Women’s Health Interactive Forums

  • If this is your first visit, be sure to check out the FAQ by clicking the link above. You may have to register before you can post: click the register link above to proceed. To start viewing messages, select the forum that you want to visit from the selection below.

Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

I should have known..I should have left long time ago

Collapse
X
Collapse
  • Filter
  • Time
Clear All
new posts

  • I should have known..I should have left long time ago

    Where do I start. I have been married since 1991. 2 kids 15 and 10. even when we first got married my husband always was partying with neighbor and never home. even when I was pregnant. I tried leaving several times , packed the kids up and was going to go to my sisiters. NEVER did I always turned around. My husband since than has always been on the computer 24/7. Back in 1998 I left him to go back to Mass. we were living in NM. He never forgave me. When I came back after 3 months he started shoving and hitting me..I never called the police but tried to get his parents to help but that was no good!

    Eventually one night he was talking to women on the computer and I got mad and thats when he really hurt me. I have been locked out etc..He even ripped the phone off the wall. I called from a pay phone and the police arrested him. Well we went to court, and when I was leaving he was so sad and said how much he loved me and wanted me back. I took him back.

    Now lets forward to NOW: For the last few months I KNEW something was up. My daughter and I heard him say "HONEY" to someone on the computer. Than a few times I would find a washcloth under his computer desk,,You figure it out.

    How could I be so BLIND???? Last night I went to check on my ebay and I noticed he left his mail open... Well I found it! Love emails between him and some lady. They play world of warcraft together.

    I confronted him and he blames it all on me!!!!
    This man when I was pregnant with my daughter would not even get out of bed to take me to the ER because I was having terrible pains. (he had hurt his eye earlier that day at work. ) So I was left taking care of it my self.

    When our family drove out to NM to live from MASS. I got lost driving and when he woke up he called me A DUMB F.....*****.


    There are so many other storys I could tell. I am all alone out here and don't know what to do now. He says he stays on the computer because of me. I say my kids are just as negelected by him so how can it be me???

    He plays mind games with me to make me feel like NOTHING. I have not worked in a long time and supporting my family without him will be so hard.... I told him last night to leave but he is scaring me with all the things he says. He has never spent time with either of the kids ever...I can't go in my bedroom at night until he comes and gets me. Thats because he is done playing on the computer. Even in the past when I was sick and asked to go to bed he would yell and say Gee can't I listen to my music and so on.

    God forbid if I let the dogs out before I make his coffee. He will say I care more about them.
    I have been told hundreds of times since I don't work he does NOT have to help me in any way.

    After I had my daughter he made it clear he WOULD NOT GET up any night to help with her since he worked.

    My husband has gone thru ssooooooo many jobs. We have been on unemployment at times. Since 1998 I sell at the flea market every sat. and do really good BUT he doesn't consider that a job at all

    His hygeine is bad too! smokes like crazy.. My daughters doctor told me to tell him the smoke was bad for my kids and to smoke outside..He sure didn't

    I very sad today..What am I going to do??? I am SCARED.

    Wow,, now I see how how other women are! they will steal your man...without even meeting them!!! Boy is she in for a nasty suprise thinking he is her prince charming...Good for them they deserve each other
    Last edited by denise lyn; 02-14-2007, 08:08 AM. Reason: add more

  • Cautionary Tale


    As you know, your mistake started with the relationship.
    There are no choices;

    Sure, you had chances...
    but you always went back...
    why?

    all he has to do is look sad and you'll forgive him
    and the reason is very simple...

    You have become a non-person.

    You don't exist anymore.
    You have, like most battered women, ceased
    to be a person, and have become an appendage...
    like the tail on a dog.

    Your life has become slavery in which your 'victories'
    are so minor and trival, you couldn't even put them
    into words.

    You and the children mean no more to him then
    were you a bunch of raccoons he let stay in
    the barn.

    Right now you have nothing.
    Not even self respect.
    You have nothing so you have nothing to lose.

    Pack up the children and leave.
    And never contact him again.

    If he beats you, you won't be able to carry
    it through and see him go to jail.

    Going to jail would be the best thing for your
    kids, but like many battered wives, the kids
    are just frills.

    the effect on your daughter of this man has
    probably left deep psychological scars. She
    will probably grow up believing that how her
    father treats you is normal and find a man just
    like him, because battered wives tend to reproduce
    themselves.

    For the sake of your children leave him for good.
    Do not tell him where you are or that you are
    going.


    Comment


    • I couldn't have put it better. You need to find the strength to leave.

      Comment


      • Sounds like we have a lot in common. Everything you just said about your husband, reminds me of mine. He even plays that stupid WarCraft game too. Anyway mine just walked out on me tonight after 9 years of marriage. We have a 2 year old daughter. I feel so lost.

        Comment



        • Your husband was never there.
          A body was there.
          Your imagination was there.
          But he wasn't.

          That he's gone physically only
          makes truth...
          for he wasn't there.

          You'll be fine.

          Just go on with your life. You don't
          need a man like that. You need a man
          who is there for you.

