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I dont trust Mother

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  • Yes I too am going to have to accept the fact that my sister and I are just not as apreciated as much as our brother by our mother . Also we have to accept that our brother is happy to be sneeky and lie to us in order to benifit. Its new and raw at the moment. We were never meant to find out. My sister and I often wonder how our father would have felt about all this. My sister thinks he would be mortified whereas I think it might have been a decision he and mother made before he died.


    • Try not to take it personally. And try to forgive and enjoy the time left with Mom.
      Protect your interest, but try not to get bitter about it. I think anger is normal, so try to make sure that's not where your focus is.



      • Your brother does sound sneaky, secretkeeper. The fact your mother prefers him - and negates you and your sister - is not right. But your mother is old and used to her way of doing things. Unfortunately, if she wants to give your brother all her money, then that is a problem she has to deal with: there's not much you and your sister can do. Unless your mother was declared unable to manage her finances and someone else took control.

        It is sad for both you and your sister, but there is nothing either of you can do at this stage.


        • So true. There is nothing we can do. We will hide our hurt easily. There is no bitterness to mother. Our eyes are open to our brother and his behavior now. My sister and I are sad that mum has not looked into her own future and considered her own needs that she might in a few years. Its like he is more important than all of us put together which my sister and I find bizarre. ..and I guess we worry that maybe he is somehow maniplulating her. Hes always had a greedy streak. Thanks so much everyone for your input. I love to hear all your different points if view.


          • there are takers and givers in this world

            seems your brother is a taker and I suspect if things were the other way around and your mom wanted to continually give to you and your sister, you'd both probably turn her down since she needs her money

            takers, however, have no problem taking from others even if the giver needs it themselves


            • Your brother certainly sounds like a taker, secretkeeper. Yet there is little you can do. But if there were, you would most certainly have taken action by now.

              I hope things don't get worse and maybe get better for your family. I don't know what else to advise, aside from my previous post.


              • It's true if she had have tried to give us money we would have advised her to keep it for her own future needs. We are givers. My brother is very happy to be a taker....Im happy in my own skin so I need to focus on the fact that I feel good about how I behave. We really had no idea what action we could have taken and so we have taken none. I had no idea if I had a right to feel hurt. Like most of you say here, she has every right to do with her money as she pleases. Now a new bit of information !!! During todays visit with Mum she proudly informs me that my brother has booked two overseas holidays for himself. She tells me he has plenty of money and will enjoy traveling very much. My tongue is now full of huge holes from me biting it during the entire visit. If nothing else I am learning control of my reactions. ????????


                • I would advise taking any money she gives you to build a rainy day fund for her. You can set up an account at the bank that will have her as the beneficiary of the account if you die. It will keep her from giving all of her funds to your brother. Have you looked into the legal responsibilities of your sister as a holder of Power of Attorney for your mother?
                  I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided, and that is the lamp of experience.
                  Shall we gather strength by irresolution and inaction? Shall we acquire the means of effectual resistance by lying supinely on our backs and hugging the delusive phantom of hope, until our enemies shall have bound us hand and foot?

                  From a speech by Patrick Henry on March 23, 1775 at St. John's Church, Richmond, Virginia


                  • She gives me absolutely no money whatsoever. And if my sister and I even suggest taking any sort of responsibility of any aspect of her life/finances she virtually tell us to pull our heads in no matter how carefully we tread. It would almost take a total outsider to do a check on her financial status for her not to get angry at us. She was willing to wipe my sister after the last discussion about where her money might be going. If my sister tries to take control in any way it will cause more stress than the situation we are currently in. Im thinking we need to just keep an eye on her health and let her do what she wants with her finances.If she ends up needing money beyond the value of her home my brother may have to cover it. I will suggest to my sister that she looks into her obligations as the POA but I can see Mum getting furious over any thing we try to do re her money. I dont think we have the emotional strength for more issues.


                    • This sounds terrible, but if your mum does need extra money, your brother would have to pay it: maybe this would teach him something.


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