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Can you help? ADULTS ONLY!

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  • Can you help? ADULTS ONLY!

    My husband and I have been married for nearly two years this may. Our marriage got off to a rocky start and I mean rocky. We always have problems with finances and most of the time if feels like the world is out to get us. We have had two miscarriages and we have seperated three times in the past 6 months. We recently just got back together before Christmas after being seperated for nearly three months. My hubbie was dating some other woman and I was dating another man in that time period. We both broke up with the boyfriend/girlfriend to get back together. He doesn't like talking about her and I have had questions about it. I guess wanting to re-assure myself that I am still better. I don't know. Right now I am having so many thoughts and feelings I can't hold in anymore. How come he hasn't bought me a wedding ring but he can buy his subs for his truck? (we both ditched our wedding rings during the first seperating out of anger) Will I ever get over the resentment I have over him leaving me so many times? When we aren't together he is all I think about. When I look at his picture I break down and cry. When I drive by our favorite resturante I want to escape into a hibernation period for years to come. Now let me draw you a picture of how I use to be. I was very clingy emotionally to him before we ever seperated. I was controlling, *****y, selfish and always wanted things my way or the high way. In the time in which we haven't been together I guess I kinda just let it all go. I don't care about stupid **** as much as I use to. I just don't care about the small stuff anymore. I could care less if he went out with the guys, I don't care if he wants what he wants. All I want is to see that the thingswant in life matter. I want to see that I matter. Sometimes I feel like all he thinks about is himself. In the time that we have been back together it's like he has gotten clingy and I have gotten independent. I seriously want to go off the top of a cliff and scream! I don't know what I am thinking anymore and I think I am going crazy. I am joining a gym for my own personal assurance (ate too much holiday food) ... and I want to feel good for me. I mean I am not too overweight maybe 10-15 pounds but I want to feel good about myself again. We have really decent sex when we do have sex but it's like he always wants to have it when he wants it. I think he just really doesn't care about my thoughts or needs or desires. I love this man and I know he loves me and he is one of the greatest men I have ever met, but I think I am doomed her ladies. Can any of you please help? Being that I have an awful relationship with my mother, I can not talk to her and even if I could she would give me one sided advice. I want it from everyone. If I am doing something wrong tell me. I only want to make things better. Do I have too much time to think on my hands? I mean I work alot but **** I think I think more. Help please! Thanks!

  • Get some professional counseling for you both. Now.

    Comment


    • no but thanks

      Professional help is out of the question. We can't sit down with his mom and talk about our problems let alone some councelor who is just gonna make me cry. Not to mention I have suggested the idea and he doesn't like it. So why waste the money if there is no effort being put into it. You know? Thanks though. Nice to see you thought about it!

      Comment


      • Originally posted by wishinforanswers07 View Post
        Professional help is out of the question. We can't sit down with his mom and talk about our problems let alone some councelor who is just gonna make me cry. Not to mention I have suggested the idea and he doesn't like it. So why waste the money if there is no effort being put into it. You know? Thanks though. Nice to see you thought about it!
        It does not matter if he likes it - it is the thing to do. Otherwise you will live with this situation the rest of your lives.

        Comment


        • yes but it costs money, something in which we dont have to be spending on issues we can work out together. We have good communication I just don't know how to talk to him about the worries and things going on in my head. I don't know how to approach it!

          Comment


          • Originally posted by wishinforanswers07 View Post
            yes but it costs money, something in which we dont have to be spending on issues we can work out together. We have good communication I just don't know how to talk to him about the worries and things going on in my head. I don't know how to approach it!
            A marriage that starts out with a vicious slap and a knife-wielding wife making overt threats is not one with good communication.

            You can get professional help without paying thru the nose if you are financially strapped. Make some inquiries of your pastor or Social Services.

            Comment


            • Ok As I Said Professional Help Out Of The Question. Anyone Else Have Any Ideas?

              Comment


              • Ok here's a exert that I copied from your post.

                We have really decent sex when we do have sex but it's like he always wants to have it when he wants it. I think he just really doesn't care about my thoughts or needs or desires. I love this man and I know he loves me and he is one of the greatest men I have ever met, but I think I am doomed her ladies.

                1. You get sex when he wants it.
                2. He doesn't care about your thoughts or desires
                3. You say you love him and he loves you?
                4. He's one of the greatest men you've ever met???

                Honey if he's one of the greatest men you've met your sex life should be fantastic as well as your love life and he should care about your thoughts and desires. Find someone else honey because counseling is not going to change this man.

                Comment



                • I don't know...reading this...he doesn't seem like much to me.
                  Maybe you're just fixated on him for some reason.

                  Think about why you want him as opposed to anyone else.
                  Exactly what he does good for you.

                  This doesn't look like a marriage...
                  the back and forth, the other people...it just doesn't
                  seem two became one here...it seems there's one here
                  and there's one here...like a white sock and a brown sock.
                  Yeah, they're both socks, but they don't match.

                  Comment


                  • sounds like a relationship not ready/too immature for marriage. if he makes you this frustrated and anxious, it sounds like he is a habit that needs to be broke. there are other fish in the sea, why push a relationship that is as unhealthy is this one? sounds like a divorce waiting to happen.

                    Comment


                    • Sweetie I've seen this happen to my mother: married for 22 years to a man who she convinced herself to like and love. She told me that she's been unhappy ever since my sister was a year old and that was back when they had only been married a year. Now i didnt have much exprience in dating, i guess you could call me lucky bc i am 21 years old and i have the perfect guy who would take a bullet for me. I am not some no nothing teenager, i am a working women who knows what she wants out of life; and that is to be happy. Why are you wasting your time being unhappy? the world will not end if you leave this man! it will just open many new doors. and once you leave this man, do it for good, and stay single and independent for as long as you can because you will be liable to fall into the same type of relationship. this has sadly happened with my mother and it is very upsetting to see, but i've learned to not let it bother me.

                      You need to find the man that calls you beautiful instead of hot, a man who will lock you out of a car just so he can open the door for you, a man that's your best friend, and a man that shows you respect even if you may not show it to him all the time. Trust me there are guys like that out there, i found mine, and once you find him never let him go!

                      Comment



                      • Avery3, I adore your post, esp;

                        stay single and independent for as long as you can because you will be liable to fall into the same type of relationship.

                        Even in 2007 women are rating themselves by the man or men
                        they have in their lives...as if screwing a lawyer makes one
                        a para-legal and screwing a bartender means you are a waitress.

                        Independance, once embraced, is almost impossible to relinquish.
                        To make your own decisions, to do what you want for you, is
                        worth more than a million dollars.

                        Just being able to sit alone and decide what you want for
                        dinner, which station on television YOU want to watch, if
                        you feel like going on or staying in.

                        All About You.

                        A Universe of I.

                        To meet a man and to allow him to exist concurrent with
                        your Universe of I, so that it is two people, two strong
                        independent people making a coalition...not a conquest,
                        not an adoption, but an alliance....

                        That is marriage.

                        Comment


                        • Hmmm if you love the guy then I would suggest trying other avenues. Give us an update. Dying to know!
                          Miracles Happen

                          Comment


                          • I agree Think of yourself and your kids

                            Comment


                            • i think it's hard to be honest to oneself especially if something hurts too much, we just stop thinking rational. So my advise is to take some real distance. Another man is not the solution (not yet). You first have to figure out what is going on in this relationship. this can take a long time, a couple of months or a year. but after having worked the relationship up, you know yourself better, himself too and whats most important you know what to do. Maybe after that time you two try again, or maybe you're not. life is too short to be unhappy. do something! (sorry for the grammar, english is my second language)

                              Comment

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