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is my husband watchin porn a bad thing?

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  • Love of God, just leave your men alone to watch porn! I'm guna ave to be really frank ere. They want a sexual experience in which you are not involved. Porn is not a substitute for a good sex life or anythin like that - it's a substitute for sleepin with different women whenever they feel like it.

    We've seen an example before when Bekrah (I think it was) stopped her fiance watchin porn and he stepped it up a gear with online sex chatrooms. You wonder what the next step will be after you've put a stop to that AND porn?

    Seriously, porn is a Godsend for women. It keeps men faithful. Like a jealous lover, the more you try and control them and stop them enjoyin themselves, the worse you make the situation.

    Note also, how the women here who have no problem with porn also have no problem gettin their bfs to watch it with them. Those who have a problem with porn - their bfs will not watch it with them! That's because your insecurity and attitude towards it sucks the fun out of it. It's like instead of havin a threesome, you're havin sex with a stranger and your wife is sat there watchin you... It's weird and unenjoyable.

    Leave your fellas to have some private time and enjoy their private fantasies. You're not involved in it only because of your attitude to it. Let go. Allow them to have some piece of their life and fantasy in which you're not involved. Stop competing with the porn like it's a love rival.

    Comment


    • Originally posted by FeministBen View Post
      They want a sexual experience in which you are not involved. Porn is not a substitute for a good sex life or anythin like that - it's a substitute for sleepin with different women whenever they feel like it.
      Excuse me, but let's just assume that I also need a substitute of a sexual experience where my man is not involved in. I am talking about something mind-blowing here, things that my man would never do. Nothing I'd get from porn, but I want it anyway. Am I supposed to let him have his enjoyment while I sit there and shut up? I don't see why men should have it all the easy way and we're supposed to think like mothers: let the children play...

      If they want sexual variation they might as as well live single and experiment with other girls until they are ready to actually commit to one. Because in the meantime, we are the ones who wash their underwear while they want their own "sex time".

      Originally posted by FeministBen View Post
      We've seen an example before when Bekrah (I think it was) stopped her fiance watchin porn and he stepped it up a gear with online sex chatrooms. You wonder what the next step will be after you've put a stop to that AND porn?
      ... cheating? So you're saying that if men won't ejaculate to fantasies by themselves they are going to go crazy and have sex with the first available woman they meet, even if they're sexually happy with their partner? I think you underestimate men's intelligence here. They are not dogs... and not all men do it. Sorry...

      Originally posted by FeministBen View Post
      Those who have a problem with porn - their bfs will not watch it with them! That's because your insecurity and attitude towards it sucks the fun out of it.
      Excuse me, again, but many women suggest to watch porn with their SO and their SO decline it. It has nothing to do with those women's "insecurities" or "attitude". It only shows that these men feel guilty about it.

      Originally posted by FeministBen View Post
      Leave your fellas to have some private time and enjoy their private fantasies. You're not involved in it only because of your attitude to it. Let go. Allow them to have some piece of their life and fantasy in which you're not involved. Stop competing with the porn like it's a love rival.
      In other words: Girls, feed them, bring them money, have their children, wash their clothes, give them hugs, support them, do whatever they ask you to do sexually, and when they want to shut you out, please let them do so, otherwise they'll cheat on you!

      Comment


      • Originally posted by stressed View Post
        Excuse me, but let's just assume that I also need a substitute of a sexual experience where my man is not involved in. I am talking about something mind-blowing here, things that my man would never do. Nothing I'd get from porn, but I want it anyway. Am I supposed to let him have his enjoyment while I sit there and shut up? I don't see why men should have it all the easy way and we're supposed to think like mothers: let the children play...
        I don't understand what you're proposing here, you want sex with another man? I think there's a clear line between watchin porn and hookin up with someone else, if so.

        If they want sexual variation they might as as well live single and experiment with other girls until they are ready to actually commit to one. Because in the meantime, we are the ones who wash their underwear while they want their own "sex time".

        ...

