couple so they could "make a home" together. The men would piece together some tools and things to give to the young man, etc. That has grown into full on PARTIES that cost hundreds (sometimes thousands) to even throw, not counting the thousands in gifts that people bring.

              DreamP346 - I'm curious why you feel you must give another gift after already giving an $80 one?
              "Be what you're looking for."

              Comment


              • Originally posted by Beautiful Disaster View Post
                DreamP346 - I'm curious why you feel you must give another gift after already giving an $80 one?
                Because the groom is close with my hubby.
                Freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose - Kris Kristofferson and Fred Foster (sung by Janis Joplin)

                Comment


                • Oh, I should point out, this is a women's only shower, so my hubby is not attending. The relationship to this family is through him. I don't know the bride well nor her family.
                  Freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose - Kris Kristofferson and Fred Foster (sung by Janis Joplin)

                  Comment


                  • Originally posted by DreamP346 View Post
                    Because the groom is close with my hubby.
                    just noticed it is a destination wedding, so you may not get invite unless husband is super close to groom

                    looked up about wedding gifts and they are not compulsory, however, it said to focus on your relationship with person getting married and let that guide gift selection (it said not to focus on cost)

                    Comment


                    • Originally posted by amy40 View Post
                      now I don't know about etiquette for that....I think a wedding gift would not be expected for destination wedding if you don't attend, maybe that's why they had engagement party OR will they have a reception for those not going to wedding (have your husband ask)
                      As far as I know, they aren't doing another reception, but with the way these parties are popping up, I don't know. The engagement party was framed as a substitute for those who couldn't go to the wedding.
                      Freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose - Kris Kristofferson and Fred Foster (sung by Janis Joplin)

                      Comment


                      • well, what is your idea of your husband being "close" with the groom?
                        will there also be a bachelor party that he'll be expected to contribute to?
                        please don't tell me they also set up a gofundme account...lol. That really sends me over the edge.

                        I think you've done enough honestly.

                        Comment


                        • Originally posted by atskitty2 View Post
                          well, what is your idea of your husband being "close" with the groom?
                          will there also be a bachelor party that he'll be expected to contribute to?
                          He has been invited but it is too far (need to fly) while the shower is a 3 hour drive away.
                          Freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose - Kris Kristofferson and Fred Foster (sung by Janis Joplin)

                          Comment


                          • Narcissism seems to be alive and well.
                            I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided, and that is the lamp of experience.
                            ...
                            Shall we gather strength by irresolution and inaction? Shall we acquire the means of effectual resistance by lying supinely on our backs and hugging the delusive phantom of hope, until our enemies shall have bound us hand and foot?

                            From a speech by Patrick Henry on March 23, 1775 at St. John's Church, Richmond, Virginia

                            Comment


                            • I agree: you'd be in the right to not go to other engagments, as an acquaintance should not expect more. £80 is enough. As you put it, their endless greed shouldn't be added to. You're not the bride's best friend and she should realize that while you're happy to celebrate with her, you're not going to spend hundreds of dollars for her. It isn't right. Anyhow, that's my penny's worth.

                              Comment

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