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My new life

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  • My new life

    Over a month ago I left my husband and moved back home with my parents. My husband had an affair with my best friend. I felt so betrayed, even though I still loved both of them, I couldn't live there any more. Now I am regretting my decision, I have never been so miserable. I get almost no sleep and when I do I dream of them.

    I've had a long time to think it over and now realize it was a mistake but I'm just to proud to admit it to them. I've called my husband 2 times, intending to tell him I wanted to go home but both times I just could say it. I spend almost all my days sitting on the beach staring at the surf. One day I'll just swim out as far as I can and let the sea take me.
    Not thinking about anything is Zen. Once you know this, walking, sitting, or lying down, everything you do is Zen.
    ― Bodhidharma

  • Have your husband make promises to you before you go back. Sometimes going back is the right thing to do even though it is tough. I'll bet your husband will treat you even more like a queen. I am not of the opinion that it is always best to throw away your past and start anew.
    I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided, and that is the lamp of experience.
    Shall we gather strength by irresolution and inaction? Shall we acquire the means of effectual resistance by lying supinely on our backs and hugging the delusive phantom of hope, until our enemies shall have bound us hand and foot?

    From a speech by Patrick Henry on March 23, 1775 at St. John's Church, Richmond, Virginia


    • What a difficult time for you. I can't decide whether you should go back to your husband or move on but follow your heart and don't let pride stop your happiness. jns has made valid points. And I do think we all make mistakes: like your husband's mistake.

      Don't let pride stop you being happy and be brutally honest with yourself.


      • One of my favorite songs is “Love Is Stronger than Pride” by Sade. Just that phrase alone is so powerful. Our scriptures say something similar: “Love...does not look for its own interests...It bears all things...endures all things.” I think about this surpassing aspect of love a lot when I deal with others, especially those closest to me.

        Pride can be healthy, but I think the foremost quality we should have is love.
        "Those sowing seed with tears
        Will reap with a joyful shout." - Psalm 126


        • The thing is, as I see it, you condoned them involved in a sexual manner for a number of years. Then when you weren't involved you drew the line in the sand. They just were continuing with what was natural by then, to them. The line in the sand had been moved - yes - but was it a real surprise? Chaya, it was a very unusual living arrangement, one in which there was certain to be a failure in my opinion. However, the length of time it went on gave me cause to say there were honest feelings there all around. Perhaps those honest feelings can be the basis for new beginnings. As jns said, it not always best to throw away the past, you can learn from it.
          That which we forget may as well never really happened.


          • I love Sade's "Stronger Than Pride", too. Such a wonderful song. Anyhow, I have no advice, but do what you believe in your heart is right.

            Wishing you all the best.


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