        ... cheating? So you're saying that if men won't ejaculate to fantasies by themselves they are going to go crazy and have sex with the first available woman they meet, even if they're sexually happy with their partner? I think you underestimate men's intelligence here. They are not dogs... and not all men do it. Sorry...
        Men's sexuality is, obviously, different to that of women. At certain points in their life, men will want to sleep with lots of different women. They can of course control their behaviour but they can't control their what desire and want deep down. It's got to come out in their behaviour in some way, even if it's just them bein irritable and distant.


        Excuse me, again, but many women suggest to watch porn with their SO and their SO decline it. It has nothing to do with those women's "insecurities" or "attitude". It only shows that these men feel guilty about it.
        They feel guilty because of their woman's insecurity-driven attitude towards it. I am absolutely certain of this point. The women who do not have these issues do not find this 'guilty' response from their men, who seem very keen to share porn with their birds. I am very keen, for one. Wouldn't be if it meant I was guna have someone askin if I thought the girl in the stockings is prettier than her or how she'd never do such and such because it's degrading. Nope, that doesn't sound like fun.


        In other words: Girls, feed them, bring them money, have their children, wash their clothes, give them hugs, support them, do whatever they ask you to do sexually, and when they want to shut you out, please let them do so, otherwise they'll cheat on you!

        Well, traditionally men were the breadwinners so I think that did ease the blow. All I'm sayin is expect boys to be boys and don't be too surprised if your attempts at changin them at all costs, rather than accept this pastime that the vast majority will time and time again indulge in, don't be surprised if it ends up a lot worse than just porn.

        Comment


        • Originally posted by FeministBen View Post
          I don't understand what you're proposing here, you want sex with another man? I think there's a clear line between watchin porn and hookin up with someone else, if so.
          I'm proposing the same thing you do: "it's a substitute for sleepin with different women whenever they feel like it", to which I am saying: let's assume that I also want to sleep with different men when I feel like it but porn just doesn't satisfy me because it's one thing to use a vibrator and another a 'real thing'. What am I supposed to do in that case? (I'm clearly speaking hypothetically here).

          Originally posted by FeministBen View Post
          Men's sexuality is, obviously, different to that of women. At certain points in their life, men will want to sleep with lots of different women. They can of course control their behaviour but they can't control their what desire and want deep down. It's got to come out in their behaviour in some way, even if it's just them bein irritable and distant.
          I recently read a university study that found "cheating is in women's blood; there are more chances for a woman to cheat in a relationship than a man". I don't see why men's sexuality has to go first, women don't want sex any less than men do. In fact, women reach their sexual peak when they turn 40. I don't see how you got the "men want to sleep with lots of different women" point of view. Do elaborate. Unless it's about the "evolution" argument, which has been proven wrong in other threads.

          Originally posted by FeministBen View Post
          They feel guilty because of their woman's insecurity-driven attitude towards it. I am absolutely certain of this point. The women who do not have these issues do not find this 'guilty' response from their men, who seem very keen to share porn with their birds. I am very keen, for one. Wouldn't be if it meant I was guna have someone askin if I thought the girl in the stockings is prettier than her or how she'd never do such and such because it's degrading. Nope, that doesn't sound like fun.
          You're absolutely sure. Well, to prove you wrong for once, I've always been suggesting porn to my SO, I knew he was watching it when our relationship was long distance. We exchanged clips. I was alright with it. I watched too. As soon as I moved in he would only watch porn by himself and say he just doesn't feel comfortable watching it with me. I was very keen as well, so I don't see why him not wanting to watch with me should be considered my fault in any possible way.

          Originally posted by FeministBen View Post
          Well, traditionally men were the breadwinners so I think that did ease the blow. All I'm sayin is expect boys to be boys and don't be too surprised if your attempts at changin them at all costs, rather than accept this pastime that the vast majority will time and time again indulge in, don't be surprised if it ends up a lot worse than just porn.
          But that's the thing: it's only 'traditionally' that men are the sole breadwinners today. Reality has changed drastically. Instead of just "accepting" certain social standards of our time we must actually work to improve this world into being more equal. There used to be a time when people thought that women did not receive any kind of pleasure from sex and that it was only men who enjoyed it. If we would have "accepted" that view then the world would have been much worse towards women today.

