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So now what?

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  • So now what?

    So i've posted about my SO inappropriate texts/ pics. to other women.. yada yada.. so we have been seperated for quite a while- since we've been seperated he has been consistant with wanting me back, being nice (for the most part) etc.. Well I agreeded we should see how things go- not a full on move in and be happy family, but see how things go. Well things will go well for a couple of days then he'll get ****ed that they are not progressing quickly enough and say "fine, I'm done- I've shown you change and you can't accept that". Anyways, this has gone on several times. HERE'S the kicker- Since I said we'll see how it goes we haven't been physically close- so the sends me a message saying he needs 'it' and wants 'it' from me- and what is he suppose to do about his needs and wants- Seriously?? I told him that I thought he was pressuring me into sex like a freakin' 16 yr. old girl- I thought it would come naturally- when the time is right, etc.etc.
    Well he says without the physical part there isn't really a relationship and wer're just glorified friends (with kids). and that if I'm willing to work on 'US' then sex part of it.
    I just don't feel THAT close to him at this moment, you know, we've been through ALOT and i've built up an emotional wall.
    SO what I'm taking from this is that if I'm not willing to throw myself at him this very moment then we can't work on our relationship.. IS THIS RIGHT? AM I READING TOO DEEP?

  • It sounds like he only wants you back so he can get sex. He doesn't really want to work towards the relationship. Tell him the sex will come when he regains your confidence, proves he really loves you and there is going to be a long term relationship. That's how many many people do it. For most people sex comes after they feel like they are in a relationship. Taking sex out of the equation to focus on the relationship is actually a very good thing.
    Freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose - Kris Kristofferson and Fred Foster (sung by Janis Joplin)


    • Are you two in couples/marriage counselling at all?


      • We've been once- and had several appointments that he has cancelled. He said there's no reason for us to go since we've identified the problem "physical attraction"


        • Originally posted by mnd View Post
          We've been once- and had several appointments that he has cancelled. He said there's no reason for us to go since we've identified the problem "physical attraction"
          That's probably the worst excuse I've ever heard to stop going to counselling. Obviously there are still problems. If there weren't, you two would be living in wedded bliss right at moment.

          You're not wrong in wanting to wait until you are feeling more connection with him to have that physical intimacy. If he won't go to counselling with you, I would suggest you continue to go on your own. Even if your hubby doesn't think you'll benefit, you will. This outside perspective from a trained professional is going to help you work through your feelings, and make the best and healthiest decision for yourself regarding the status of your relationship.


          • So the once, when you did enter Councelling, he has stated that the outcome, ching ching, is physical attraction, you are not physically attracted to him.

            Guess what? You have just stated here that you are not "emotionally" attracted to him at the moment.

            It sounds to me that he is having difficulty with change, he is pretending and 2 days is long enough for this pretence then he gets mad. It sounds like he is impatient, has no comprehension of the real word love, or else he would sit back and wait until you are ready and work hard at making this relationship work but he is not.

            Do you feel, if I can ask that he is doing this for you, for the children, for himself. One or all three of those. Because my opinion is he is not doing it for you. Or else like I said, he'd be waiting and working hard.

            Why does he think you are not physically attracted to him? Are you? Perhaps in honesty, you have lost any attraction for him full stop as you have had enough of his flirty ways, or possible cheating ways and realise this.


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