Women’s Health Interactive Forums

  • If this is your first visit, be sure to check out the FAQ by clicking the link above. You may have to register before you can post: click the register link above to proceed. To start viewing messages, select the forum that you want to visit from the selection below.

Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

My husband is cruel

Collapse
X
Collapse
  • Filter
  • Time
Clear All
new posts

  • My husband is cruel

    Hi Ladies,

    Need advise and supportive friends. My husband is just plain mean to me, not physically but verbally and emotionally. We have not touched each other in over a year. He takes motorcycle trips without me. We never go anywhere together except to buy groceries. He is not the affectionate type at all. I had surgery on my ankle and he would not go with me. He told me it was my daughters place to go with me. That he could not take off work but then about 2 weeks later he took a week off for a motorcycle trip with the guys. He is sharp spoken to me and quick tempered. Everything that goes wrong is my fault. I can't even cook to suite him. I just feel lost, I stay in the bedroom when he is home as much as possible. Talk to me, I really need you now.
    Mustang Sally

    Yorkies are like potato chips, you can't have just one!!!!

  • Honey - no one deserves to be treated like that. Can I ask a question? What has made you stick around if you are so miserable?

    Comment


    • Mustang Sally,

      phew...where do I begin! Look within yourself! You aren't happy! You dont' feel loved! You are not being appreciated, he isn't listening to your pleas for assistance....what do you want us to say that you don't already know. If you have tried everything and he is not responding there are reasons why....sometimes its just cheaper to keep her, if you divorce him or him you he has to pay alimony (in most cases) do you work? How do you feel about your self and your self worth?
      Before I go any further this is what I need to know
      [FONT="Book Antiqua"]Everything I'm not makes me Everything I am[/FONT];)

      Comment


      • I sometimes think that I am over reacting, I am 56 and my health issues are the main reason that I stay. I worked for one company for 18 years but I left the job for health reasons. He agreed to that but now he is complaining wanting me to go back to work. It is hard to find a job at my age and with my health issues. I filed an application for disability but have not received a response yet. I keep thinking that would help if I start getting a check. Thank you for responding, I feel that it is not just me anymore.
        Mustang Sally

        Yorkies are like potato chips, you can't have just one!!!!

        Comment


        • I'm terribly sorry you are going through this. Try and call disability and see if there is a reason you haven't heard anything back. Will that be enough to support yourself and the medical situations? I feel that people who treat others so badly must have more emotional issues than anyone can imagine. I hope that this works out for you, and I hope you find some peace.

          Comment


          • Has he always been inconsiderate or is this a new behavior? Does he have any redeeming qualities at all? Does he ever make you feel loved/appreciated?

            What are the things about him that you love? Is that list as long as the thing about him that hurt you?
            Scars remind us of where we've been...they don't have to dictate where we're going.

            Comment


            • I hope you get your disability. Then you will feel some independance. He is just being mean and selfish. There are internet jobs you can get if you are unable to leave home to work.

              Was he or is he an alcoholic.... why is he playing the blame game?

              Comment


              • if u can afford to now or soon then just leave..was does he need you for? what do u need him for?..sounds like it's time to make yourself happy..your 56 so you've prolly been maried for a few years but it seems the love has gone..when u can financially afford it, leave..it's not just your imagination..i think everyone here can see the problem
                [I]a smart man learns from his mistakes..a wise man learns from the mistakes of others..[/I]

                Comment


                • Originally posted by Mustang Sally View Post
                  Hi Ladies,

                  Need advise and supportive friends. My husband is just plain mean to me, not physically but verbally and emotionally. We have not touched each other in over a year. He takes motorcycle trips without me. We never go anywhere together except to buy groceries. He is not the affectionate type at all. I had surgery on my ankle and he would not go with me. He told me it was my daughters place to go with me. That he could not take off work but then about 2 weeks later he took a week off for a motorcycle trip with the guys. He is sharp spoken to me and quick tempered. Everything that goes wrong is my fault. I can't even cook to suite him. I just feel lost, I stay in the bedroom when he is home as much as possible. Talk to me, I really need you now.

                  Gawd take me back to my marriage will you...

                  You say he said " your daughter"... that suggests that you two haven't been together for umpteen years..

                  Midlife crisis? Or, selfishness - batchelor.

                  Or both.

                  He doesn't like the fact that he has to support .. and.. he has mates that ride motorbikes, he probably goes every weekend for a ride and leaves you at home, not taking time to do anything with you...He hits the road.

                  They have trips that they all go on as a team, and so he will continue doing this.

                  He, won't kiss you because, your just the woman at the home... there is nothing there for him, he wants his bike and his life and doesn't want to be a married man, full stop...

                  I walked on eggshells... When is he going to emotionally be abusive and blow up over something stupid...

                  I also spent every weekend on my own whilst he went on his motorbike, in fact he stated at the end, "you better get used to it, I intend to do this for the rest of my life", to that I went pfttt and left.

                  Don't let him get you to a stage where you forget who you are and your importance and allow this emotional abuse to take you down so far that you hide in your bedroom. I did that too... me and my dogs, for 12 months and kicked him to the lounge... yet listened to him stomping around the house cursing.

                  DoNOT let him forget who you are and your worth.