          Comment


          • Originally posted by stressed View Post
            I'm proposing the same thing you do: "it's a substitute for sleepin with different women whenever they feel like it", to which I am saying: let's assume that I also want to sleep with different men when I feel like it but porn just doesn't satisfy me because it's one thing to use a vibrator and another a 'real thing'. What am I supposed to do in that case? (I'm clearly speaking hypothetically here).
            If the only thing that satisfies you is sex with another man? I don't know, what would you do? Seems to me you'd either cheat or feel unsatisfied in your relationship. Seems a hopeless business!

            I recently read a university study that found "cheating is in women's blood; there are more chances for a woman to cheat in a relationship than a man". I don't see why men's sexuality has to go first, women don't want sex any less than men do. In fact, women reach their sexual peak when they turn 40. I don't see how you got the "men want to sleep with lots of different women" point of view. Do elaborate. Unless it's about the "evolution" argument, which has been proven wrong in other threads.
            Firstly, I agree women are equally if not more likely to cheat than men. I'm not putting men's sexuality before women. Just as if a relationship for women did not meet certain criteria, women might be more likely to cheat, the same applies to men.

            I do believe men have an underlying desire to have sex with a wide array of women, however, moreso than women. Sleeping with lots of women is viewed as an achievement for a man, it's a deep-seated confirmation of masculinity. Their own worth is confirmed by many women choosing to sleep with them.
            Evolutionary speaking, there is certain an argument to be made that there are more benifits for a man to sleep with lots of women - there is less investment and more probability of fathering many children. A women who sleeps around still only mothers one child as a result and risks losing a provider for her and the child if she's caught.
            Now I'm sure there's plenty counter-arguments, you can argue and counter-argue near enough any point but looking at it even empirically, men love to put it about. Ask any man who isn't hedging his bets on sleeping with you or someone near to you - it's in our nature to desire sex with lots of different women.


            You're absolutely sure. Well, to prove you wrong for once, I've always been suggesting porn to my SO, I knew he was watching it when our relationship was long distance. We exchanged clips. I was alright with it. I watched too. As soon as I moved in he would only watch porn by himself and say he just doesn't feel comfortable watching it with me. I was very keen as well, so I don't see why him not wanting to watch with me should be considered my fault in any possible way.
            Eh, well I'm not sure how that proves me wrong. You've not proved to me you're one of those women that don't think porn is a big deal and have a very negative attitude towards it and their SOs watchin it. Tbh, your various posts have convinced me of the opposite. I don't want to get personal but in all honesty, considerin your views and attitude towards the pastime I can understand why he wouldn't be overly keen to embark on that particular hobby with you.


            But that's the thing: it's only 'traditionally' that men are the sole breadwinners today. Reality has changed drastically. Instead of just "accepting" certain social standards of our time we must actually work to improve this world into being more equal. There used to be a time when people thought that women did not receive any kind of pleasure from sex and that it was only men who enjoyed it. If we would have "accepted" that view then the world would have been much worse towards women today.
            This is actually a separate issue I feel but it's not as simple as that. Equality is a nice idea but as people we're not all equal. We have different strengths and weaknesses, different values and beliefs, different aspirations and goals and equality doesn't work if you ignore everyone's differences and try to force us all to be the same way. We alter our expectations of individuals depending on things like gender, their character, their wishes and abilities.

            There are things my girlfriend might do I definitely could not tolerate. If she continued to want to do these things and I continued to want her to stop, we would be at constant conflict. With each other and with our own desires.

            On the other hand, there are things I'd PREFER not to tolerate but do because I am willing to compromise over them as they are not quite as important as things that might create the above situation.

