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Am I on the wrong path

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  • Am I on the wrong path

    I need some advice on moving on after divorce. I am in the final stages of divorce and I am feeling confused about if I am making the right decision by moving on too quickly. I am currently reading a book that says that you shouldn't plunge into another relationship too quickly. I am seeing my best friend who has been here for me thru all of this mess and he is in love with me and we have been spending more time together now that I am single and I am finding myself falling in love with him. We have been friends for a year now and I really feel like I know him and he is sincere and not just trying to make me feel like he is perfect. He is always honest in our conversation so therefore I feel like I know his faults, like he can be very lazy and he is into sports big time but he has never put sports before me. I would like to think that things won't change over time but I am so scared of getting attached and then getting hurt. I think I am already too attached though and that is what scares me because I am still in the grieving process of my failed marriage and I don't want to be hurt again. He says he would never hurt me but don't they all say that and then still do. I don't want to stop seeing him because then I would be losing my best friend and then I may lose the opportunity to ever be with him and I don't want that to happen because we get along so great and we have alot in common. I would like to know if anyone has any advice on this kind of situation. Do you think I will regret dating so quickly? Do you think this could work as long as we take it slow? or should I be out dating around like my mom says because she thinks I need to figure out what I want first before just dating one person. I have already done the thing where you write down what qualities you are looking for and I really feel like I have found that person and I don't want to lose him. Thanks for any advice you can give.

  • Big Mistake

    If you had broken your ankle you would give it
    time to heal. Even after the cast was off, you'd
    baby that ankle and after a few months, you'd
    start with the heels, or the running, to be sure.

    The same with a heart.

    Often you fall in love with someone in your ambit.
    It is a kind of sop to your ego to your body.

    Cathy and Dave were University grads when the
    marriage went sour and Cathy wound up in an
    affair with Ken. Ken worked on the campus in
    maintenance. Cathy was in love with Ken now.
    And they lived together.

    One day Cathy was discussing her passion
    which was the Black Death. Ken had no idea
    what she was saying, and in the middle of a
    brilliant bit of academia turned on the television.

    At that point Cathy realised she didn't even
    like Ken. He was just there to replace the
    space Dave had left.

    You don't want to find yourself in that position.

    The best thing for you is to do something somewhere
    else...that is move away at least for a time and stop
    seeing this chap.

    You have to get yourself back together first.


    • Thanks for the advice Kaylar, I figured your answer would be that. What if he was your best friend before you actually got serious? This makes it really hard not to talk to him because I find myself constantly wanting to call to talk to him because that is what I am used to doing. I also don't want to lose him because he is the total opposite of my ex-husband and treats me the way I feel I deserve to be treated, like someone who matters and my ex did not treat me that way.


      • Question one...
        Why didn't you marry him in the first place?

        A lot of times someone gets 'cast' into a role.

        For example...
        Cathy.. Dave, her equal, treated her like dirt,
        Ken, the maintenance guy, treated her like a

        Well, Ken was looking good.
        But it wasn't Ken.
        It was a man who treated her like a queen.

        If there never had been a Dave, there
        surely never would be a Ken.

        But the point is...at this moment in time...
        can you be sure that best friend is best
        friend because of himself, or because he
        is there?

        Take a situation in which Cathy went to
        another campus. She kept in contact
        with Ken...but he began to pale. Meeting
        people more like her, Ken got dimmer and

        So, suppose Cathy, five months later is
        talking about her ex...and goes from
        her ex to this new guy she's seeing,
        leaving out Ken?

        I know a case in which that happened...
        very similar to your situation. Where
        her 'Ken' was her best friend, and they
        were deep in a relationship right after
        her divorce from 'Dave', and she had
        taken a great job in another city.

        Someone who had been her best
        friend mentioned 'Ken' to her, and
        it was like...'who?'

        The only way you'll know if your 'Ken'
        is really the man for you is if you go
        somewhere else for a while, and find


        • moving on too soon after divorce?

          I'm sorry your marriage didn't work out. That is a tragic experience for anybody. During the initial phases after my divorce I was not thinking completely clearly. So, I understand why you mom told you that. If your best friend has already been supportive, I don't see a problem with you all still being there for each other. At least you already know this person is there for you. Being that he is already in love makes it even a deeper consideration. Right now I think you should just continue to date until you are back to normal emotionally. Don't make any serious commitment for a year. If you two still together then,it probably is the real deal. Good luck to you both!


          • Thanks!

            Thanks to both of you for your advice. I think I will try to just keep it as simple as possible and we probably won't see as much of eachother this summer so I think that will be a real test to give me some time alone and to see if I am emotionally ready for a new relationship.


            • That's the best idea.
              You don't want to get into one of those
              'nature hates a vacuum' relationships.

              You need to disentangle from your ex
              get back to being you,and then being
              you, make decisions.


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