          Yeah, I can get wrapped up in on line games
          but I do have a life...

          Comment


          • Originally posted by asdf123 View Post
            Sounds like we have a lot in common. Everything you just said about your husband, reminds me of mine. He even plays that stupid WarCraft game too. Anyway mine just walked out on me tonight after 9 years of marriage. We have a 2 year old daughter. I feel so lost.

            Plse read my new post today. Its an update on my husband. I know I am not alone but,,,dealing with all this is really HARD and just to keep my composure and be able to sleep at night is really hard. Will another man want me? Do I still look good at 46? I find myself looking at married couples and saying "boy I am STILL SUPPOSE TO BE HAPPY FOREVER" To have to start over at 46 seems really hard for me to grip. But I know I cannot stay with a man who never really cared or gave me back what I gave him. So hard right now. I am crying again.. Bye

            Comment



            • First of all, 50 is the new 35.
              We look good, and we got it all together.
              I had a friend same thing... guy so **** abusive.
              She left him when she was 48 with the same...
              "my life is over"
              at fifty she met the perfect man..
              and they got married...
              and they are like teenagers...

              Comment


              • Originally posted by kaylar View Post

                First of all, 50 is the new 35.
                We look good, and we got it all together.
                I had a friend same thing... guy so **** abusive.
                She left him when she was 48 with the same...
                "my life is over"
                at fifty she met the perfect man..
                and they got married...
                and they are like teenagers...
                I know way down deep I am still attractive but my husband has made me feel so bad over the years. The thought of having to date again..WOW! Scary. But your words did help me THANKS

                Comment


                • Originally posted by denise lyn View Post
                  Where do I start. I have been married since 1991. 2 kids 15 and 10. even when we first got married my husband always was partying with neighbor and never home. even when I was pregnant. I tried leaving several times , packed the kids up and was going to go to my sisiters. NEVER did I always turned around. My husband since than has always been on the computer 24/7. Back in 1998 I left him to go back to Mass. we were living in NM. He never forgave me. When I came back after 3 months he started shoving and hitting me..I never called the police but tried to get his parents to help but that was no good!

                  Eventually one night he was talking to women on the computer and I got mad and thats when he really hurt me. I have been locked out etc..He even ripped the phone off the wall. I called from a pay phone and the police arrested him. Well we went to court, and when I was leaving he was so sad and said how much he loved me and wanted me back. I took him back.

                  Now lets forward to NOW: For the last few months I KNEW something was up. My daughter and I heard him say "HONEY" to someone on the computer. Than a few times I would find a washcloth under his computer desk,,You figure it out.

                  How could I be so BLIND???? Last night I went to check on my ebay and I noticed he left his mail open... Well I found it! Love emails between him and some lady. They play world of warcraft together.

                  I confronted him and he blames it all on me!!!!
                  This man when I was pregnant with my daughter would not even get out of bed to take me to the ER because I was having terrible pains. (he had hurt his eye earlier that day at work. ) So I was left taking care of it my self.

                  When our family drove out to NM to live from MASS. I got lost driving and when he woke up he called me A DUMB F.....*****.


                  There are so many other storys I could tell. I am all alone out here and don't know what to do now. He says he stays on the computer because of me. I say my kids are just as negelected by him so how can it be me???

                  He plays mind games with me to make me feel like NOTHING. I have not worked in a long time and supporting my family without him will be so hard.... I told him last night to leave but he is scaring me with all the things he says. He has never spent time with either of the kids ever...I can't go in my bedroom at night until he comes and gets me. Thats because he is done playing on the computer. Even in the past when I was sick and asked to go to bed he would yell and say Gee can't I listen to my music and so on.

                  God forbid if I let the dogs out before I make his coffee. He will say I care more about them.
                  I have been told hundreds of times since I don't work he does NOT have to help me in any way.

                  After I had my daughter he made it clear he WOULD NOT GET up any night to help with her since he worked.

                  My husband has gone thru ssooooooo many jobs. We have been on unemployment at times. Since 1998 I sell at the flea market every sat. and do really good BUT he doesn't consider that a job at all

                  His hygeine is bad too! smokes like crazy.. My daughters doctor told me to tell him the smoke was bad for my kids and to smoke outside..He sure didn't

                  I very sad today..What am I going to do??? I am SCARED.

                  Wow,, now I see how how other women are! they will steal your man...without even meeting them!!! Boy is she in for a nasty suprise thinking he is her prince charming...Good for them they deserve each other
                  FIRST OF ALL WHERE IS YOUR RSPECT AND SELF CONFIDENCE, YOU CAN LIVE WITHOUT THIS MAN,DESPITE THE FACT THAT HE IS THE BREADWINNER.IT JUST UPSETS ME TO SEE WOMEN TAKING SUCH DISGUSTING TREATMENT FROM MEN.MOVE OUT,YOU AND YOUR KIDS,DUMP THE LOSER,TRY TO GET HELP FROM GOVERNMENT AGENCIES,IF YOU HAVE DIFICULTY FINDING WORK. MY MOM WALKED OUT ON MY DAD ,HE WAS LEFT TO CARE FOR FOUR KIDS BY HIMSELF,WITH A LOW PAYING JOB,YET STILL HE MADE IT. YOUR LIFE SEEMS TO BE LIVING HELL SORRY AND SAD TO SAY,BUT YOU NEED TO PUT YOUR FEET DOWN AND DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT LADY.OTHERWISE YOU WILL NOT LIVE A HAPPY LIFE,{SOO MUCH MORE TOO SAY BUT SOO LITLE TIME.}
                  Last edited by pinky03; 02-23-2007, 09:07 AM.