            What you've got to decide is 'how important is this to you?' Is it more important than your relationship? What box are you going to put this behaviour in and what outcome are you willing to choose?

            Comment


            • Ask any man who isn't hedging his bets on sleeping with you or someone near to you - it's in our nature to desire sex with lots of different women.
              I am sure there are plenty of men who think it is icky to be shrouded with STDs due to high promiscuity, are turned off by the idea of child support payments on kids from mothers they do not remember, those who do not enjoy the idea of several partners due to religious opinions, those who are just not entertained by the idea of frequent partners when they could find the single woman that satisfies everything they have every wanted and therefore are not interested in looking for more, those who simply do not approve of the numbers game, the list could go on and on. Balling men into one convenient lump that you personally may just to happen to fall into is not the best way to go.
              There are those who believe that dictionaries should not merely reflect the times but also protect English from the mindless assaults of the trendy.

              Comment


              • It is a generalisation but I believe true nonetheless, if we're trying to define a standard 'male' sexuality, which we are. The first two points turn me off considerably - but not enough not to do it.

                It's written into the way we think. The way I phrased that particular excerpt was not accidental. Think about it.

                Comment


                • It is a generalisation but I believe true nonetheless, if we're trying to define a standard 'male' sexuality, which we are. The first two points turn me off considerably - but not enough not to do it.

                  It's written into the way we think. The way I phrased that particular excerpt was not accidental. Think about it.
                  Oh I am well aware of your intention in the post, I understand your rational for using the words you used and I know that you have your right to have that opinion of vast generalization because of what you may truly believe. But I am just saying you should take into account the exceptions that do not fit your said 'norm'.
                  There are those who believe that dictionaries should not merely reflect the times but also protect English from the mindless assaults of the trendy.

                  Comment


                  • Originally posted by ItsASecret View Post
                    Oh I am well aware of your intention in the post, I understand your rational for using the words you used and I know that you have your right to have that opinion of vast generalization because of what you may truly believe. But I am just saying you should take into account the exceptions that do not fit your said 'norm'.
                    I'm not denying they exist and I'm glad they do. It would be very boring indeed if we were all the same.

                    Comment


                    • Its posts like feminist ben's that make me want to give up on men, and start collecting cats... but then read ones like ocularone's posts and I feel that there are men out there that can love AND be sexually interested in one woman.
                      Scars remind us of where we've been...they don't have to dictate where we're going.

                      Comment


                      • Its posts like feminist ben's that make me want to give up on men, and start collecting cats... but then read ones like ocularone's posts and I feel that there are men out there that can love AND be sexually interested in one woman.
                        100% agree.
                        There are those who believe that dictionaries should not merely reflect the times but also protect English from the mindless assaults of the trendy.

                        Comment


                        • Hahaha, I wonder at how genuine posts such as Ocularone's are. It's the sort of thing some of my mates say when they're out on the pull. Then say very different things when regailing me with the details the following day.

                          Comment


                          • Originally posted by FeministBen View Post
                            I do believe men have an underlying desire to have sex with a wide array of women, however, moreso than women. Sleeping with lots of women is viewed as an achievement for a man, it's a deep-seated confirmation of masculinity. Their own worth is confirmed by many women choosing to sleep with them.
                            Evolutionary speaking, there is certain an argument to be made that there are more benifits for a man to sleep with lots of women - there is less investment and more probability of fathering many children. A women who sleeps around still only mothers one child as a result and risks losing a provider for her and the child if she's caught.
                            Now I'm sure there's plenty counter-arguments, you can argue and counter-argue near enough any point but looking at it even empirically, men love to put it about. Ask any man who isn't hedging his bets on sleeping with you or someone near to you - it's in our nature to desire sex with lots of different women.
                            Whenever "evolution" comes into the picture I just can't bother reading the rest of the paragraph. I'm sorry...

