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Hate it but my husband grosses me out.

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  • Hate it but my husband grosses me out.

    I feel bad he is a good good man but he chews tobacco it makes his teeth,lips, and mouth brown. And he has oily hair and sometimes that old man smell. He GROSSES me out. We have been married for almost 2yrs (this time) he is 65 I have ask him to wash his hair more and to brush his teeth he will like one time then back to the gross. He can not get excited so we have never had intercourse. We tryed oral but I cannot him it is like I am messing with a little boy and that gives me the CREEPS!! I do not want anything to do with him sexually ever because of all that. He is a good companion but YUCK !!! I am trying to live like this he is retired so he is here ALL the time. It is bad in winter because we are inside days at a time. We were married once for 9 yrs then divorced for 30 My (so called) best friend ran after him when we starting haveing trouble she did EVERYTHING and I mean EVERYTHING to get him it did not work so one night when he was drinking and hurt she got hm to screw her.He was not innocent it takes two.But she knew if she got pg he would marry her that is what happened. She was like 300lbs no one wanted her never had a date in her life. Anyway we got divorced and the next day I find all this out. 4 days later she guilted him into marrying her. Then whoops she is pg again and again and again. He said he thought it was his life he made the best of it.I married somone else have 1 child. Anyway 30 yrs later she dies. I was divorced for like 10 yrs living on my own. 3 weeks after she died I sent hm a a note with my email and pho I had not seen him in like 25 yrs. But everytime I had seen him in past yrs he told me he still cared. Once even saying "The day she dies I am comming for you" Well that is about what happened. He received my note on Weds called me on Thurs we have been together ever since. So for so many reasons I know he always loved me. But when I think about him being with a nasty 440 lb ********** THAT grosses me out too. I am here for the duration but man he makes me want to throw up sometimes. And 3 of the 4 kids are real ASSES they have treated him awful and talk to him bad and he just lets them get away with it he is a TOTAL TOTAL TOTAL WHIMP with them. I told him be nice but calmly just say you all are not going to treat me like that. BUT oh no they might not like that it would make them made. Other stuff they are just horrible!!!!!!!!!
    Sorry but I guess I am venting I need to so bad have no one to talk to that will understand. does anyone understand??

  • With her being the dominate one in their marriage, it doesn't surprise me that he became submissive, if for no other reason than to survive. It also can explain his hygiene issues in that he has no pride in himself. And it also explains the problems with their children. I don't see this as being something you can fix. Maybe you can work on making it a bit better. Mostly though, you will have to learn to make peace with the situation if you want to be happy. Maybe you can get him to start washing his hair and his body more.
    I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided, and that is the lamp of experience.
    ...
    Shall we gather strength by irresolution and inaction? Shall we acquire the means of effectual resistance by lying supinely on our backs and hugging the delusive phantom of hope, until our enemies shall have bound us hand and foot?

    From a speech by Patrick Henry on March 23, 1775 at St. John's Church, Richmond, Virginia

    Comment



    • So many Questions here .

      Was he this way when you married him the First Time ?
      Was he this way when you saw him 25 years later ?
      What made you restart a Relationship and then Marry him after " She Passed Away "?

      This I ask because of your " Detest " of him with her in the past .

      But when I think about him being with a nasty 440 lb " B Word ". THAT grosses me out too.
      What is it about him made you chose to be with him again , when you knew he'd left you for your " Supposed Best Friend ", whether 300 or 440 lbs, it doesn't seem that that is much of an issue .At least for a Why You went back to him or took him back .

      There is or are different reasons of why you are there with him now . You might want to delve into that. Meaning the reasons why You are there .

      Take for Example :

      3 weeks after she died I sent hm a a note with my email and pho I had not seen him in like 25 yrs. But everytime I had seen him in past yrs he told me he still cared. Once even saying "The day she dies I am comming for you" Well that is about what happened. He received my note on Weds called me on Thurs we have been together ever since. So for so many reasons I know he always loved me
      Why did you send him that photo and note after 25 years ?
      He once said the day she dies I'm coming for you.
      What is all that about ?
      Is he your First Real True Love, is he the one you longed for though your last ( Previous ) Marriage. And now you have rejoined ?