                  Comment


                  • Loser

                    Wut A Loser Your Husband Is,lady Get Out Leave Before It Is Too Late!!!

                    Comment


                    • Okay We All Know What The Problem Is...now...we Work On A Solution. Negative Words Against Your Husband Wont Fix Your Situation In Any Way. First You Have To Look About Fixing "you". Get Your Self Esteem Back. Even If You're Not Going Anywhere...treat Yourself. Take Of Yourself Cause In The End...all You Have Is You. Nobody Will Love You Like Only You Can. The One Thing I've Learned Is Not To Put Anyone Else In Front Of Yourself. Many Times We Do It For The "sake Of Love"...big Mistake. People Are Selfish. Many Times Women Find That They're The Ones Putting In Too Much Effort Into Relationships. We Give Our 200 Percent And Then At The End, We Find Ourself With The Short End Of The Sitck.

                      Another Thing...think About Your Children. What Do They Feel About The Whole Ordeal. After You Comes Them. If You Cant Take Care Of You How Can You Take Care Of Them? They Need You More Than Your Husband Needs You. If You Cant Sleep With Him "until He's Ready"...so What...sleep Next To One Of Your Children. Im Sure You'd Feel Better Sleeping Next To One Of Them Anyway. Maybe He'd See How It Feels To Be Alone When He's In That Bed Wishing That He'd Gone To Bed With You.

                      Good Luck And Be Careful.
                      ~ LIFE IS NOT MEASURED BY HOW MANY BREATHS WE TAKE...BUT BY THE MOMENTS THAT TAKE OUR BREATH AWAY! ~

                      Comment


                      • I sure hoped she left him by now.

                        Kaylar is right on point w/the statements she made about how the abuser gets into the mind of his prey.

                        She left him before and even called the police on him.
                        I hope she doesn't look at his sorry, derranged face.

                        Take those kids and keep on stepping... you lived your life before he came along, you can sure live a life without him.

                        Comment

                        Womens Health orange logoGet The Newsletter

                        Receive our passionately crafted, medically reviewed articles and insights — the stuff nobody else talks about but you want to know — delivered right to your inbox.

                        Latest Posts in Our Forums

                        Collapse

                        • Reply to Female pubic hair and sexuality

                          Personally, I love all the different styles. But having a little hair shows maturity, and I find that sexy. My personal favorite is my wife keeping a...

                          05-21-2020, 09:30 AM By Zeus_66
                        • Reply to Treatment for Perimenopause Anxiety?

                          I second Alison H.'s post.

                          I'm afraid I know very little about Perimenopause anxiety, but Alison's post makes sense. I do hope you find the...

                          05-19-2020, 01:45 AM By Popcorn&Candy
                        • Reply to My Heart's Desire

                          I have re-published my book "Welcome To Hell". It's awesome. It is a hardback and is A4 size. I have another book in print called "Gobbledegook"...

                          05-19-2020, 01:42 AM By Popcorn&Candy
                        • Reply to My Passion For Creativity And Art Is Making Me Feel Really Lonely

                          I've always been artistic: and always will be. I was always good at art, although I never excelled in painting. But I use my artistic imagination to write...

                          05-19-2020, 01:36 AM By Popcorn&Candy
                        • Reply to isolated as a family

                          So sorry your family has lost the dog. Such a terrible time.

                          I have been enjoying watching the neighborhood kids play the last few weeks....

                          05-17-2020, 06:41 AM By atskitty2

                        Latest Topics in Our Forums

                        Collapse

                        • Treatment for Perimenopause Anxiety?

                          Hello guys, What to do about perimenopause symptoms. Several treatments have been studied for managing perimenopausal symptoms. I am confuse, Please help...

                          05-13-2020, 08:43 AM By Heyperry
                        • isolated as a family

                          husband, preteen, and I have been isolated from others for weeks now

                          at a loss for how to fill that "peer" need for preteen...

                          05-08-2020, 11:20 PM By amy40
                        • Lulu.com

                          Is an online bookshop, where everyone self publishes their work. If you're interested, then Google it.

                          As I always say, this is NOT spam:...

                          05-06-2020, 07:03 AM By Popcorn&Candy
                        • Dr & what would u do if anything

                          husband needed Dr note to continue work at home
                          he's at higher risk
                          his longtime Dr did not want to get involved & said if he gave note,...

                          05-04-2020, 01:35 AM By amy40
                        Working...
                        X