                  He either needs to share part of his life with you, talk to you about anything that is bugging him, quit being an immature male, or get on his bike..

                  Start working out hobbies you like and start visiting your friends and get out of that house.

                  You need to start to remind yourself who you were before you met him, to get the strength your going to need to stand on your own to feet and say get lost if you have to or get it right and get him back on track.

                  CW
                  PUT A LITTLE 'LIKE' IN MY SOUL!

                  Comment


                  • Ok first of you obviously must not be hurting for money if he can take week long trips with the bike buddies! Its cost a lot to maintain a bike...secondly put yourself in his shoes..would you be treating him this way if he had health issues? No...no you wouldn't, you would do what ever you needed to do to maintain a happy healthy and safe home!

                    You are already stressed enough! I think any way you look at it he is wrong...also who doesn't have sex for a year in a marriage? Who does that? Seriously?! If I was married my husband would be crying date rape! Do you watch family guy? there is a skit where Lois gets into self defense class and one night she takes "advantage" of Peter ....Peter is distraught and in the kitchen saying "last night Lois was the man" lol that would be me! He would wake up tied to something because lil men have a mind of their own with some good attention
                    Have a heart to heart with him, if that doesn't work...look for a work at home job if possible they have customer service positions you can do from home ....stack your money find a good weight program...get your hair done really spoil yourself and concentrate on you. Let him know you are independent...then file !!!!!
                    [FONT="Book Antiqua"]Everything I'm not makes me Everything I am[/FONT];)

                    Comment


                    • Cruelty without bounds..

                      Dear Sally, I cry for you as so often I see my peers without a smile on their face. I fear that someday my hubby and I may be the same. It makes me try harder, but can I be sure being able to try harder when I pass thru menopause...?

                      You have said one thing, Sally, that is most important...you need a friend...actually, you need several friends and begin to think of your own happiness...

                      You must not get a divorce as long as there is no physical abuse. You must accept that he has changed as much as you but in a different way. You cannot fight fire with fire either and so you must change your tactics or you will lose your self-being and go out of your mind...

                      He appears to be dominating and controling so do what you have always done as his wife but use more strategy. For instance, give him the silent treatment. This will eat his heart out. When he finally asks why, just tell him you have no reason to respond to insults... You are a person, Sally, and deserving to be someone, but arguing settles nothing...

                      It matters not if you are not working as you not only worked for his benefit in the past, you also maintained a home, gave birth and maintained his pampering and physical needs also... He doesn't earn enough money to equal all that, so don't forget it...!

                      Living together apart, is quite common in later years, I have read, so create a new life for yourself without aggravating your situation much worse. It appears he has done this for himself ALREADY...

                      I suspect you are dependent upon him now and I just wish you will not rush to a divorce. Try to create something between you without arguing...

                      If says he wants a divorce then it's going to happen so be sure you get a good lawyer that mwill take him to the cleaners...

                      Please, Sally, divorce is wrong, so try to make the marriage work in a different way...

                      I will pray for you Sally...

                      Sandra_does...

                      Comment


                      • Each of you have given me a boost of self worth and assurance. My main problem is that I have been told that I must have both of my knees replaced. Since he is not supportive, my concern is that I will not have transportation to the doctors office after the procedures are done. That will leave me in a bind to have them done one at a time but I am going to do it!!!!! I am going to lose some weight and get on my bike and take off!!!One thing that upsets him is that when I quit my job I pulled my profit share money and paid all my bills off. My car, motorcycle, motorhome, everything I own is paid for. But he is still paying for his truck, bike and the house. But I knew that if I paid his bike off he would just go buy a second bike. He sometimes throws it up to me that my things are paid for and he is still making payments. OH WELL, the H__ _ _ with him!!!!!
                        Mustang Sally

                        Yorkies are like potato chips, you can't have just one!!!!

                        Comment


                        • Sandra you are right, two wrongs don't make it right and I am continuing to get up every morning to make his lunch for work, I clean house, cook supper and keep his laundry done but I do retreat to the bedroom when he gets home. I have 3 Yorkies and we just disappear to the back part of the house. I am going to harden my heart and -have the h_ _ _ with him attitude in order to make some kind of life for myself. If my disability does not come through, (each of you please pray that it does) I will have no choice but to go back to work because he will not give me any spending money but I will be ok, You, Ladies, have given me hope and determination to succeed.

                          At one time he was a loving attentive man, but now he treats a waitress much nicer than he treats me. Last weekend he went out to eat and did not even tell me he was going or ask me to go. So I am going to start slipping money a little at a time so I can get out of this house some.

                          I have gone on sites where I would never receive a response to my post but you ladies are wonderful and I thank you from the bottom of my heart!!!
                          Mustang Sally

                          Yorkies are like potato chips, you can't have just one!!!!

                          Comment


                          • don't harden your heart it will only age you.... instead love yourself more in spite of it all.

                            Comment


                            • Have you asked him what's up?

                              Just curious as to what his explanation may be.

                              Comment

                              Womens Health orange logoGet The Newsletter

                              Receive our passionately crafted, medically reviewed articles and insights — the stuff nobody else talks about but you want to know — delivered right to your inbox.

                              Latest Posts in Our Forums

                              Collapse

                              Latest Topics in Our Forums

                              Collapse

                              Working...
                              X