                            Originally posted by FeministBen View Post

                            Eh, well I'm not sure how that proves me wrong. You've not proved to me you're one of those women that don't think porn is a big deal and have a very negative attitude towards it and their SOs watchin it. Tbh, your various posts have convinced me of the opposite. I don't want to get personal but in all honesty, considerin your views and attitude towards the pastime I can understand why he wouldn't be overly keen to embark on that particular hobby with you.
                            I don't need to prove that to you, I'm telling you how it is and how it was. I don't talk about porn today the way I do just because I woke up one day and thought "porn? that's devil's work!". Maybe you have to think of the reasons why they led me into talking about it in the way I do before you judge me as an anti-porn person.

                            Originally posted by FeministBen View Post
                            This is actually a separate issue I feel but it's not as simple as that. Equality is a nice idea but as people we're not all equal. We have different strengths and weaknesses, different values and beliefs, different aspirations and goals and equality doesn't work if you ignore everyone's differences and try to force us all to be the same way. We alter our expectations of individuals depending on things like gender, their character, their wishes and abilities.
                            That reminds me: All animals are equal, but some animals are more equal than others...

                            Originally posted by FeministBen View Post
                            What you've got to decide is 'how important is this to you?' Is it more important than your relationship? What box are you going to put this behaviour in and what outcome are you willing to choose?
                            This is said in a better way than advising women to let their men do whatever they can because "it's their nature".
                            You know, within certain religions men are allowed to have more than one wives because they do believe that men just cannot be with one woman and women are not equal to men. Just mentioning it...

                            Originally posted by FeministBen View Post
                            Hahaha, I wonder at how genuine posts such as Ocularone's are. It's the sort of thing some of my mates say when they're out on the pull. Then say very different things when regailing me with the details the following day.
                            Perhaps you should be a little bit more open minded when it comes to other people's views and accept that there are people who like or believe the complete opposite of what you do. It's your attitude of "this is how things are, accept them or leave them" that made me answer you in the tone I did, not your views.

                            Comment


                            • Originally posted by stressed View Post
                              Whenever "evolution" comes into the picture I just can't bother reading the rest of the paragraph. I'm sorry...


                              I don't need to prove that to you, I'm telling you how it is and how it was. I don't talk about porn today the way I do just because I woke up one day and thought "porn? that's devil's work!". Maybe you have to think of the reasons why they led me into talking about it in the way I do before you judge me as an anti-porn person.
                              Well, the only reason I spoke of evolution, the issue of prooving me wrong and your 'anti-porn' stance was because you brought them into the conversation. But I'm happy to leave them, I'm not demanding anything from you, I just like lively debate.

                              This is said in a better way than advising women to let their men do whatever they can because "it's their nature".
                              You know, within certain religions men are allowed to have more than one wives because they do believe that men just cannot be with one woman and women are not equal to men. Just mentioning it...
                              I agree that people have the abilities to rise above their innate nature. But we both know it's not as simple as that.

                              In regards the actual question though, I think I recall you mentioning some issues with your SO and porn yourself. How important do you feel an issue it is within a relationship? Is it something you can accept for the good of the relationship or will it always be an issue between you?

                              You don't need to answer, I'm just trying to get a feel for where you're comin from.

                              Perhaps you should be a little bit more open minded when it comes to other people's views and accept that there are people who like or believe the complete opposite of what you do. It's your attitude of "this is how things are, accept them or leave them" that made me answer you in the tone I did, not your views.
                              In case I've not been clear enough, I do accept I could be totally wrong in all my assertions, no matter how certain I might be of them. And as for matters of personal taste or opinion, everyone is completely entitled to their stance.

                              I just think the issue seems to be causing a lot of mess within relationships. One side has to give or they will always be at conflict with each other. If so many women are having trouble getting their men to WANT to change, the next logical step would be to change themselves rather than continue screaming at a wall.

                              Comment


                              • Originally posted by FeministBen View Post
                                I just think the issue seems to be causing a lot of mess within relationships.
                                Exactly. This should be reason enough to leave it out of a relationship.
                                There is a method to my madness ........ I just haven't found it yet.

                                Comment

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