Women’s Health Interactive Forums

  • If this is your first visit, be sure to check out the FAQ by clicking the link above. You may have to register before you can post: click the register link above to proceed. To start viewing messages, select the forum that you want to visit from the selection below.

Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

My nasty brother wants to visit me

Collapse
X
Collapse
  • Filter
  • Time
Clear All
new posts

  • Originally posted by amy40 View Post
    chaya, in your first post, you said you haven't seen or talked with him in 8 years
    have you not been back to Hawaii in 8 yrs then?

    if you feel guilty at all about that , you could visit or call him
    Me and my husband went to Hawaii but my brother was visiting my aunt on Maui so I didn't see him then. It seems like he is never around when I call and talk to the family, or could be he is shy about talking to me because of his behavior when I lived at home.

    My sister called me yesterday and said he is staying on Maui with our aunt and has a job as a lifeguard. I tried to call him but never seem to connect, my aunt said he is doing fine and not to worryl. He might go back to school in the fall.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
    Not thinking about anything is Zen. Once you know this, walking, sitting, or lying down, everything you do is Zen.
    ― Bodhidharma

    Comment


    • Originally posted by atskitty2 View Post
      How exactly did you betray him? Or your mom?
      I just feel I let my mother down, she has never asked me for help before and I should have given it without hesitation. I was always close with my mother and my sister. I left them and moved to California rather than face a very unpleasant situation. I should have been more responsible then and wasn't but mother has always stuck by me and defended me.

      Things are back to normal at home, if you can call my arrangement normal. I also feel I am deceiving my mother by not telling her about this arrangement.
      [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
      Not thinking about anything is Zen. Once you know this, walking, sitting, or lying down, everything you do is Zen.
      ― Bodhidharma

      Comment


      • Originally posted by chaya View Post
        Me and my husband went to Hawaii but my brother was visiting my aunt on Maui so I didn't see him then. It seems like he is never around when I call and talk to the family, or could be he is shy about talking to me because of his behavior when I lived at home.

        My sister called me yesterday and said he is staying on Maui with our aunt and has a job as a lifeguard. I tried to call him but never seem to connect, my aunt said he is doing fine and not to worryl. He might go back to school in the fall.
        Hey, Chaya. I have a brother too and sometimes I feel like he is so undependable. But yes, he is my brother and no matter how much I hated what he has done in the past, he is still my brother. Seeing that your brother has got a job now, it's indicated that he is trying to be a better person. I strongly recommend you visit him for a few days in Maui with your husband, eventhough he is not answering your phone. Just build the relationship once more. Maybe in the past he was just trying to seek attention and since nobody was on his side, he became wilder and wilder out of frustration.

        Now that he is trying to be on the right track, you have to encourage him. Don't bring up anything of the past, assure him that everybody made mistakes. And apologize for not letting him stay with you back then. Just be honest that you and your husband have concerns too since you have a family now. Make him understand. And let him know that what he's doing right now is so good, he has to keep doing it. Let him know that everyone in the family will support him as long as he's doing good things and prove he'll be a better person.

        That's how I got back my relationship with my brother. Even though the case is different from yours. And yes, as a sister you have to reclaim the good relationship every family should have. It's a blessing to have family after all.

        Comment


        • Originally posted by chaya View Post

          I just feel I let my mother down, she has never asked me for help before and I should have given it without hesitation. I was always close with my mother and my sister. I left them and moved to California rather than face a very unpleasant situation. I should have been more responsible then and wasn't but mother has always stuck by me and defended me.

          Things are back to normal at home, if you can call my arrangement normal. I also feel I am deceiving my mother by not telling her about this arrangement.
          As for your mother. I don't know if it's the right thing to do or not. But, sometimes you have to keep your own household secret from your parents as every parents have different values. Maybe it's for the best that you keep this arrangement as a secret, at least for now.

          How long do you plan to keep this arrangement in your home? Don't you want to have children someday?

          Comment


          • Chaya, as much as your mother and father were your family when you were growing up, your family now is your daughter, your husband and your girlfriend. Your mother and your father are still family, just not part of the nucleus you have built.
            I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided, and that is the lamp of experience.
            ...
            Shall we gather strength by irresolution and inaction? Shall we acquire the means of effectual resistance by lying supinely on our backs and hugging the delusive phantom of hope, until our enemies shall have bound us hand and foot?

            From a speech by Patrick Henry on March 23, 1775 at St. John's Church, Richmond, Virginia

            Comment


            • You must be very relieved to not have to put up with your brother visiting you for so long. He could have put your child in danger. I think others have summed up what I'd say. At the end of the day, your brother is an adult and must find his own path: his own job and his own place to live. Don't feel guilty for not wanting him to live with you. What goes on in your house is your business and your business only. He just can't be trusted. But there is no danger of him staying over. Next time you're asked, just say it isn't appropriate. You can help him find somewhere else to live. Again, you have nothing to feel guilty about.

              Comment


              • Probably he could rent an apartment for him if he has had a job. Probably you schould help him to find an opportuniry to earn money? What are his hobbies?

                Comment

                Womens Health orange logoGet The Newsletter

                Receive our passionately crafted, medically reviewed articles and insights — the stuff nobody else talks about but you want to know — delivered right to your inbox.

                Latest Posts in Our Forums

                Collapse

                Latest Topics in Our Forums

                Collapse

                Working...
                X