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Relationship with parents as adults

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  • Relationship with parents as adults

    What is your relationship like.

    My father is a selfish male chauvinist who only criticizes everything, even his grandchildren. My step-mother is coldly cordial, and shows no interest or affection for me or my kids. I recently spent some time with them and although it was nice, I was glad it didn't last longer. It's amazing how as grownups with so much experience, you would think we would be better at relationships. Maybe being better was learning to minimizing my time with them.

    I envy people who have close relationships with their parents and actually enjoy talking with them. My mother and I had a relationship like that, but she passed away then I was very young. If she were still alive, I'm sure I would be very close to her right now.
    Freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose - Kris Kristofferson and Fred Foster (sung by Janis Joplin)

  • Originally posted by DreamP346 View Post
    I envy people who have close relationships with their parents and actually enjoy talking with them. My mother and I had a relationship like that, but she passed away then I was very young. If she were still alive, I'm sure I would be very close to her right now.
    Sorry for you loss. That must have been very difficult losing your mother when you were young. Imagine it is very difficult, also, wishing she was here and able to be a grandparent to your kids. Hugs to you.


    • I wish I was closer to my parents. I wish even moreso that I was close with siblings.

      Now this week I may be bringing Mom to stay with me awhile. I will be happy to have her, we will enjoy the time, but I can never really feel comfortable to be myself around my family. That's not a big deal, but for weeks, it will be stressful for me, to watch my behavior and words so as not to offend or upset her. Under different circumstances I wouldn't care, but she needs no added worries.

      Mom doesn't like animals like I do, so she'll be attempting to avoid the dogs. They are going to be intriqued by her visit, and I know that she will be uncomfortable too.
      She's an odd duck, that's about all I can say. Loves her kids and grandchildren and now great grands, but anything else or anyone else, and she's just not a nice person.

      With Dad, we talk occasionally. We never were close either but we talk. He doesn't remember anything 2 minutes ago, so he talks about the same thing and then occasionally throws in a story from 60 yrs ago. It's sad to watch.

      Sorry about losing your mom so young Sp. Not sure I knew that.


      • I have six parents, including my wife's parents and my stepparents. I have good relationships with all of them. When we visit there's never any problems. We've been on a nice vacation with my wife's parents, which I'd have no issue repeating and we regularly vacation with my mother and stepfather - not one conflict in our entire marriage with them. (Our seventh parent, my wife's mother, died a few years ago. We got along great, but she and my wife did have a slightly strained relationship).

        I really value that because so few people have it. A lot of it is just chance, because you can't choose your family. But our siblings have strained relationships with our parents. Blame lies on both sides, from what I see. It makes me sad.

        I've tried to mediate with my siblings and my dad, but at some point I have to leave the stupidity alone for the sake of my own relationships with them and my mental health. Sometimes it just seems like a little basic human decency, respect, and tolerance is all it would take. I don't understand it.
        "Those sowing seed with tears
        Will reap with a joyful shout." - Psalm 126


        • I'm sorry that your relationships with your father and stepmother are not good, Dream. At my parents place, my father was one who meted out punishment and my mother was the nurturer when I was a child. That changed when I went to college and changed even more when I moved several thousand miles away and lived on my own. My father's attitude changed drastically. I believe a lot of it came with him seeing me make it on my own as if he was happy how that was turning out and he was happy that that part of his job was successful.

          We would talk about almost any subject. He's gone now, but I still have long talks with my mom when I go to visit her. Too bad all children don't get to experience such easy conversations.
          I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided, and that is the lamp of experience.
          Shall we gather strength by irresolution and inaction? Shall we acquire the means of effectual resistance by lying supinely on our backs and hugging the delusive phantom of hope, until our enemies shall have bound us hand and foot?

          From a speech by Patrick Henry on March 23, 1775 at St. John's Church, Richmond, Virginia


          • I'm fortunate to have a close relationship with my dad. My mum passed away in early 2014. To be honest, we weren't close. She was a lovely person but I seldom spoke to her. I do miss her, but she lived a troubled life and is better free of it. I get along very well with my sister. My brother and I get along, but we aren't that close, even though we have a long history. Family is important to me, and I keep in contact with them.


            • Definitely! Family is everything,for better or for worst.


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