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Needing a little advice

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  • Needing a little advice

    My husband and I just recently got married after a year of living with each other. Before I moved in, I lived in Alabama (Where I am from) and had a friend that he didn't care too much for. She wasn't always nice to me, in fact she ran over me until one day I had enough. He couldn't stand her at all! Well, about four days before we got married she, her boyfriend, and my family came down to see me before my big day. Durning that time I am guessing he got to know her a little better and apperently the night before they left to go back, her and her boyfriend got into a fight and they stayed outside and talked for a while (I didn't know cause I was asleep). Anyway, now that she is gone she has been texting him and me also, all the time.. before we hardly talked and now she is texting me AND my husband. Now, I know that they are talking serious or anything but they do somewhat flirt a little. He says if I don't like it for me to tell him and he'll stop. I don't know what to think about it really. I know she can be a jelous friend and I believe she likes my husband a little.. I don't want to lose him to her like I have lost other guys to her.

    What should I do or think? I don't want to say stop texting her but I can't help but to wonder why she is now texting him?!!

  • With a friend like this, I would say be very careful. It sounds like what is yours is hers in her mind. You could ask your husband to slow it down a lot to get her to turn her attention elsewhere. Maybe talking to him about the situation will have you both come up with some ideas. When she flirts with him he should always include you somehow, so she knows she isn't gaining any traction. Such as, I'm going to try that on my wife. Or I made a comment to my wife that was similar the other day. She responded by .... Or my wife said something similar. I love it when she does that. Etc.
    I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided, and that is the lamp of experience.
    ...
    Shall we gather strength by irresolution and inaction? Shall we acquire the means of effectual resistance by lying supinely on our backs and hugging the delusive phantom of hope, until our enemies shall have bound us hand and foot?

    From a speech by Patrick Henry on March 23, 1775 at St. John's Church, Richmond, Virginia

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    • Its obviously making you uneasy. It doesn't seem like its an important relationship to your husband to maintain, so I would just ask him nicely to stop it. Explain to him that its not that you don't trust him, its just that you don't like this person and don't really want to have close relations with her.
      Freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose - Kris Kristofferson and Fred Foster (sung by Janis Joplin)

      Comment


      • I think, as his wife, you have every right to ask him to stop. She's invading your relationship (by making you feel uncomfortable and flirting with your husband) and if you ask him to stop, he should respect that. Obviously no one wants their significant other texting and flirting with other people...I think it's reasonable and I wouldn't feel guilty for asking him to stop. It's inappropriate and disrespectful. If I were you, I'd limit communication with this friend for a while since she was never a great friend to begin with and if she's done this to you in the past, you need to put a stop to it now.

        Comment


        • From just that tiny few words you've said about this woman... I'd put her in a file called "trouble" or at the very least "potential trouble". She sounds needy and you being a woman know how good and well a lot of men can thrive on feeling "needed". It fills some kind of hero hole in their ego

          You, my dear, are now put in the rock/hard place position. If you tell him to stop talking -- you run the risk of 1. Making him feel controlled, 2. Creating a taboo in which he may start sneaking and lying to continue their friendship 3. Creating a fight or flight reaction in this other woman where she is trying a lot harder to gain his attention because of losing it alltogether and 4. Making this woman feel like she is threatning to your relationship, something she'll likely thrive on.

          Your best bet? In my opinion... focus on your own relationship with him. Keep your friendship with HIM close, friendly fun.. keep the sex and intimacy on the level to where you are both satisfied with it. Open up your heart to him, let him be your shoulder, and be his. Listen to him without judgement. Be his confidant. He wont need her to fill any gaps when they are all met with you.

          PS I am not saying they aren't being met with you... I'm just saying when a man has his hands full with one woman, they aren't going to burden themselves with another.

          He is gaining something from their friendship, even if it is just a childish ego boost from knowing this woman has a mild (or severe) crush on him.

          As for your friendship with her... I'd fade it out, don't invite her to functions. You don't have to be mean but quit inviting her into your life. Don't share any problems with her, don't talk to her about your husband. Be vague, be polite but vague with whats going on in your life. Don't probe her about hers.. just slowly but surely back away from that potential emotional leach. Just my opinion.
          Scars remind us of where we've been...they don't have to dictate where we're going.

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