      If so, as you say
      I am here for the duration but man he makes me want to throw up sometimes.
      It is time that you learn to " Care~take " for your 65 year old Man /Child/Husband.
      You take him to the Shower or bath once a day .Wash his Body ,Wash his Hair, Help him Brush his Teeth at least 3 times a day,make sure he has clean undies and clothes . Well fed, all needs taken care of and make sure you get some time for yourself. Make his kids take care of him a day or two a week .

      Because that is what you are in the " Long Haul " for, it just seems to be a bit earlier in his Life than he might be just wanting a Care Taker . ?

      Now on the other hand, you say
      So for so many reasons I know he always loved me.
      Well Sweets, If he Still and Always loves you, He will do the few things that you need , a Husband with Clean Breath, Decent Teeth or Dentures, Clean and Showered Body, Dressed decent, and though ( sex ain't all that at 65 ), he may have ED and need some Dr's care. Which may help in closeness .
      But unless you really need it, I'm sure you can handle that part .

      Though you Do seem to Need ...Someone who Treasures you and Respects you as his Lady and someone you can go out in public with. Will try his hardest to be with you and want your hugs and kisses , ( Not Just Sex ) . He will appreciate all you are doing now for him, and what you will do for him as Years go by .

      On his Kids and him being a Whimp . It's time Mama and Step Mama, Wife of Him.. took some control .

      And 3 of the 4 kids are real ASSES they have treated him awful and talk to him bad and he just lets them get away with it he is a TOTAL TOTAL TOTAL WHIMP with them. I told him be nice but calmly just say you all are not going to treat me like that. BUT oh no they might not like that it would make them made. Other stuff they are just horrible!!!!!!!!!
      It is time you and he (if Possible)
      Start having a Marriage, one where both of you give and take, Share and Stand Together !! And it's time Someone in that Family learns to have some Steel Balls. It's time he becomes your Man and you his Woman and if the kids don't like it or want to help with their Father. It time the " CARETAKER " Takes over .

      That is YOU !!
      It's good to Vent, especially Here at WH .

      But What are you going to do about it ?

      In 5 years,in 10 years ?
      It's up to you on what you allow and what you will not allow .. In YOUR LIFE and Your LOVE !
      I noticed here, however.
      There was No Mention of Him as your Love of your Life . More of you were His, but you waited for him to realize this ?

      You are Amazing in that part..
      Though, I would Stand up or Stand Out . And I would Ask him to Do the Same .










      Comment


      • He was not like this the first time.
        No he was not like this when we got back together this time
        We still had feelings for each other we talked and it was like he hit the ground running and grabbed me on the way.
        We were having trouble had split a few times then back together. She saw her opportunity and went in with a jackhammer to get him. He didn't leave me for her.We were separated on and off and she knew if she got pg it would get him.... she and I talked before since I looked at her as my best friend told her how we were trying to have a baby nothing I was afraid it was me. So after she pulled her crap. She called me on the phone when she knew he and I were still seeing each other and told me "your just jealous because "I" am pg." nice huh she planned it. He said he did what he thought was right and married her ( with her and her mom guilting him) and he made the best he could. He said he did not miss her cryed a few tears when she died because his son was and that was it. He was throwing her clothes out like 4 days after we first talked. He would have threw more out but the 2 youngest ages 22 and 28 were still living at home. And they would have threw a fit and I understand that but it shows you can not love someone and 1 month after they die throw out their clothes and and be out spending the insurance money on new sporting stuff. And with in 4 wks be back with your x and another 2-3 wks ask that x to come back and marry you again. I wanted to apolized for my part of our divorce I was part of it but so was he and she was too at the end.

        Comment

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