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My husband is cruel

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  • [quote=Mustang Sally;106690]
    At one time he was a loving attentive man, but now he treats a waitress much nicer than he treats me. Last weekend he went out to eat and did not even tell me he was going or ask me to go.

    quote]

    I've dealt with this before and seen it happen in other's relationships. It's very hurtful, but you have to communicate with him about it. He sounds like he is really POd about something and has withdrawn. If it is about the fact that you paid off your debt, you need to talk about it, make a plan for him to start getting his paid off.

    How long have you been married? Are your children, his?

    Comment


    • Originally posted by Sandra_does View Post
      You must not get a divorce as long as there is no physical abuse.

      I disagree. The scars from the pain of emotional abuse can burn as deep or deeper than physical and don't fade any easier.

      Who would pick a roomate that's a jerk, that is mean and cruel and makes you feel bad about yourself. Why have that roomate forever if you don't want to, if you exhaust all resources trying to make it work. I am not saying run out and divorce. I am saying you shouldnt blindly stay and hurt forever. I am saying roomate because if they are not exhibiting any husband like qualities that is essentially what they are.
      Scars remind us of where we've been...they don't have to dictate where we're going.

      Comment


      • Originally posted by Sandra_does View Post
        You must not get a divorce as long as there is no physical abuse. You must accept that he has changed as much as you but in a different way. You cannot fight fire with fire either and so you must change your tactics or you will lose your self-being and go out of your mind...
        I have to say I disagree. I was in an 18 year marriage that was emotionally abusive. It got to the point that the emotional abuse was making me physically sick. When it got to the point that I spent most of my time in bed because of it I knew it was time to get out.

        I agree that divorce seems rampant these days and it's seems to become the "easy way" out of problems but there is just a point to where enough is enough. You can't make a situation work if only one party is willing to try and from what I've read he seems as though he doesn't care to try.

        But I will say that if the OP hasn't even tried to communicate/talk with him that would be a good place to start - see what he has to say and go from there.
        Last edited by Fallen1; 08-27-2009, 09:52 AM.
        There is a method to my madness ........ I just haven't found it yet.

        Comment


        • Fallen1

          It got to the point that the emotional abuse was making me physically sick. When it got to the point that I spent most of my time in bed because of it I knew it was time to get out.

          But I will say that if the OP hasn't even tried to communicate/talk with him that would be a good place to start - see what he has to say and go from there.
          __________________
          MustangSally, you mention that you used all your monies paying off all your things and he still has to pay off his bike, house etc... and your married.

          I agree totally with Fallen1 and as to the whys, ABUSE IS ABUSE, don't care how anyone else wants to look at it... and should not be tolerated it only gets you to the point of retreating to your bedroom, as you have, as Fallen1 did, as I did and then the inevitiable, leaving... which only a strong women can do.

          In my opinion..

          Back on the finances. I get the impression this is the reason why you have spent a year with no love, maybe when it all started...

          Can, I ask you, as a married couple prior to this and when you worked, did you both contribute to all the bills equally?

          I ask this because I have stated my situation was so simular to yours right down to the motorbike runs.. eggshells, emotional, verbal abuse however, we had seperate bank accounts, (his choice), however, I paid for his motorbike, extentions, renovations, holidays, and he bought me a motorbike helmet, true story lol... And, I have to say as time went on and I realised that I was contributing 10 fold and he never did, not even a dinner, i turned against loving him... I felt betrayed... used... financially...

          I am just curious as to whether you were equal at some point, ( unlike me) and it was only recently you fended for yourself and paid everything off or whether you did this when your relationship was still strong, okay, and you both shared paying for things equally.

          CW
          PUT A LITTLE 'LIKE' IN MY SOUL!

          Comment


          • Hi CW,

            When we first got togther I paid almost everything. I advised him that I was needing help paying the bills because it had become more than my income could handle. He did not care, he went about his business as usual and I started robbing peter to pay paul and it finally caught up with me. I was behind on most of my personal bills. So when I left work I used my profit sharing to pay off all my personal bills so he would not have to pay them. I also gave him some money and I don't know what he did with it. I know that his problem is that now he is doing what I was doing (paying the bills) he don't like it. That is why he is demanding that I go back to work. I have a motorhome and he wants me to sale it and pay off some of his bills. I asked him which ones and his reply was his motorcycle and others. But if I do that we will just go buy another motorcycle and keep the one he has so I told him that if I do he can not go back in debt for another one.. he said "if I am working and want another motorcycle, I will buy it!" So why should I sale my paid for motorhome for him to go in debt for another motorcycle>>>> I now believe he married me because I had a good paying job and he saw dollar signs. I tried to show some kindness to him and he still was snappy and mean. I asked him to go to a family birthday dinner we my yesterday and he refused. I am just at my last thread, and it is breaking~~~~
            Mustang Sally

            Yorkies are like potato chips, you can't have just one!!!!

            Comment


            • Originally posted by Hopeless Dork View Post
              I disagree. The scars from the pain of emotional abuse can burn as deep or deeper than physical and don't fade any easier.
              I've seen this with several of my girlfriends and believe this true.

              Sally: I've very sorry to hear of you having to go through this. Nobody should have to take any kind of abuse, ever! I've no more knowledge than anyone else here about your situation but it sounds to me like maybe there's another woman or sugarmomma somewhere. I don't know but it's what I would suspect if I started getting this kind of stuff from my hubby.

              You really should get some professional advice and though I don't hold much for divorce (I find too many people over here take that easy way out) in this kind of case I think it's justified. Abuse is abuse and even though bruises heel, words and looks from loved ones often never go away so easily.

              All the best to you. **hug**


              Miya
              Do not dwell in the past,
              do not dream of the future,
              concentrate the mind on the present moment.

              -Lord Buddha

              Comment


              • cw well said/she must focus on herself. Your self worth is how you measure your own worth. part of being with someone is enjoying the togetherness u both share. Even apart of having kids together. If he is so focused on his trips away from you, that is basically the first sign he'd rather be spending time away...cough selfish cough I am talking from experience as my marraige is also not physical, though we find time to spend together with family and friends i must say i can relate.
                Most men that are verbally abusive use those words so that you wont fight back but retreat into your room and let them go on their merry way. You must ask yourself is the financial situation holding you there? Can you file for divorce and make it on yor own. Think about it, but most of all you must find your own happiness, its ovious its not with him.

                Comment


                • My husband is similar.

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                  • I think that most the women's husband are cruel.But this cruel is too dangerous for a family.Sometimes this cruel comes to an end of a beautiful family.

                    Comment

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